


Break Me

by malu (orphan_account)



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Angry Sex, First Kiss, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 19:38:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 46,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1790800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/malu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>But I'm lost to you now/ And there's no/ Amount of reason/ That could save me</em><br/>It starts after the 24 hours of Le Mans 2014 when Sebastian wants to get something off his chest and it leads them into a rollercoaster of emotions they would never have seen coming.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> **This never happened. Pure product of imagination.**  
>  I proudly own all the mistakes and I am not a native speaker so there's plenty :-)  
>  ~~And I don't know where this is going and there will be an increase in tags along the way.~~  
>  I should also mention that the races in this (aside Le Mans) have (had) not happened when I am (was) writing this, so the results are made up!  
> Finally, should you happen to just start reading this: the rest of the series (Sea of Sorrow, Levitate) is not necessary to understand this. They do however fill some of the "missing scenes" regarding Mark, Jenson, Fernando and David in case the allusions to what happened ten years ago make you curious.

So, 2014 sucks so far. A ridiculously slow car and a string of technical failures are not exactly what he would call a good start. That is not what really bothers him though. His own performance is lacking this season. He has been beaten more than once by a new, young teammate and that should not have happened. Somehow, he lost his focus and, even more worryingly, his will to win at all cost. Something has been off, right from the start, and a couple of days ago he had somewhat of an awakening and finally could put a finger on it. He missed him. He shakes his head. It cannot be true and yet, it is. Something is so very wrong with him for feeling that way because why would you miss someone who only ever wanted to hurt you, put you down, belittle you and who holds the biggest grudge against you. Nevertheless, he has thought it through and back and forth but still, he misses him. It is a lack of tension, because, seriously, the new kid is nice, too nice, and smiles too much. And it is the lack of banter, playful and not so playful at times.  Those dark, dark eyes that always stared at him so thoroughly, that sent shivers through his spine and that made him feel he was looking right into his mind.

Now, he is standing here, in a French hotel, with a room number he only got thanks to pulling many strings and which has him owing a number of people favors now, too. This would have been easier if the race today had been a bit more favorable. What could he say now? Sorry probably would not work too well. It never worked. For an instant, he considers turning around and just leaving, it is not like anyone knows he is here anyway. Well, Fernando does, but the Spaniard does not care about him enough to wonder about his attendance. Leaving would be cowardly though and he is not a coward. His heart pounding in his chest relentlessly he takes a last sharp breath and knocks at the door. He hears steps and then the door swings open – he must have expected someone, because he has not even asked who was there – and then _he_ is standing in front of him and _those dark eyes_ are staring at him, into him in complete disbelief and shock. “What do  _you_ want here? Enjoy my misery?” He spits, voice hoarse and full of anger.

Sebastian blushes and trembles, but he holds his gaze. “I miss you.”

_Hello there, angel from my nightmare..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Miss You: Written by Delonge/ Barker/ Hoppus, (c) Emi April Music Inc., Fun With Goats, Beat Poet Music, Universal Music Corp.


	2. A Moment Of Madness

_A moment of madness_   
_It has happened before_   
_It could turn into sadness or a civil war_

Mark cannot belief it. The kid cannot possibly be serious about this. "You what?" He snaps, searching the blue eyes for a clue what kind of game this is going to be.

He does not evade his eyes and he sure has some guts. "I miss you. Dan is fun and nice but he is not you."

"Okay, mate, I don't know what you are up to here. But you cannot be serious and I'm in no mood to deal with childrens' games tonight so do both of us a favor and get out of here before I have to hit you." Mark is harsh, angry. The day has been fucked up and all he wants is his roomservice dinner, the content of the minibar and some sleep. And that worst nightmare of his in his doorframe needs to go, fast. It has been haunting him for years, it has to go, out of his life, now.

But Sebastian does not back up. Instead, he steps forward, invading into his personal space. The familiar, annoying smell of his aftershave is back in Mark's nose and something in the back of Mark's head seems to like it, forcing him to take a deeper breath. His own instinctive reactions, his feelings towards this annoying German kid, make him angry with himself. He should really just kick him out and close the door but finds himself strangely caught, curious and intrigued. He fixes the blue eyes again, glaring now, but also still searching. There is something new in these eyes that have tricked him too many times, if he did not know better he would say it is desire. With a more and more palpable tension in the room, Mark finds himself swallowing hard and flushed with heat. Sebastian is still holding his gaze, focused, intense, not moving at all and then the young German leans forward and Mark finds soft lips pressing onto his. After an initial shock, he leans in as well and responds tentatively. Then the stubble rubbing against his cheek reminds him whose lips he is enjoying and he pushes the intruder back roughly. "Fuck you."

Blue eyes come dangerously close again, displaying desire openly. And the soft lips are leaning closer, too, and Mark is aroused against his own will and finds himself paralyzed, his head spinning.

"I'd rather see you fuck me." It is a whisper, a hiss, straight into his ear, the mouth so close he can feel Sebastian's breath on his neck and it goes right to his groin.

_A promise of passion_  
 _A trailer of sin_  
 _It can be hard to resist_  
 _A moment of madness_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Moment Of Madness: Written by Chambers, G. & Melua, K., (c) Melua Music Ltd./ EMI


	3. No Fear

_I want a full tank of absolution_  
 _No Fear_  
 _I want a rainstorm to pull me over_  
 _Then a sky that begins to clear_  
 _Towards the truest of destinations_  
 _No Fear_

“You have no idea,” Sebastian growls, trying not to lower his eyes, to hide his insecurity. His heart is throbbing so heavily, he is afraid that Mark can hear. This was not his intention when he came here but he is overcome with a desire that, even he himself was oblivious to noticing, has been building up for years. Now that realization has struck him, he is out of his mind, overrun with ecstasy and anxiety. He is determined to push for his will now, because there is no backing down now anymore anyway. And he has seen that flicker of lust, that tiny sparkle of want, in Mark’s eyes. “You really have no idea what I want.”

There is a knock on the door. “Room service.” Mark steps back. He has not thrown him out, so much he accomplished, Sebastian thinks to himself. Now, he watches him as he goes to open the door. Sebastian turns around, walks over to the bed and flops down, trying to put on a confident smirk and to breathe calmly. He watches Mark absentmindedly signing the receipt, the waiter blushing when he sees Mark’s visitor, Mark closing the door and putting the food away on the desk. It is happening in slow motion in Sebastian's mind. Mark is standing across the room now, fixing Sebastian with his dark eyes, arms crossed in front of his chest. The tension that seemed to ease a little with the interruption, is now fully palpable in the room again.

“Show me.” Mark’s voice is deep and hoarse. And, maybe Sebastian notices this for the first time, it is sexy, turning his stomach upside down and causing goosebumps all over his body.

“What?” Sebastian is playing for time now, desperately trying to plan his next steps.

“Show. Me. What. You. Want.” Mark presses out quietly, teeth gritted.

Sebastian gets up from the bed, urging his legs to behave and not to betray him with trembling while he walks over to Mark, his eyes fascinated by the wry smile in Mark’s face. He steps close, swallows hard and whispers, “This.” Sebastian closes the gap between them, pressing their chests against each other and forces his lips onto Mark’s with more vigour, more roughness. When Mark did not punch him during his first attempt, Sebastian was shocked. When he does not punch him now, Sebastian is terrified. This is not on the agenda, this was not on the agenda and he feels as if he is doing it against his will and somehow cannot stop throwing himself at the most unsuitable person for this. But then… what is his agenda? Why is he here? His body has a simple answer for him, with his hardening cock pressing against his jeans. His body wants Mark with urgency. And it is not new after all, is it? He thinks of all the times he stood in front of his teammate, after doing something horribly wrong to him, expecting Mark to snap and just hit him and he thinks of the strange anticipation and excitement, even the slight arousal he always felt then. Is that what unresolved sexual tension is all about? Tentatively, he brings his hips forward, eliciting a moan and not failing to notice that Mark is at least as aroused as himself by this. Their lips are parting, making the kiss deeper, wetter and all the more violent. Sebastian stumbles backwards when Mark suddenly shoves him.  


Dark, furious eyes are scorching him. "You should leave now." It is the slight panting that gives Mark away this time, Sebastian thinks, and he shakes his head. 

Sebastian almost chokes and his voice trembles a little when he whispers. "I always get what I want." He sees it in Mark's eyes instantly, he can tell the exact moment where the Australian snaps. There is a deep satisfaction and at the same time a horrifying anxiety flooding his veins when he feels Mark's tight grip on his wrists and Mark's lips hit his with raw force. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Fear: Written and performed by Terri Clark, (c) Universal Polygram Int. Publishing Inc., Terri-ooo Tunes


	4. Purify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit from here. You've been warned.

_Pure if I... can't you help me?_  
 _Pure if I... won't you help me?_  
 _Purify you and I_

Mark surrenders to desire. He has been aching to get this arrogant, demanding kid down on his knees for so long, he will take what is his now. He wants Sebastian down on his knees, begging, and he will get him just there. In fact, his hands are pushing the German's shoulders down roughly already. It surprises him, and admittedly impresses him, that Sebastian complies without the slightest hesitation. He slides to the ground, opens Marks jeans and shoves them down along with his boxers. His mouth feels good around Mark's cock and he seems to know well enough what he is doing. This is as wrong as it gets, Mark knows but yeah, Sebastian owes him and the weekend was shit and he just does not feel strong enough to fight this anymore. His hands now clenched tightly in Sebastian's hair, he thrusts into his mouth violently. The kid does not complain and somehow that makes Mark even angrier. He pulls on his hair, vigorously, until he lets go of his cock, looking up to him with swollen lips and lust-filled eyes, panting heavily. It is a sight Mark has been craving for years without knowing it. He knows now and he wants the image to last forever. He coughs a little, wanting to gain control over his voice. "Still want me to fuck you?" Sebastian nods slowly. "Strip then." Mark sits back on the bed now, watching him undress with an evil grin in his face. He has shed his own shirt, too, and got rid of pants and boxers. Wriggling out of his pants, Sebastian looks nervous now, finally.

"Where do you want me?" In hell would be nice, Mark thinks to himself but bites his tongue. Instead, he gets up, pressing their naked bodies against each other, holding Sebastian wrists tightly behind his back and kissing him violently. He tastes blood and does not know if it is his or Sebastian's and it does not matter. Sebastian is returning the kiss, passionately and with equal force. Mark discards the idea of getting him on his knees, knowing he needs to see his face during this and when they have to break their kiss for air he manhandles Sebastian on the bed, splayed out on his back. And hell, it is a gorgeous sight. Mark moves over Sebastian, feels Sebastian's hands clinging to his hair and explores the pale body, licking and biting on Sebastian's nipples, eliciting desperate moans that make himself even harder. He bites the side of Seb's neck, intending to leave a bruise that will mark his territory for days. The German is whimpering under him. "Still sure about this?" Mark asks him, breathing heavily and not sure whether he could or would stop if Sebastian said no now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Purify: Written by Hammett, K./ Hetfield, J./ Ulrich, L., performed by Metallica, (c) Creeping Death Music


	5. Save Me

Sebastian cannot answer coherently, cannot control his mind enough to form words. A small nod is all he manages while he drowns in Mark's eyes, Mark's smell, Mark's touch. He whines, needily and not manly at all, and he feels cold and desperate when Mark lets go for a moment, rummaging in the bedside drawer. His thoughts are spinning, he knows what is coming and he has never done it before. When Mark is back over him, he brushes his groin and pinches his nipples and Sebastian is still in shock about himself and he even less has an idea what drives him to take the lube from Mark, toss it and moan, "I want to feel you."

Mark's eyes turn a shade darker and Sebastian grits his teeth and clenches his fists in the sheets in anticipation, watching the older man tear open a condom with his teeth and rolling it on his cock. Sebastian's mind is preparing for this and yes, he wants it to be rough, to be violent. He needs it to hurt. 

"Lick." Mark is holding his hand in front of Sebastian's mouth and the younger complies, sucking on Mark's fingers willingly. First, Sebastian is not sure what this about but he understands when Mark pulls his fingers away and starts pressing inside him. It is not as bad as he thought, but that quickly changes when Mark adds more fingers and starts to move. At no cost does he want him to know so Sebastian bites his lip until he tastes blood again and clenches his fists even tighter. Mark's eyes are staring right into his though, focused and very serious, and he feels as if Mark reads him like an open book. Then, he curls his fingers and Sebastian sees stars before Mark pulls away, leaving him strangely empty. 

Mark puts Sebastian's ankles on his shoulders and Sebastian, in the back of his mind where thinking still works, knows he should feel embarrassed and exposed - but he does not. It feels natural and that should be scaring him - but it does not. Mark's face is right in front of him and he loses himself in the dark eyes. "Mark, please," is all that he can press out between heavy breathing. 

"What?" It is a very deep and arousing growl. 

"Fuck me." And he does. It is slow and painful, Sebastian is struggling to relax enough. From the outer corner of his eyes, he can see Mark's arms tremble and he can clearly see the concentration in the Australian's eyes. It must be torture for him to take things this carefully and Sebastian feels a wave of gratitude wash over him that Mark makes the effort. They are both panting and moaning helplessly by the time that Mark is fully inside him. Sebastian sees a last flicker of hesitation in Mark's face. 

"Move," he growls. So Mark does, thrusting deep and rough. It is a mix of pleasure and pain that Sebastian never thought he could enjoy but it is making him wild with lust, forcing him to make uncontrollable, needy sounds. Soon, Mark's lips hit his, silencing him with a brutal kiss. He moves his hands, clenching Mark's hair instead of the sheets now. Mark changes the angle of his movements, his body rubbing against Sebastian's cock and his thrusts hitting the German's prostate. Sebastian screams into their kiss when he comes against Mark's stomach, getting lost in complete ecstasy, no longer noticing anything around himself. Oh yes, he needed this. 

_Run away and take me with you_  
 _Don't let go I need your rescue_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Save Me: Written by Garvey/ Gommeringer/ Bellamy/ Bossert/ Padotzke/ Rauenbusch, performed by Muse, (c) Warner/Chappell Music Ltd., Arabella Musikverlag Gmbh, Hewrate Limited


	6. Fallen

_I’ve seen the look in your eyes_  
 _And there’s no… no easy answers_  
 _For this insane desire_  
 _For this unbearable lie_

With the last waves of his orgasm still washing over him, Mark pulls out, making Sebastian whimper once again and collapses next to the German on the bed, discarding the condom on the floor carelessly. They are both drained, sweaty and breathless and in Mark's head, reality slowly begins to kick in. He slept with a married man, father of a little daughter. He might have taken his virginity in a sense even, because he is not even sure the kid has ever been with another man. And yeah, he is still a kid and Mark had not exactly been careful. Seb has taken it well, that much he acknowledges, must have been painful. And the German brat was right, too, he got what he wanted. Mark's stomach flips and he is suddenly very nauseous. Why had he done this? Whichever angle he took to look at it, it was wrong, so, so, wrong. Sighing desperately, he rolls over on his stomach and presses his face into the pillow. Maybe if he squeezes his eyes closed hard enough he will wake up and it was all a nightmare and the weekend starts all over again.

"Mark?" Oh no, he does not want to talk about this. And where does the kid take the courage and bluntness from in the first place? A tentative hand is stroking his back now and it is not the first time this night that his body wins the fight again his brain when he does not push it away. Instead, he feels himself relax into the touch of Sebastian's gentle fingers. It is not long before he drifts off to sleep.

He wakes up with the first rays of morning sun coming through the windows and finds himself curled against a small German frame. Feeling shocked and disgusted, he sits up on the bed with a sudden movement, waking Sebastian. Sleepy blues eyes look up to him and if he did not know better he would say they are full of affection. The kid looks even younger like this, hair disheveled, face flushed. "You should leave." Mark's voice sounds huskier than he expected himself. Their gazes stay locked and Mark can see a flicker of surprise and then hurt glance over Sebastian's eyes before the German sits up and turns his back on him. 

"Yeah, suppose you're right." Mark sinks back into the pillows and closes his eyes, listening to the sounds of the other man getting dressed. He does not know what he would have expected, but when he hears the door close without any further words spoken, not even a farewell, there is a sting going through his body. 

_All this will fade_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fallen: Written by Tate/ Slater/ Rossi/ Gane/ Irigoyen/ Cox, performed by Queensryche, (c) Deadline Music


	7. Burn For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, not exactly compliant with facts here, but it's fiction to begin with so I guess that it will have to do.

_It's always an adventure_  
 _The fantasies we make a fact_  
 _You're the secret I desire_  
 _I can't keep that to myself_

He knows he is probably making the biggest mistake in his life. It is strange how much it reminds him of the situation last weekend. Christian would have him hanged and shot and all other kinds of punished if he found out where he is, now, a couple of days before the next race. Still, he is here, in front of the door with a number he again only found out by exploiting some of his professional network. It seems he cannot help doing it, he is hooked and as much as he tries to convince himself to get over it he still feels forced to disobey reason. His body is burning with desire, has been every second since. The bruise on his neck is still there, a reminder that keeps him trembling whenever he sees it. The memories of their night haunt him in his sleep and he is craving for something he likely will not get. But he has to try and, in a very needy, teenaged-girl-like way he simply has to see him. After inhaling deeply a couple of times and failing at calming his thundering heart, he reaches out to knock.

"Who is it?"

"Sebastian."

The door opens a little, a familiar pair of dark eyes glaring at him through the gap. 

"We have to talk."

“No we don’t.” He wants to close the door but Sebastian is quick enough to put a foot in the way before he manages to do so.

“Listen, I want to explain-“

Mark interrupts him. “You are married. You should not be here. And you should forget what happened. So fuck off, now.”

Oh. Sebastian has not expected Mark would bother about that. But then, he should have known better. Mark has always had a good sense of loyalty. “Actually, not.”

“Not what?” Mark asks, sounding impatient. Sebastian feels stabbed by those black eyes once again.

“Not married,” he mumbles.

“Weren’t you going to?” There’s confusion in Mark’s expression.

How does Mark know anyway, they had kept the plan rather quiet? Could only have been Christian slipping it. Would be typical. Sebastian does not want to go there now, does not want the conversation go in that direction. “Kind of. Why do you care?”

Mark snaps, “Because I _kind of_ have a bit of moral left.”

That is a ridiculous argument and Sebastian knows he can call him out on this one. “In that case, shouldn’t you be more worried about Ann?”

“That is none of your business.” _Yeah right._ Sebastian sighs and suddenly realizes that he is still in the hallway.

“What about you let me in and we _do_ talk about this. In private, maybe, without entertaining the hotel?”

Mark gives him a look full of resignation and finally lets him in. They stand across from each other awkwardly and he is fully aware of the disapproval in Mark’s eyes and his crossed arms in front of his chest, every part of the Australian in defence mode.

“So, you are not married?” Mark’s voice is hoarse.

“Nope.” This is not why Sebastian is here, it has nothing to do with them.

“Because of this?” Sebastian wonders why Mark even cares. Does he feel guilty?

“Nope,” he shrugs it away. It really has nothing to do with them.

He can see Mark is getting more and more irritated. “For being the one who wanted to talk you’re not really wordy now. Did you take lessons with Kimi?”

Sebastian snorts. “Okay, if it matters to you so much, we broke it off about a month prior. She broke it off, okay? She chose a guy who is home more, who can give her and Emilie more stability. Whatever.”

Dark eyes are locking with his again, studying him. It sends shivers down Sebastian’s spine. “Sorry, mate. Though you don’t really sound all that impressed,” Mark retorts after a pause.

No, he probably does not sound impressed and he sighs at the realization that he will have to tell Mark what happened before the Australian will change the topic. “I haven’t told anyone but you know what? It was a relief. I would have broken up a while ago but I couldn’t because we do have a daughter and I would have been the prototype badass and yeah, I was just relieved she found someone she deserves and released me of my guilt and my obligation. And because she’s now the one full of guilt about it I can pretty much have any time with my daughter that I want. It’s perfect.” Sebastian blushes, ashamed of his feelings and of pouring them out in front of Mark of all people. “Anyway, _mate_ ,” he emphasizes the word sarcastically, “what about Ann?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Burn For You: Written by Hutchence, M./ Farriss, A., performed by INXS, (c) Universal Music Corp.


	8. Hellbound

_Facing fears that you'll overcome and one_

“Ann is my manager,” He says with a sigh, knowing what he will have to reveal. It is only fair, Sebastian has been astonishingly honest with him, something that demonstrates a courage he has not expected from the kid. Now, the German just raises an eyebrow and Mark turns his face away, staring out of the window. He cannot look him in the eyes during this. “She is only my manager and never has been more. She… no, we… acted the rest because image matters and Formula One didn’t seem ready for gay drivers.” So, yeah, he said it and revealed his best kept secret to his worst enemy and probably he just threw away his career. Then again, there is no response. Mark does not want to look at him though, still staring into the sunset. Why does the German have this power over him that makes him do and say all these things he later regrets?

“I didn’t know.” Sebastian’s voice is shaky and Mark turns his head, surprised that there is no mocking, no threatening, apparently just insecurity. The blue eyes are resting on him, serious and concerned and he is confused by Sebastian's reaction.

“Obviously you didn’t.” Mark swallows. “That was the point.” They sit in silence for a while and it seems like an eternity for Mark. Their gazes stay locked but Sebastian’s look has become inscrutable for him. When the tension becomes unbearable, he coughs and raises his voice. “Why are you here?”

He watches Sebastian blush and tremble, his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirts and his view suddenly glued to the floor. It takes another tense moment before he raises his head again, a sudden confidence in the blue eyes that shocks Mark. Sebastian is still blushed but his voice is steady when he replies, “Fuck me again.”

Mark’s brain is shouting and yelling, urging him to kick the brat out now before it is all lost. Still, Sebastian’s words are shooting straight to his cock and he shivers involuntarily. His mind is seeing things in slow motion when the German stands up from the couch and walks over to sit on his lap, straddling his legs. His brain has lost the battle when Sebastian’s tongue is playing with his earlobe and the young man whispers, “I want you.”

_Of these years you know you've won_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellbound: Written by Anselmo/ Abbott/ Brown/ Abbott, perfomed by Pantera, (c) Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Vdpr Music


	9. Bad Romance

_I want your love and_  
 _I want your revenge_

~~~~~

Sebastian kisses Mark and again there is nothing loving or gentle about their kissing. It is violent and rough, leaving the taste of blood behind. He is claiming Mark and he wants and finds himself to be claimed back. They are panting for air when Mark breaks the kiss and gets up, pulling Sebastian with him. Sebastian is absorbed by his touch, torn apart by the way he undresses him and he loses himself in the moment because he is surrendering completely. It is an unusual form of freedom where he is not required to think or plan. Mark lifts him on the bed with ease and Sebastian loves his strength, loves that he is able to do this to him. Their act is a complete reenactment of the week before, it is just what Sebastian has craved for, every bit of hurt, sweat and lust, but it is bound to be over eventually, both of them moaning and screaming again. 

Sebastian is exhausted, flat on the bed and gasping for air. Inside of him, nervousness and fear are getting the upper hand as he is expecting the inevitable, expecting Mark to kick him out again. It does not happen though and so he just rests, catches his breath and lets his thoughts wander. All these years has this been what they both wanted? Does Mark really want this or is he forcing it? He never understood the Australian very well, could never read him and that has not changed just because they shared this, whatever it is. Sebastian assumes that for Mark it is probably just convenient, meaningless fucking. What it is for himself, he still has to figure out.

"Have you been with a man before?" Sebastian jerks his head around and stares at Mark, who has propped himself up on his side and is looking straight at him. This comes unexpected.

He considers lying shamelessly but then decides that it would be pointless. "No. Why does it matter?"

"So are you just trying this?" Mark's fingers brush against Sebastian's nipples, making him shiver.

"If I just wanted to _try this_ I could have stayed at the paddock and stalk me a nice guy there, someone like Jenson. I wouldn't have had to go to Le Mans or come here for that and you know that." Sebastian's voice trembles and he moans as Mark strokes along the inside of his thighs frowning when Mark lets out a dry laugh.

"If I know one thing about Button, it is that he is not a nice guy." Mark says after a brief pause and his voice is ice cold. Sebastian looks into his eyes, searching for clues what happened between Mark and Jenson, but Mark's guards are up and he is inscrutable for him. "Join me in the shower?"

That is an offer Sebastian would never have expected but he is certainly not rejecting it and nods. He is even more surprised when Mark comes around the bed and carries him into the shower and then, under the hot water, washes him with an intimacy and delicacy that is new between them. For Sebastian, it is pure bliss. He feels sheltered in Mark's arms in a way that he has not felt for a long time and he is leaning into every single touch, every caress. He is craving and longing for all that Mark is willing to put on offer here. At the same time, he thinks getting kicked out would have been easier than this. Because it will end and then Mark will be Mark and all the gentleness, the love and the tenderness will be ripped from him and that will be more brutal than anything.

~~~~~

_You know that I want you_  
 _And you know that I need you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Romance: Written by Khayat/ Germanotta, performed by Lady Gaga, (c) House Of Gaga Publishing Inc./ Sony/ ATV Songs LLC/ Songs Of Redone


	10. Set The Fire To The Third Bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the title was so confusing that I had to google it and Snow Patrol I don't even like, but the song is perfect.

_Your words in my memory_  
 _Are like music to me_

Mark is close to falling. He catches himself thinking of Sebastian and there is no way he can get their encounters out of his mind. Day by day, he tries to convince himself that he hates the German, that the kid is a spoilt brat, unreliable and selfish. He reminds himself that this is bound to end in disaster and that he will regret every second of it. Yet, come the night, he will be tossing and turning in his sheets, remembering the sight of a toned, pale body unravelling underneath him, hearing the sweet noises of desire he makes, feeling his smooth skin covered in sweat, tasting his full lips. Mark's thoughts will center on gentle fingers, caressing his back and desperately clenching in his hair. And then he will return to that shower, carrying his young and beautiful lover, blue eyes finally without any guards, completely vulnerable. He should never have allowed that gentleness to happen but he cannot undo it now and he knows he is probably hurting a kid and he hates himself for it. Still, he completely fails at getting it out of his head. The kid has him hooked and part of Mark thinks he hates him a little more for this. By now, sleep has become restless for Mark because dreams of _him_ are inevitable and waking up, soaked in sweat and flooded with desire is agonizing torture. Maybe he is not close to falling but has stepped over the edge unconsciously a long time ago. Sometimes, he wonders how long this has been going on in his head and images flicker in his mind of an even younger German kid, coming fresh into the team, amusing and annoying him with his attitude at the same time. Sebastian has always had an innocence to him that Mark never wanted to corrupt and yet, he ended up doing just that. _I miss you,_ Sebastian had said and the thought sends shivers down Mark's spine.

_I'm miles from where you are,_  
 _I lay down on the cold ground_

It is a hot and steamy night in Geneva, a thunderstorm building up and darkness sinking over the city. Mark is nervous, restless. Waiting, fearing, hoping. He is expecting _him_ because their obligations have taken them to the same city for a change and he is sure Sebastian knows that as well. Is it a lucky coincidence? Fate? Or disaster averted? Mark's heart is pounding with every intention to break his ribs from the inside and ever since he placed his suitcase in the room, he cannot focus on anything. The knock on the door makes him jump and causes goose bumps all over his skin. He braces himself, tries to get his appearance confident and opens the door. He locks it behind them with a smooth movement and then he is all over Sebastian, devouring him. Shoes are kicked away, clothes are shed in a haste, jeans and belts dropping to the floor and shirts flying across the room. It is hot skin on even hotter skin, a beautiful contrast between pale and tan, only separated with a thin layer of sweat. Lips are bitten, teeth are gritting, kisses are vigorous and demanding. Mark spreads Sebastian on the sheets, admiring him with awe, sucking in the image of _his_ lover, vulnerable and on display like an offering. The weather is playing along as thunder is rolling outside and storm is hauling, clashing rain against the large windows. Mark crawls over Sebastian, kissing his way up from Sebastian's cock to his mouth, leaving bruises on his collarbones on the way, and he only opens him briefly before burying him inside Sebastian with a single thrust that makes Sebastian scream and clench his hands in Mark's shoulders, leaving marks with his nails. Their orgasms come almost at the same time, Mark having mastered to rip pleasure from the younger man only by his thrusts, and their loud groans and swears should embarrass them but they are too far away to notice.

_I pray that something picks me up_  
 _And sets me down in your warm arms_

They end up side by side on the bed, both on their backs and still gasping for air, their hands tangled between them. It is silent for a while before Mark hears Sebastian's voice. "You know what Hanna thought about you?"

"No." And I do not care much, he wants to add, but does not, feeling too tired for fighting.

"She always thought there was something going on between us." Sebastian sounds far away, contemplating and his remark is intriguing Mark.

"Sure, there was a lot of fighting," he says vaguely. 

"That's not what she thought," Sebastian says with a very quiet voice, almost whispering. "She said to hate each other as much as we did we must have loved each other once because that was the only way how so much passion could have been created."

Mark hardly understood the last words for Sebastian's voice has become even softer but he is struck by what he heard. He turns on his side, looking at Sebastian and with his hands turns Sebastian's face so that he can see the blue eyes. Sebastian holds his gaze, challenging him to respond and Mark swallows. But he does not say a word. Instead, he gets up, walks around the bed and takes the German into the shower with him, much like the last time. His mind is spinning because he understands well what Hanna said and not only does he understand, he knows it is true. For him. He doubts it is the same for Sebastian. Lost in thoughts he cleans both of them, wraps them in a huge towel, dries them and gets them back into the bed, tossing the used sheets and wrapping them in the duvet. Neither of them speaks. They are listening to the last rain, now dripping softly against the glass and Mark lets Sebastian curl up in his arms, his fingers playing with damp blonde curls. It feels good, like home, or even having all you ever wanted. But it will be over in a few hours and that knowledge is weighing heavy on Mark's mind. It makes him irritated and restless again and long after Sebastian has drifted away with his head on Mark's chest the Australian is still wide awake, caught in memories.

_After I have travelled so far_  
 _We'd set the fire to the third bar_  
 _We'd share each other like an island_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set The Fire To The Third Bar: Written by Lightbody/ Wilson/ Simpson/ Connolly/ Quinn, J.G./ Quinn, J., performed by Snow Patrol feat. Martha Wainwright, (c) Big Life Music, Universal Music Publishing Bl Ltd.


	11. Last Request

Their third encounter had ended in no less than a complete disaster and the last words they have spoken are on auto-repeat in SebastIan's head while he is sitting in yet another hotelroom, strategically emptying the minibar.

_"So, you let me fuck you although you thought I was with Ann."_

_"Yeah, and you fucked me although you thought I was married. What's your point?"_

_"But it bothered me. Did it bother you? I don’t think so because you came back and you’d have fucked either way, even if I had said I was with her and loved her, don’t you think? Because that is just the selfishness I hate about you. You will take what you want and you won’t even care about anyone else. And you're damn right, I don't trust you."_

Sebastian had left, turning wordlessly and walking out on Mark without looking back. Of course, there is a painful truth in the harsh words. And sure, Sebastian always expected just this to happen, tried to mentally prepare for the obligatory kick. But it hurt so bad, still does. When he heard about broken or scattered hearts he never thought it could truly feel like that. Like someone ripping his heart out his chest and tearing it into pieces. Because it had never been mindless fucking and because Mark's occasional gentleness just gave him that little spark of hope that the Australian felt the same. Which in fact, he kind of admitted he does but does not want Sebastian because he does not trust him. Sebastian sighs, circle of thoughts completed once more and opens the next bottle.

The next days, he spends under a haze, feeling disconnected from his body and his real life. It seems as if he is standing outside of everything, watching what is going on, what is happening with him. Racing used to distract him from everything and used to consume his thoughts entirely. This time, it is different. Mark is right and then not right at all and Sebastian cannot even decide if he feels sorry or is angry and the entire turmoil in his head effectively hinders him from participating in his everyday business. At night, memories of their times together haunt him and keep him from sleep. It is not long until the people around him, close to him, notice and start asking. Towards the end of a horrible week, he gives up. He is not getting over it and he does not want to get over it, if he is honest with himself. He wants Mark to understand, wants Mark to see that as selfish as he is, he is also determined and wants to use that determination to make things work. He wants things to work, he wants more of Mark and Mark must want more, too. Because it would not matter whether or not he can trust Sebastian if he was not wanting something serious out of this. And Sebastian is sitting there, his phone in his hand, and calling feels like giving up, like surrender and like admitting that Mark has been right all along but none of that matters because missing Mark has become an unbearable pain. He does not understand Mark's motives though he supposes they are better than he would have expected and he will not find out what Mark thinks without them speaking. And even if Mark probably will not have changed his mind about him they could still continue, even if it is not leading anywhere else Sebastian would take as little as he can get as long as he gets something of Mark. And then he notices he is rambling in his mind and to stop himself he dials with his fingers shaking. _Only one more time. I want him one more time._

_Grant my last request,_   
_And just let me hold you._

Sebastian's heart is pounding relentlessly when he reaches out and knocks. The door opens immediately, _as if he had been waiting next do it._ It puts a small, tentative smile to Sebastian's face and then he looks into Mark's eyes and his heart seems to stop beating and the entire world stops turning while he finds Mark looking back at him with genuine joy. _He is happy to see me this time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Request: Written by Foster/ Nutini/ Benbrook, performe by Paolo Nutini, (c) Warner/Chappell Music Publishing Ltd., Burlington Music Co. Ltd.


	12. Take The Pain Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't mean to upset anyone, so: _It is never as bad as it looks at first sight!_

_I was worried about everything my head began to howl_  
 _I am running away from myself there's_  
 _too many demons around here now_

Mark is genuinely happy to see Sebastian and, to his own irritation, he is also sorry about his words, feeling like a hypocrite. He has not changed his mind about Sebastian, he still thinks the German is a selfish kid, but he realized that he is no different himself. It comes with the job he thinks, because if you are not at least a little self-centered, you do not win races. In their relationship, or whatever they have established between them, Mark knows he has been incredibly selfish even. He has been the one just taking everything Sebastian offered and he has not been the one who went through loads of trouble to be reaching out, that has always been Sebastian's part. It is not different today. At the end of the day, Mark knows well why Sebastian walked out on him the last time and he knows he should apologize but that is when pride comes into play and he does not really want to go there. Then, he is looking into these blue eyes that have haunted him in his sleep for weeks or maybe years now and they are full of hurt and suddenly all he wants do is make it right.

He pulls Sebastian inside, closing the door behind them, locking away the world. There are no words said and they do follow their usual pattern and yet it is different this time. Their kisses are softer tonight, without biting lips, no gritting teeth and no blood. Everything is that little bit slower, there is a tentativeness that is new to their lovemaking. Mark is exploring Sebastian's body with his fingers and lips while he is undressing him and he likes what he finds. He takes pleasure in the litany of filthy words that pour out of the German's mouth when Mark's tongue is teasing his cock. He is gentle today when he takes Sebastian to the bed and he is careful when opening him, excruciatingly slow with his thrusts. For the first time, he is looking at Sebastian and sees the young man fragile and Mark does not want to break him. He knows that this will not end well because it never does but he wishes it would not as he does not think he can stand to see the hurt in Sebastian's eyes anymore. They last longer tonight, clinging to each other for what feels like an eternity. Mark is drowning in Sebastian's smell and burning from his touch when their orgasms finally crash over them. Tonight, there is no shower, no need to clean up. All he wants is to take Sebastian and wrap him into his arms and never let him go, so he does just that. After weeks of restless sleep, it is only a moment now before he is relaxing against the pale body next to him, his head buried in the crook of Sebastian's neck, and drifts away. 

_Everybody I don't know what to say_  
 _I wish I could take the pain away_

Mark wakes up early the next morning with a wave of regret washing over him. He just made matters so much worse. Being the older, he should take the responsibility and last night that would have meant talking about this. Because nothing changed, really. Neither the world, nor any of them. And even if they should love each other it will not change a thing. So Mark is sitting up on the bed, still sticky with sweat and he feels nauseous and hung-over. Sebastian stirs, he probably woke him when he moved and he cannot bear the fondness in his blue and sleepy eyes, knowing they will fill with pain again. He gets up and takes him to the shower but he is absentminded this time and there is a nervous tension between them through it all. Mark only raises his voice when they are fully clothed again, standing across the room from each other and both fidgeting with their shirts. "It is not going to work, is it?" 

Sebastian does not answer and but Mark can see the first flicker of pain in his eyes when the younger man processes the words. The German clears his throat and produces a pack of cigarettes from his jeans. "Could we go out?"

They sit next to each other on the floor of the small balcony, backs against the glass of the floor-length windows and face the early morning sun. Mark is surprised that Sebastian smokes, he has never seen it. "Did Kimi get you hooked on those?"

"Huh?" A raised eyebrow and Mark points to the small carton in Sebastian's hand. "Ah, okay. No, not really. But it is usually more of a party thing." Sebastian shrugs. "Want one?"

Mark nods. Their fingers brush when he takes the lighter from him and Mark thinks his skin is burning under his touch. They sit in silence for a while, their eyes following the little lines of smoke they make.

"We could try to make it work." Sebastian's voice is defiant. 

"Really?" Mark says sarcastically, the words coming out harsher than he wanted them to be. He remembers a very similar situation that happened years ago, a similar conversation and the pain that followed it. He swallows and adds, "Been there, done that and believe me, it is not pretty."

Sebastian looks at him now, blue eyes glaring at him. "Button." It is a statement, not a question. And Mark does not react to it, knowing that will be all the answer Sebastian needs to know. "So I can blame Jenson for this?"

"You could. Or the world if you please. But this," Mark gestures at them helplessly, "is over my head. I cannot do it. I would say that I'm sorry if I thought that it would change a thing or help you or whatever." He clears his throat, trying to gain control over his trembling voice. "But I cannot do this any longer. I don't want to do this to you because it won't be what you want or need. I won't be."

"And you, of all people, know what is right for me, don't you?" Sebastian asks with a bitter voice. "And you won't even let me make this mistake by myself?"

"We should not see each other anymore." Mark gets up and stares at the city waking up under them, dropping his cigarette carelessly. He cannot believe he used that phrase.

"I don't know how, but it somehow got established between us without saying it, Mark, I love you and you love me back. And you are an ass." Mark does not turn around, does not look at Sebastian. He can hear him get up, he can hear him leave and he when he hears the door of his hotel room close he lets himself sink to the ground with a sigh. _The kid will get over it. He'll be alright._

_So if you have to go then you'd better go now_  
 _Go off somewhere safe I hope you will somehow_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take Away The Pain: Written by Ramone,J./ Ramone, D.D./ Rey, performed by Ramones, (c) Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Laura Ann Music, Taco Tunes (Joey Ramone Royalty Collection), Taco Tunes, Rabinowitz Music


	13. Strong Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be bit different because it alternates between Mark's and Sebastian's POV, just saying.  
> And yeah, I can't believe I'm posting the last chapter of this *sniff*. I will miss them. Badly.  
>  **A big thank you to everybody who commented, gave kudos and read this, you've made my day (my week), yay :-)**

_Just try and love me if you can_  
 _Are you strong enough to be my man?_

Sebastian has sulked in self-pity and sorrow for almost two weeks and now, in his hotel room in Silverstone, it is no different, really. Except, there is that text, sent to him from a number that is engraved in his memory. It is brief, but in its few words all his questions are asked, his whole world is summarized and deeply buried in it is also the last straw, the grain of hope he has been wishing for. For the hundredth time he reaches for his phone and opens it, staring at it until the words get blurred. _La Sarthe, Spielberg, Geneva, London. Silverstone!_ It can only mean one thing, Sebastian only wants it to mean one thing; _he_ will be there. The names of all these cities make him recall all the anonymous rooms, the passionate kisses, the tender moments - and the pain. Against his own principles, Sebastian has thought about giving up, stopping the pursuit of a person he knows he loves but who seemingly cannot reciprocate. He has done the one thing left, reaching out to the least person he would ever wanted to need help from and Fernando, much to Sebastian's surprise, matter-of-factly gave him a rundown on the events between Mark and Jenson, one of the saddest stories he has heard. The Spaniard's last words to him are still ringing in his ears, _if you do anything like that to him I will kill you with my bare hands_. And his voice left no doubts that he is serious about the threat. After their phone call, Sebastian understands Mark but a part of him refuses to accept that as a reason and his impatient, hopeful anxiety after the text makes one thing clear, he might have been close to give Mark up but he is not yet ready. Maybe he should get himself a drink so his nerves will calm and the trembling will stop. He is just reaching into the small fridge when it knocks. The sound feels like a punch in his guts and it makes his stomach flip from fear and he trembles walking over to the door, opening it with shaky hands.

He sees Mark's face and has to resist the urge to jump all over him. This time, they will talk first, before it is too late. Right now, they are standing across each other, both blushed, both shaky and it is Sebastian who ends the silence, blurting out the first thing that comes to his mind. "I talked to Fernando." 

"I know, he told me." Mark swallows. 

Sebastian feels anger rising in his veins. "You know, I'm not Jenson." 

"I know. Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have sent you away." Mark sounds very tired now. 

_Lie to me_  
 _I promise I'll believe_

"So you've changed your mind?" Sebastian watches the Australian's face. 

Mark nods now. "I think so."

Sebastian wants to believe what he hears, wants it to be true. But there is still anger and frustration left inside of him because he is tired of the rollercoaster Mark has put him through and he does not want to go there again.

"What's different then? How do I know you won't run away first thing tomorrow morning?"

"I trust you." Likely, this is the first time Mark has ever said that to someone and he means every word. It took him a while, hopefully not too long, but something changed over the past month and it has to do with trust. Because despite all the childishness, the selfishness and all the attitude Sebastian never gave him a reason not to trust him over those weeks. The German had turned up, against better knowledge and other obligations and he had been honest about his feelings and his intentions, he had offered himself completely, gave himself into Mark's hands and left himself at Mark's mercy more than once. Mark had been oblivious at first but when realization hit him, it changed everything. Now he can only hope that he made his move soon enough while he is nervously waiting for Sebastian's reaction. He is watching the German's eyes and face carefully but finds them inscrutable at the moment. 

"Prove it!" Mark sees him cross his arms in front of his chest, his expression challenging now. And Mark knows what he has to do, has thought about this for days and tried to brace himself as much as possible for his next step. He knows how much Nando has told Sebastian and that the kid will know what this means to him and for him. One last deep breath, one more time swallowing, his hands fidgeting with his shirt nervously.

"Fuck me," Mark says, trying his best to keep a steady voice. He watches Sebastian's face, sees the myriad of emotions that run over it while he processes what he heard and what is on offer. It is the waiting for a response that is killing Mark, tearing his heart apart, making his breath hitch and covering his forehead in cold sweat.

"Really?" Sebastian is still standing across from him, eyeing him in disbelief and Mark wants to turn around and run away. Instead, he nods and watches with fascination when Sebastian's face is suddenly confident and the younger man walks over to him like a lion stalking his prey. HIs hands reach for Mark's neck, pulling him into a desperate kiss, one like their first kisses where there is a taste of blood in their mouths from the violence. Mark has surrendered, and he is now leaning into Sebastian's touch as the German is undressing him, placing little kisses on every inch of skin he uncovers. He is sending shivers down Mark's spine and makes the hair in Mark's neck stand up, finally sucking on his shoulder to leave a bruise. If he was not as nervous, the Australian would think it is perfect. 

He has let down the guards, Sebastian can read Mark like an open book, can see the fear in his eyes. He steps out of his own jeans and discards his shirt quickly, finally pressing their naked bodies against each other. They are both hard already, for Sebastian it is because of the excitement, the prospect of what he will be doing to Mark. He holds on to the small of Mark's back and rests his head against the taller man's shoulder. "You trust me, right?" He whispers and feels Mark nod. "Relax." He pushes the Australian down on the mattress with full force, enjoying the unfamiliar feeling of power, covering him with kisses and bites. Mark is panting when Sebastian strokes the inside of his thighs, again and again, only brushing his cock occasionally.  


"Please, Sebastian." It's a soft whimper and Sebastian's cock twitches now as it is the first time he hears Mark beg. Propped up over the Australian he reaches to the nightstand with one hand, grabbing for a condom which he presses into Mark's hand. "Put it on me." Mark complies and Sebastian cannot help smiling when he notices the trembling in his hands. He slicks his fingers with lube and leans down to kiss Mark passionately while his fingers start pressing inside him. 

It is painful but for Mark it is more than just the physical discomfort, it is the loss of control that he fears and that makes his heart thunder in his chest. Sebastian has opened him carefully and is now tentatively pushing inside him, watching him closely and breathing heavily. _It is Sebastian, it is okay,_ he repeats to himself like a mantra, his eyes locked with Sebastian's, his hands clenched tightly in blond curls. There is a lot of concentration in Sebastian's face and Mark knows his struggles, knows of the intense focus, the tremors in his arms, attempting to hold back, to take things slow. It takes an eternity before the German is fully inside and another eternity before he starts moving. When he does, it is agony at first and Sebastian seems to see it in his eyes, raising his eyebrows as if asking whether he should stop. "It's okay," Mark manages to press out and then Sebastian finds the right angle for his movements and Mark is seeing stars and colours.

Sebastian is covered in sweat, his arms exhausted to the limit but it is all worth it as he is looking into Mark's disheveled face, watching him become undone. It is a gorgeous sight and it makes his desire grow even more, makes him thrust harder and faster. The grip in his hair gets tighter and when his fingers wrap around Mark's cock, he elicits a not very manly scream from the Australian before he feels him come over his hand and stomach. The clenching of Mark's muscles drives Sebastian over the edge instantly as well. Their eyes stay locked through their climax until Sebastian collapses on top of Mark, burying his head in the crook of Mark's neck. They stay like that for a while, catching their breath. Mark whimpers a little when Sebastian finally pulls out, tossing the used condom on the floor and rolling next to him. "That was fabulous, thank you," Sebastian whispers into his ear.

Mark pulls him closer, wrapping his arms tightly around the smaller man. "Believe me now?" He feels Sebastian nod against his shoulder. "Good." He waits a moment before he continues, "You were right, you know? I love you, Sebastian."

He can hear Sebastian chuckle briefly. "I don't know what surprises me more, you loving me or you admitting that I was right about something." Sebastian props himself up and looks at him now, blue eyes locking gaze with dark eyes once again. "I love you, too." There is another pause before Sebastian continues. "So do you think we can work it out?" _Say yes, please, please, please say yes. You can lie, but right now you cannot send me away._ Sebastian's heart is pounding.

"I don't know. But I want to try. Is that good enough for you?"

It is not rocks but mountains that fall from Sebastian's chest. "More than enough, all I wanted to hear."

_My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, That I must love a loathed enemy._

 _~William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strong Enough: Written by Crow/ Bottrell/ Gilbert/ Ricketts/ Taylor/ Macleod, performed by Sheryl Crow, (c) Warner Tamerlane Publishing Corp.


	14. Gourmandises - French Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit from both perspectives. Sorry, I hope it won't be confusing. Oh, and the story has reached post-Hungary 2014.

With both of their racing series on summer break, they have made their way to a remote French village, close to the mountains and they are staying in an even more remote cottage that Sebastian had not idea existed until recently. Another one of Mark’s mysteries, the man is certainly good at the hiding game. According to his management, Sebastian is on holiday with his family in Switzerland. Mark, according to his management, is having a romantic getaway with his manager in Australia. Thinking of all the paparazzi, searching for one of them in vain, has made them chuckle all week. So far, their time together has been amazingly peaceful and lazy, spent at the pool and on the terrace. The weather has been hot every day, the Mediterranean region suffering from a heat wave with temperatures in the 40s ( _Celsius, it's above 100° F_ ). They have spent countless hours lying next to each other under the glistening sun, mostly in silence, the only sounds coming from the cicadas. The smell of dry grass and lavender surrounds them and clings to their skin and hair and when they touch, they are electrified by the heat of the other's body. Most evenings, Mark has been cooking for them, adding a nice domesticity to their relationship and Sebastian has to admit, he is very good at it. In turn, the German has been struggling with the simplest kitchen task, much to Mark's amusement. With the sun setting and temperatures dropping, they spent long nights sitting on the terrace, Sebastian's head resting on Mark's shoulder, talking about nothing and everything. They told each other about everything from their favorite movies to their kindergarten friends and sometimes, they could not help regretting all the years they lost at Red Bull, because really, they could and should have gotten to know each other better much earlier. Quickly, the days and nights began floating into each other, merged into an endless series of soft words, touches, kisses, whispers, laughter and passion. 

The end of their blissful time is approaching now and when they are lying next to the pool on their last afternoon, their skin burning from the sun, Sebastian finds that something is nagging in his mind. 

He turns to the side, looking at Mark who is still splayed out on his back and drawing circles on Mark's toned and beautifully tanned stomach. “Does Ann know?” He hears Mark draw in a sharp breath.

“About us? No." Mark pauses and turns on his side, looking into his eyes now with a questioning look. "She knows there is someone and for her that is enough, she would never ask. Only two people know, as far as I am concerned."

Two people? Sebastian is surprised. “Who is the second?”

“Huh?” Mark looks at him in confusion.

“Who is the second person?" Sebastian specifies his question. "One is Fernando, what about the other person? I surely have not told anyone.”

Now, the Australian is chuckling, much to Sebastian's bewilderment. “Wait, don’t tell me Fernando told you about all my dirty little secrets and didn’t even bother to tell you about him?”

“Whom?” Sebastian is irritated now, his voice gets harsher.

“Fernando is with David. And I bet you he told DC about us the second he heard it.” Sebastian’s head slowly processes the information.

“Fernando Alonso is seeing David Coulthard?”

“Not just seeing, mate." Mark is grinning broadly. "They practically live together.”

Okay, so Mark is not the only one who is good at hiding stuff from people. Sebastian is still digesting the news and thinking about raises images of a domestic lifestyle in his head that he suddenly likes. Strange, when Hanna pushed him in that direction, settling down was scaring him and now that it is unattainable it has become ever so attractive. “I want that, too," he blurts out after a while.

“Want what?”

“Live with you. All the time. Most of the time anyway," Sebastian says with a contemplating voice. "It’s been perfect here.” Mark is speechless and after a moment, Sebastian just continues. "Could you imagine us like that?"

"Sure." Mark swallows. It is not something he just imagines, it is the dream that keeps him awake some nights. "It would be great. You'd have to learn how to cut vegetables though." He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood and presses a kiss Sebastian's now pouting lips. It gets quiet between them again, they are just lying there, holding hands. 

"We could, you know, and actually," Sebastian says after a while. "I kind of want more." The serious statement confuses Mark.

"More what?"

"More of you, more of us. I wish I could just tell everybody and shout it at the world and I wish I could do normal stuff with you, like having dinner some place."

Mark smiles at the naive enthusiasm. "You know it is not that easy."

"I'd come out if you wanted to." Sebastian sounds defiant now and he is pouting again. Mark fights the urge to just silence him with a kiss on those cute lips.

"If you did, and your career faltered, you’d blame me.” He could not bear it, he is not ready to carry that responsibility.  


“Nope, I wouldn't blame you. And it won’t falter. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone but me after winning four championships. I’ve proven my point.”

"I take it your confidence is still intact." Mark chuckles and can no longer resist, passionately kissing Sebastian's pout before he continues. "It's getting late, want to go finish that dinner?" Sebastian nods but something in his look tells Mark that the issue of coming out is not resolved.

~~~~~

“There is something I don’t understand." It is Mark's turn to voice his concerns now. Dinner is finished, they are full and they have returned to sit on the brick wall surrounding the terrace, sharing red wine straight from the bottle and dressed in only their boxers. It is cooler now, the evening breeze causing them to shiver. Sebastian's skin is still hot though where he is leaning against Mark's side, head resting on the taller man's shoulder again. Why break a comforting routine? Mark draws in a sharp breath before he continues, "You know, you’ve never been with a man and I never had the impression you were gay and still this seemed all so easy for you. Didn't you have a problem with it? I'm not even comfortable with being gay at times and I've known for a while." It is a thought that bothers him, he would not want Sebastian to have a huge crisis of identity.

The younger man thinks about the question for a moment and has some wine before he shakes his head and responds, “Actually, I never thought about it that way. I fell for you, I wanted you, I fought to get you. And it was even hotter than I expected.”

“It surely wasn’t that simple?"

"Technically? It was okay. I was worried I'd do something wrong or that it would hurt and I felt like nervous as a virgin." Sebastian blushes. "But then you took control and it was incredibly good and I didn't want to stop."

Mark is shaking his head now, a small smile on his lips. "That is not what I meant. Most men are not that open about being with another man, so I thought it must have been a struggle for you?"

“Oh." Sebastian facepalms internally ... _Jenson never wanted to admit..._ that is what this is about. "For me, it has not been a struggle, really, don't worry. I was confused about liking you, but I've learned that sexuality can be fluent, it can come in all kinds of forms and I don’t think about it in black or white or male or female. I will fall in love with a person, not a gender, a body or anything else. And if you’re asking me if I am comfortable with being labeled bisexual or gay then yes, I think I am or at least, it does not bother me, you know, because it does not change a thing about me. And if you want to test it feel free, I’ll happily come out in front of the entire world if you are ready, I was quite serious about that this afternoon.”

Mark listened to the little speech, his jaw dropping and his eyes have grown full of fondness and respect. He is beaming at Sebastian, flattered and proud, and wow, the immature kid that cannot use a washing machine or cut a carrot into decent pieces has just given him a lecture on life. The German moves to sit on his lap now, straddling his legs and his arms around the taller man's neck. He is looking at a new Mark, one with all his guards down, with teary eyes and trembling lips, and he likes the sight. "Are you okay?" Sebastian whispers softly.

"Yes, more than that." Mark's voice is shaky. "But I won't test it quite yet, okay?" Sebastian nods and the Australian continues, "It's getting cold, want to go to bed?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Sebastian drains the bottle and leads Mark inside with determination. Tonight, he wants control and Mark is more than ready to give it to him, letting the smaller man lead them to the bed, shed their boxers and shove him down into the mattress. Mark devours Sebastian with his eyes, thinking that he is beautiful the way he is leaning over him now, his smooth skin bronze from the sun, leaner than Mark but still amazingly toned, messy blond hair and lust written in his blue eyes. In his mind, Mark saves an image, wanting to have a reminder of this when they are apart again. Sebastian is rougher with him tonight, kisses him with more force, letting their teeth grit and their lips bleed. When his mouth moves down, kissing Mark's throat and chest, it feels like being ravished, with Sebastian biting and sucking, leaving marks and bruises all over him. _He is owning me_ , Mark thinks to himself and the thought is really arousing. There is not much tenderness when Sebastian pushes his fingers inside him, breaching him, but desire is clouding Mark's mind, overshadowing the pain and he is panting heavily under the German. "Ready?" Sebastian is breathless, too. Mark only manages a nod and then Sebastian is thrusting inside him already. Everything is passionate about him tonight, every move says _you are mine_. Right now, Mark wants to be his, wants Sebastian to prove it to him, more than anything and he is loving and enjoying the possessiveness that he shows, clenching fists in his thighs, taking what he wants, at his speed, ripping his orgasm out of him. A scream of presumably German swear words come out of Sebastian's mouth when he comes and collapses on him, his body shaking from the exhaustion. They are sweaty and sticky and they should really get up and shower. Instead, Mark only pulls Sebastian closer, wrapping his arms tightly around him and they fall straight asleep.

_J'ai si faim de toi_  
 _tu le dis sans cesse_

_I'm so hungry for you, you say it without ceasing_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gourmandises: Written by Farmer/Boutonnat, performed by Alizée, (c) Polydor/Universal
> 
> *Gourmandises = Delicacies


	15. I'll Be Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware of the fluff, the plot shall return soon :)

_But we had time against us,_  
 _Miles between us,_  
 _The heavens cried,_

After France, his old life feels empty. Mark is desperately trying to keep himself busy but despite his best intentions he finds himself sulking ever so often. It has to stop soon, there will be testing and races are coming up. He cannot afford to have the team notice. It has been two weeks since their memorable vacation and every second since then has involved thinking about Sebastian. They have been texting and calling like teenagers and part of him feels just like that, like a teenager all over again. Sometimes, he does not like it so much because it brings a lot of self-consciousness and nervousness over him which he thought he had defeated for good. Other times, he dreads their calls, as the obvious sadness, the longing in Sebastian's voice is only partly flattering. At the same time, it makes him very desperate because he only wants the boy to be happy. Even more so now that he is beginning to grasp the sincerity behind Sebastian's actions. His words on that brick wall, his proclamation of unlimited love, these words are engraved in Mark's head, ringing in his ears and while they flood him with joy they also bring a truly scary responsibility with them as he feels he has to justify the trust and the loyalty that Sebastian has shown to him. The possibility of failing at this task is weighing heavy on his mind. 

Monza arrives and it is a horrible race, once again, and Mark suffers with Sebastian when the interviews center on Dan's success and his failure over and over. Mark remembers the feeling all too well but at least he has always been the underdog and often the public was generous with him. Sebastian does not have that luck, instead it feels as if there are many people just waiting for him to fall and that makes Mark angry. He would always have loved to beat Sebastian at driving but beating him because he fell, wanting him to have problems? That is sad. He drowns his anger at the world with the content of Sebastian's minibar while he waits for him. They discovered a way of leaving spare key cards in the car and had exchanged spare car keys in France. They will have one night only and the thought that it will be month before they meet again afterwards is devastating. It will be a challenge to enjoy this night, pushing away today's race and the prospect of their long separation.

Mark has almost fallen asleep when the door opens and Sebastian is finally with him. He just wants to cry at the sight of the devastated, disillusioned man in front of him. They do not say a word, Mark just pulls him inside, locks the world away and holds him, breathing in the familiar smell and feeling Sebastian's breath on his skin. And he realizes right there that he would give everything to make it better. Not only do they not talk all evening, it ends up their first encounter without sex, Mark just takes Sebastian to bed and holds him until he falls asleep. Mark watches him sleep in the dim light of the table lamp for a long time, studying his face that always looks a bit younger when he is asleep. It is definitely too late to run, he has fallen too deep by now. He has dreamt of a future together, a future with a shared home. He thought it would have to wait until they are retired, but maybe Sebastian is right and they could make it work? Then he thinks of the press reactions after the race, the obvious joy of seeing Sebastian fall and involuntarily shakes his head. They would be all over them and they would break Sebastian and then Mark would have destroyed everything, their jobs, their lives and their future together. He wraps himself closely around Sebastian with a desperate sigh and for the first time in his life he asks himself if he is old enough to retire.

_I know I left you speechless,_  
 _But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,_  
 _And I see my future in you,_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll Be Waiting: Written & performed by Adele, (c) Melted Stone Publishing Ltd.


	16. I'm Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is hoping that I did not mess up on time zone conversion. *crosses thumbs*

"Good morning!" Sebastian opens his eyes to the familiar voice, looking at Mark who is staring back with eyes full of affection. A broad smile comes to the German's mouth, all of yesterday's frustration vanished.

"Good morning to you, too!" He leans forward to kiss the Australian. When he breaks their kiss for air, he adds, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Everything is fine." Mark gives him a quizzical look. "What are you sorry about?"

"I was so tired, so exhausted. We just-" Sebastian feels his face blush, the heat rising to his cheeks. "We didn't even-"

He can see the confusion on Mark's face, followed by realization and then the older man is frowning. "Wait, you think you have to be sorry for that? Do you still think this is all about fucking for me?" Sebastian can hear the suppressed anger in Mark's voice and his own heart is suddenly pounding heavily, his cheeks heating up further. That is not what he wanted to say, it is not what he thinks - is it? _It is taking me too long to answer, I have to answer..._ His mind refuses to function and Mark still looks at him with what seems to be a mix of rage and disbelief and just says, "Oh."

"Listen, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." Sebastian is rummaging for words. "I just... I thought we don't see often and I wasn't really good company last night."

"Hm, in a _relationship_ I would have thought that you can be yourself, not just be there for entertainment. And I thought caring about each other when the one of us is down is a part of it, too." Mark's voice is dripping with sarcasm and that sends a sting through Sebastian's guts.

"I am sorry, okay. I didn't mean it." Sebastian pulls Mark into a hug and kisses him. Mark's hesitancy only lasts for an instance, then he is returning the kiss passionately. Sebastian wants to sigh with relief and pleasure but Mark does not even let him breathe. With a single strong move of the Australian, he finds himself on his back, his wrists pinned to the mattress above his head and it makes him rock hard instantly. Mark is not careful with him this morning, taking just what he wants but his strength and power make Sebastian wild with desire. Following a messy and somewhat brutal encounter, they are left drained and exhausted. When Sebastian's mind has returned to full functionality, he turns to look at Mark and there is concern in the black eyes and a bit of anger, both Sebastian really does not like. Now, he knows Mark is still brooding over what he slipped earlier. His implied accusation has not been fair of towards the Australian, he knows, Mark has done more than enough to show him he cares. Maybe going from enemies to lovers does take a little longer though, Sebastian wonders. They shower together and Mark treats him with the same loving gentleness as usual and they fall into a long, desperate kiss before they exchange their goodbyes. Almost a month without seeing him, Sebastian finds the thought alone unbearable. And on the surface, nothing has changed when they part. They call, they text, they talk about how much they miss each other, but at times, there is a new tension lingering between them that makes Sebastian uncomfortable. Christian worries about him, his parents voice their concern, even Hanna asks if he is okay. Honestly, he is not. This long-distance-thing is painful enough, hearing Mark's unvoiced disappointment at his stupid lack of trust in Mark's feeling is upsetting him and the combination of both is breaking his heart.

_In an instance_  
 _You were gone_  
 _And now I'm scared..._

Then, he is in Singapore and it is only two weeks until they will meet again, in Japan, after the race in Suzuka. Mark's voice is sounding happier nowadays again and the German feels better, more relaxed about their relationship. It is in the middle of the night, the day of the race, when Sebastian is wide awake in his hotel room watching the internet live stream from Austin. His inner clock is messed up anyway, he figured, so it would not make a difference. So he is sitting there, legs crossed, tablet in his lab and he stares at the little screen, jaw dropped and eyes full of horror, watching countless repeats of a Porsche spinning, flying through the air and crashing into a wall.

_“Oh, love isn't there to make us happy. I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure.”_

_~Hermann Hesse, Wer lieben kann, ist glücklich. Über die Liebe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Scared: Written & performed by Duffy, (c) Emi Music Publishing Ltd.


	17. My Kind Of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I keep pushing them over the edge. They need it though, they won't move on with their relationship otherwise ;-)

_When you've fallen and can't pick your happy off the ground_  
 _When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around._  
 _That's when you feel my kind of love._

Mark is sitting up in his hospital bed and for a moment, he wonders if his mind is tricking him or if he is dreaming, because that blond German guy obviously cannot be here. "What are you doing here? You should be in Suzuka already."

"Apologizing. I trust you, I really do, and I shouldn't have doubted you." He is really here, Sebastian is here, coming to sit next to him and taking his hand. There are shivers running through his body and he feels like crying.

"It's okay, really, I should allow you some time, too." His voice is trembling and he feels very weak when he continues, "But seriously, how can you be here? This is the wrong continent!" 

"I'm having a family emergency." Mark gives him a terrified look, _he cannot have done that!_ but Sebastian chuckles. "No, I didn't tell Christian about us." With a smirk, he continues, "Not yet, anyway. No, seriously, I talked to Hanna and we are faking that there is something with Emilie and they need me around. Pretty shameless, but enough to get Christian to give me an extra day."

"You talked to Hanna about us?" Mark feels his face blush. He is not sure what to think about that.

"Yes, she deserves to know. But this is not about me, how are you doing?" Sebastian is looking at him with so much concern and only now Mark realizes how scary it must have been for him, he had probably seen the footage. His own mind thankfully has no memory of the accident whatsoever and Sebastian does not have that luck.

"It's okay, the head is better already, really just a concussion. They will let me out tomorrow and I won't even miss a race." He came all the way, literally crossing an ocean for him. Mark's heart is so full of joy that he is afraid it will just burst. They are staring at each other and Mark sees his own disbelief at their situation reflected in Sebastian's eyes, he sees the tears on the German's cheeks and feels the same traces on his own face. Shakily, he pulls his hand from Sebastian and slides the sheet back a little. "Would you mind holding me?"

"Not at all." Sebastian shakes his head and slips out of his sneakers before he joins him in the bed and having him there, his warm body against Mark's sides, their fingers laced, Sebastian's breath in the crook of his neck, Mark knows that he is healing. His cure has just entered. "You know," Sebastian is whispering into his ear now, "that gown is quite revealing." Mark feels his fingers brush against his stomach and moans quietly. 

"Cheeky," he says after a while. "Do you have any kinks I should know of?" Sebastian blushes and it makes Mark smile. He is just about to add something when the door swings open and a nurse enters the room swiftly.

"Mr. Webber, we-" They watch her turn pink and pinker. "Oh, I- I will- come back in - eh. Just let me know when your visitor leaves." She releases a deep breath and storms out.

They both laugh but after a moment Sebastian looks at him with a serious face. "What if she tells everyone?"

"Could be worse." Mark pulls Sebastian closer, holding him tightly. It really does not matter anymore, as long as Sebastian is there he will face it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Kind Of Love: Written by Tannenbaum/ Haynie/ Sandé, performed by Emeli Sandé, (c) Songs Of Universal Inc., Stellar Songs Ltd.


	18. Dear Lover

_This matter_  
 _It's something bigger_  
 _Anything ever graced my heart_

Sebastian is exhausted when he boards his flight to Japan some days later and he refuses to feel bad about it. With the car they have this season it will not matter if he is in best form or not and even if it did, Mark mattered more now and they had to talk face to face. The feelings he had when he saw that crash were too strong; in fact, he threw up all day before the Singapore race from the fear of losing Mark. The thought that they had not parted on best terms only added to the despair and he is incredibly happy that he got to apologize and that Mark knows he trusts him now. It was nice being there with him, behaving like teenagers, cuddling on a hospital bed. He giggles at the thought of the poor nurse. Actually, with Hanna and the nurse and Ann, the number of people who knows about them more than doubled over the past two days. It was funny, too, when Ann stumbled in on them. She blinked, looked confused for a second and then beamed with joy when she saw them. _"Finally! I thought you'd never get there,"_ she had exclaimed. Women really seem to have an intuition for that kind of stuff, Hanna and Ann certainly do, both knowing of their feelings before Mark and Sebastian did. This time, when he left the hospital, they knew it was not for long. Mark would come to Suzuka for the race weekend so that it will only be a week of separation. That had made saying goodbye so much easier. That, and the absolutely unbelievable dialogue they had the day before Sebastian left. He is replaying it in his head, nervously and giddy, all the time because... apparently, it means... well...

_"Mark, I want to visit you in Australia during winter, see your place, meet your dogs, meet your parents if you'd let me."_  
 _"Sure. But only if you let me meet yours."_  
 _"Seriously?"_  
 _"Yeah, mate, I will have to ask your father for your hand."_  
 _"You what?"_  
 _"Ask for your hand. Don't they do that in Germany?"_  
 _"Are you serious?"_  
 _"I would not dare to joke about that, it is serious matters."_  
 _"What if I expect a decent proposal?"_  
 _"If your dad is okay with it? You'll get one. Does that mean you'd say yes?"_  
 _"I don't want to spoil the excitement for you."_  
 _"Cheeky."_  
 _"Yeah, but you love that about me."_  
 _"Yes, I do."_  
 _"You should be careful what you wish for, you know?_  
 _"Why's that?"_  
 _"My parents are coming to Suzuka. I could arrange a dinner on Saturday."_  
 _"Go with it."_  
 _"Stop teasing."_  
 _"I'm not teasing. Just do it."_  
 _"I will."_  
 _"Great. What size do you have in rings?"_

...it means Mark will propose to him, his lover is ready to take the next step. And this is happening really fast, too fast, and it should feel really scary. Instead, it feels wonderful and he cannot stop wearing a stupid grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Lover: Written by Ruthenberg/ Grohl, performed by Foo Fighters, (c) Ruthensmear Music


	19. I Get Weak

Mark is full of panic with his pulse racing, his breath hitching and his hands shaking - and that is hours before the actual dinner. In fact, he is still at the airport. All of this had sounded much, much easier ten days ago. Maybe his concussion had been worse than doctor's thought and that is why he came up with it? Not only will he meet Seb's parents, he is going to ask - no, he cannot even think it. It is like skipping all the steps on the stairs, it's too fast, too soon, too rushed. Thinking about it, he had started it more as a joke but the moment he said it, said he would ask for Sebastian's hand, he knew he meant it. And he had known that he would marry Sebastian even earlier, it happened the second he entered that hospital room, because in that very moment, everything had been clear and his world had been complete. It really does not matter if they do it now or later, he thinks, because as long as it is just the engagement, they do not have to do anything else. It does not mean they have to tell anyone besides their families and the rest is still open for discussion. He draws in a deep breath, tells himself to relax and parks his rental car in the hotel's garage. He has to get the spare key card, which should be stuck under Sebastian's rental car, and he has to search a little before he finds both, the car and the card, the drawback of their original "let's hide it in our cars"-plan being that neither of them considered that most of the time, they did not have their private cars with them. Mark takes his suitcase and stops for a moment, remembering that there is a tiny box in there and whenever he opens that box, everything feels just right.

He sneaks into the room, successfully avoiding to be seen and drops his stuff to check his watch once again. Sebastian should be there within an hour and he uses the time to take a shower. He has just stepped under the water when the bathroom door opens and he almost slips on the tiles from shock. "Now that is a nice sight to get home to!" A familiar blond head looks into the shower and blue eyes check him, from head to toe, inch by inch. He sees Sebastian lick his upper lip absentmindedly and smirks at the young man.

"Staring is rude," he says playfully, splashing water in the German's direction.

"So, what would you suggest?" Sebastian's voice drops an octave and Mark shivers despite the hot water running over him.

"Come in," he presses out with a husky voice and he watches with awe and growing desire when Sebastian sheds his clothes, teasingly slow. They are both hard already before Sebastian even enters the shower and then they are both under the stream, bodies pressed against each other and lips glued together, panting and moaning into their kiss.

"Nervous?" Sebastian asks, voice hoarse now. Mark nods, _terrified actually, but I won't quite tell you that_. "Let me distract you," Sebastian whispers and Mark's cock twitches responsively. Sebastian pushes Mark's shoulders against the tiles and kisses him again. Then, his blue eyes are locking gaze with Mark, looking serious. "You don't have to do it, you know that?"

"I want to." Mark is proud that he managed to say that with a firm voice. Sebastian nods approvingly and then he pins Mark's hands against the wall next to his waist and kisses his throat, letting his tongue wander further and further down on Mark's upper body. Mark feels him everywhere; he is nibbling his throat, sucking his collarbones, biting his nipples. It is an overkill of sensuality that makes him whimper and squirm. Still holding Mark's wrists tightly, Sebastian slides on his knees and the anticipation makes Mark's cock twitch and his hips jerk.

"Greedy." Sebastian looks up to him with a playful smile around his lips and the sight of his lover on his knees in front of him, drops of water on his smooth skin, dropping from his chin and wet streaks on his forehead is so beautiful that it makes Mark weak and trembling.

"You look gorgeous," he says softly and realizes he has never told him before.

"You do, too." Sebastian looks at him, eyes clouded with desire. Then his lips close around Mark's cock and from then on, Mark is on complete overload, barely remembering his name and in the end it is only stars and colors.

_Like a wave you keep pulling me under_  
 _How I'll ever get out of this I don't know_  
 _I just know there's just no way to fight it_

"I can't believe you can do that to me," Mark says when they are finally clean and dry and lying on the bed together, Sebastian's head resting on Mark's chest and Mark's fingers fidgeting with the younger man's hair.

"Do what?" Sebastian's voice still sounds far away.

"Make me wince, beg, whine and possibly forgetting my name."

"Mission accomplished then," Sebastian says.

Mark is irritated. "Huh?"

"You were distracted." And the young man lifts his head, giving Mark his most self-assured smile and presses a kiss on his lips. "Don't fret about tonight, it will be wonderful."

"Have you talked to them about me, about us?" The nervousness is creeping back into his head.

"I said there is someone, but I did not mention your name. They do know it is a he, though. In case that helps." Sebastian drops his head back on Mark's chest.

Mark is not sure whether it helps or not, it does not matter much anyway, as there is no way he is going to back down now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Get Weak: Written by Ware/Warren, performed by Belinda Carlisle, (c) Realsongs, Leon Ware Music Co


	20. Family

"So, how do you feel about it?" Sebastian thinks about Mark's question. How does he feel? He is nervous, very nervous and that is only normal, he supposes. It is not that he is afraid his parents disapprove of him dating another man, neither is he afraid that they do not like Mark. When they were still teammates, they have always sided with the Australian a little, reminding Sebastian that Mark has been loyal and kind and that he should treat him fair. No, what makes him nervous is more the rapid development between them. Three months ago, they hardly spoke and know they are thinking about a marriage. His parents have done incredibly much for him and supported his career so intensely, it would be a shame to disappoint them. In the end though, he has the faith that as long as he loves Mark and Mark loves him they will understand. They raised him to pursue his dreams - and he is doing no more and no less than that. Now, he takes Mark's hand and draws in a deep breath. "I feel good about it. I am proud to have you here," he says and then he opens the door to the quiet side room that the hotel staff prepared for them for the occasion. It is nicely decorated, stylish, with dark furniture and white walls, and a bit cool because of the very straight shapes and the lack of color, but with some flowers and candles that give it just the right touch of warmth. Sebastian sighs and pulls Mark closer, pressing a kiss on the taller man's hand. "Are you okay?"

Mark nods and whispers, "Thank you." Sebastian would like to ask for what, but there is no time left as the door opens behind them and his parents enter, both smiling broadly. He hugs and greets them both first, not having seen each other for a while and then he is standing in front of them, Mark still slightly behind him and Sebastian's heart is beating at full force when he speaks with as much confidence as he can manage, "Mom, Dad, that is Mark, my boyfriend."

_And when it's family you trust them and your heart's an open door_

He has barely finished speaking when his mother pulls Mark into a hug and Sebastian can only imagine how horrifying this feels for the reserved Mark. When she releases the Australian, who has blushed notably, making Sebastian chuckle, she says the most unexpected words, "Oh Mark, I was hoping it would be you. This has taken you guys so long." Sebastian stares at her, his eyes widened in shock, and he assumes Mark is doing the same. What is it about women always knowing their feelings better than they know themselves? And from the side he hears the low, growling laughter of his father. Definitely, dinner will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family: Written & performed by Dolly Parton, (c) Dreamgirls Music, Our Songs Inc. (Yeah, musically, the song is... well... up for discussion, but that line is *perfect*)


	21. Prove My Love

_I'd climb a mountain, I'd cross the ocean, I'd do it it all_   
_Tell me now, what do I have to do to prove my love to you?_   


Mark likes Sebastian's parents. They are genuinely welcoming and open and after talking to them for a night, he understands where Sebastian's enthusiasm is coming from. With these parents, he must have been raised with the notion that he can have anything if he just tries. He is grateful that they never allowed him to feel awkward, always making jokes or changing topics when there was a tension at the table. He loved how they managed to let everything appear as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Even when towards the end of dessert, when Mark felt like dying with nervousness and knew he had to bring it up, Mark very bluntly asked, or rather muttered, that he would like to marry their son. Sebastian's mother had just raised her glass and said congratulation and his father had looked at both of them and asked whether they were sure and after he saw them nod, he had shrugged and simply stated that it would okay if they really meant it. Sebastian had looked at him very expectantly afterwards and Mark was aware what he was waiting for but he wanted it to be a private moment, something only between the two of them. As a price he has to pay for his decision, he is walking next to a disappointed Sebastian with a hanging head and tired eyes now. They have said their goodbyes, Sebastian's parents squeezing both of them and wishing them good luck. They really made an impression with Mark. His pulse is still racing and he chuckles at the thought of Sebastian's face later, when he would find out about Mark's little plan. For now, he is patting the young man on the shoulder. "I really like your parents, they are wonderful."

"Hm, that is good." Mark has to suppress a giggle at Sebastian's pouting.

"I hope you will like my parents as well," he says and then they have reached their door and he slides his keycard to open it.

Mark smiles at the expressions on the young German's face when he enters the room and finds it candle-lit and with a bottle of champagne on the bed. With lots of fondness, he watches Sebastian slowly walk over to the bed and then turn around to face him with an equally beaming and surprised face. "It is a lot of cliché, I know, but-" Mark coughs before he continues. "you said you wanted a decent proposal and I suppose," Mark sinks to his knees and reaches for _the box_. "I suppose this is what you expected." Mark takes the ring and holds it out, locking gaze with Sebastian, who is still looking at him with shock and happiness written all over his face. "Sebastian, will you do me the honor to be my husband?"

There is only a hurried "Yes" blurting out of Sebastian's mouth and he hardly manages to get the ring - which Sebastian does not even look at - on his _fiancé's - he will have to get used to that first -_ finger, before Sebastian practically devours him. There is a new degree of possessiveness and passion in Sebastian during this night and Mark finds a lot of pleasure in it, shocked at himself and at the ease with which he surrenders to the other and lets go of control completely. _Three months, it has been only a little more than three months, and he has already changed me_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prove My Love: Written by Gano, performed by Violent Femmes, (c) Gorno Music


	22. Stars Fall Down

During the night, fear has crept into Sebastian's system and he wakes up with an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Having everything he wants handed over on a silver plate seems too easy, too perfect and simply too much. He is painfully aware that Mark's proposal is a result of the accident in Austin and that right now Mark is serious about it, but he wonders how long the aftermath of the accident will hold and whether Mark's words will stand beyond that. It is driving Sebastian insane, because now that he knows what it feels like to have Mark, completely, from head to toe, he is scared of the emptiness that will be left when it is taken from him. Enjoying things as long as they last is a challenge if in the back of his head the demons will not stop reminding him of this. His eyes are resting on Mark's perfect body that is draped over the bed next to him, sheets shoved down to his ankles. Sebastian can see the broad chest lifting regularly with each breath and notices that Mark's face looks peaceful this morning, relaxed, something that rarely happens, not even in the Australian's sleep. He must have moved too much, as Mark is stirring next to him now. Brown eyes fly open and instantly, there is a broad grin on his faces that makes Sebastian's heart jump. "Good morning!" Mark pulls him into a kiss. "Weren't you the one who said that watching other people sleep is creepy?" Instead of a reply, Sebastian pinches one of Mark's nipples."Ow, seriously, sometimes I think you have some kink you have not told me about yet." Sebastian can feel his cheeks heat up and when Mark laughs at him now, they probably turn even a shade darker. "You're cute when you are embarrassed. What do you say we have a bit of fun before race prep?" Sebastian has no idea what Mark is up to now but fun and distraction seem to be a good idea, considering the still somewhat twisted feeling in his guts and he gives Mark a cheeky smile and a nod.

_Don't stop, don't stop_   
_Nothing lasts forever soon we will be sober_   
_So let's laugh, talk, tickle and taste till the stars fall down_

Getting dressed, hiding behind sunglasses and sneaking around the hotel was not exactly the kind of fun he had imagined from Mark's suggestion, but curiosity has won the better of him and he is carefully following the older man until they are standing in front of another hotel room on a different floor. Mark presses one finger against his mouth and knocks. "Who is it?" Sebastian's mind is rotating and searching for the person that goes with this tired, hoarse voice which he is sure he has heard countless times before.

"Room Service, breakfast." Mark is quite good at changing his voice and pretending an Asian accent, Sebastian notices. From behind the door, he hears the shuffling of feet and then the door swings open and they are standing in front of a shell shocked Fernando Alonso in only boxers and a T-Shirt and Sebastian can catch a glimpse of a naked chest on the bed behind Fernando whose skin tone would match David very well. While the Spaniard is still gaping at them, Mark is bursting into laughter next to him and so is the person on the bed, who is - his low chuckles confirming Sebastian's suspicion - definitely David Coulthard. Sebastian watches with fascination how Fernando's face turns a deep shade of pink. The Spaniard pulls both of them inside with a gruff sound and quickly shoves the door closed behind them.

"You know, I prefer you to call before you visit," Fernando is giving Mark a frown that only makes the Australian laugh harder. "And you," The Spaniard turns to face DC with a glaring look, "tell me what you think is so funny about that."

"Sorry, amor," Sebastian suppresses his own giggles and watches David biting his lips while DC miserably fails at putting on a serious face. "Your face is priceless Fer, sorry." And with that, David bursts into another fit of laughter.

"So, congratulations, I suppose?" Fernando turns again, speaking with a calmer voice, curiosity now replacing the anger in his eyes. Apparently, Mark told him about his plans and Sebastian feels a sting of jealousy at the close bond between the two men.

"Congratulations?" David finally manages to stop laughing and looks at them with a confused look. "For what?"

Mark tells him while Sebastian smiles shyly. And Sebastian is still quiet, when Mark tells them about pretty much everything that happened the night before. The German's stomach is in a knot now and he cannot even say why. Obviously, David and Fernando make a cute couple and by no way they act like a threat and still, in combination with the doubts that the night brought over him already, he suddenly feels green with envy when he watches Mark interact with them. Mark is more open, even childish, around them, laughing a lot and while they are talking, there are all these little insider remarks that make them chuckle and leave Sebastian feeling left out. And all over sudden, he realizes that he does not know half as much about Mark as they do and then everything feels so wrong, leaving him out of breath, nauseous and with the feeling that he cannot take it, cannot do it. Of course, the instant he turns around he knows that he is making a mistake, that he is being unfair, that Mark will be hurt because he doubts him once again. He is also aware of how childish and cowardly he is behaving. Still, when his emotions become overwhelming and tears dwell in his eyes, Sebastian simply turns on his heels and flees, hurrying back to their own room and not reacting at all when Mark and Fernando call his name.

He is almost running and he does not stop until he is in their room, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily. He messed it up. Mark has done everything to show him he loves him and he just ran out on him. Tears of anger are streaming down Sebastian's cheek and he clenches his fists and grits his teeth. He has been standing like that for a felt eternity, when the door opens softly and Mark enters, eyes concerned. Sebastian expected disappointment or anger, being yelled at or ignored completely, but nothing like that happens. Mark just stands in front of him, holding his chin up with a finger so he cannot easily evade the Australian's gaze. "Talk to me."

"I am sorry, I just-", Sebastian squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to see Mark's reaction to what he is about to say. "I am afraid that someday you will wake up and the effect of your accident has worn off and you change your mind." Mark does not say anything and Sebastian knows he should stop speaking as well but he blurts out, "And when I saw you with David and Fernando I felt like I didn't belong there, like I don't belong into your life and don't even know you."

Mark is holding his wrists now with a firm grip. "Open your eyes." His voice sounds dangerously calm and it sends little shocks through Sebastian's nerves. His eyes fly open, unable to resist the threatening tone. He blinks, surprised to find Mark's face very serious but not angry. "You know more of me and more about me than anyone else because you have seen me in positions that I would not allow _anyone_ else to see me in, you understand?" Sebastian nods. "Is this too soon? Are we moving too fast?" He shakes his head and sees a flicker of relief run over the Australian's face. "Good," Mark growls and presses himself flush against Sebastian's body, pinning his wrists to the wall above him. "Because I like where this is going. I am not going to lie, it is terrifying, but in a good way." Mark pauses briefly before he continues, "And believe me, I am old enough to know what I want." His face is so close to Sebastian's that their foreheads are touching.

"And what do you want?" Sebastian whispers, his hips jerking forward involuntarily. It is arousing to no end, Mark so close, so determined, with this low, threatening voice and the piercing dark eyes that have sent countless shivers down Sebastian's spine for the past years.

He feels Mark lean against his groin. "You. I want you and I want you to be mine." A moan escapes Sebastian's mouth and his cock twitches, Mark's possessiveness and domination making him tremble with lust. He assumes that Christian would not approve of this kind of race preparation but Sebastian is too far out of his mind already to care about it. Mark is kissing him with force again, taste of blood and sound of teeth hitting other teeth included. His fingers are unbuckling the German's belt, shoving down his pants relentlessly. Sebastian pants heavily when Mark breaks the kiss and when the Australian drops to his knees in front of him, the anticipation of what is going to happen almost pushes him over the edge. He is still leaning against the wall, legs slightly parted, his black shirt only halfway unbuttoned, his jeans around his knees, his fists clenched in Mark's hair violently, and then Mark's mouth closes around the tip of his cock. Sebastian wants to push, wants to bring his hips forward, but Mark's fingers are pressing them back against the wall, his nails digging deeply into Sebastian's flesh. It seems that Mark has every intention to make him suffer, dragging it out endlessly, moving his tongue slowly and gently. Litanies of bilingual swears and pleas come from Sebastian's mouth between deep groans and unmanly squeaks and sometimes he has the feeling that Mark is grinning while he sucks him. When the Australian finally changes his pace, he rips an orgasm from Sebastian that makes him scream loud enough to wake the rest of the hotel. "You are mine, you understand that?" Sebastian looks down, desperately gasping for air, his eyes resting on Mark, who is looking up to him eyes sparkling with lust, cheeks flushed, hair disheveled and licking a drop of Sebastian's come from his lips. The German cannot speak yet but he nods and in this moment, he has no doubt that he is Mark's. Completely.

_For if I am to love I must try love myself_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stars Fall Down: Written by Morbee/ Pauw/ Hodgson,G. /Hodgson, P., performed by The Parlotones, (c) Parlotones/ Sovereign Entertainment


	23. No Harm Tonight (1/2 - Mark)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May be bordering on PWP?! Sorry, but plot went AWOL, is due to return in a couple of days or so. I am having fun with this though.

"Do you remember Geneva?" They are standing in front of the large window, Mark's arm casually around Sebastian's waist, Sebastian's head resting on Mark's shoulder, one of his hands in the back pocket of the Australian's jeans. A huge thunderstorm is raging outside, rain splashing against the windows loudly, storm hauling, thunder growling. Mark feels Sebastian nod against his shoulder. "I never thought we would get here," he adds absentmindedly, pulling the German even closer.

"Are we going too fast?"

Mark thinks about it for a moment. "Probably. Do you mind?"

"Nah, not really. It's just scary, you know." There is a brief pause before Sebastian continues. "Being too fast usually ends in a crash."

"Maybe we should slow down?" Mark's voice is trembling against his best intentions when he says it. He is relieved to feel Sebastian shake his head against his shoulder.

"Too late for that. I don't want to go back." With a sudden movement, Sebastian disentangles from his arms, puts his hands around Mark's neck and is now looking right at him, a cheeky grin on his face. "And I won't return the ring, it suits me."

Mark loves it when Sebastian stands in front of him like this, the self-assured smile that he used to hate so much has become one of his most favorite expressions on the young man and now he cannot help smiling back. "I'd never take it back anyway." He presses a soft kiss on Sebastian's lips and melts into the German's body when the younger man returns it gently. Mark traces Sebastian's face with his fingertips, mapping it carefully. Sebastian's hands are still around his neck and their chests are so close together that he can feel the young man's heart beat. They undress slowly, standing across each other and watching, mirroring every move the other makes. He could not say who of them is leading, as they both step out of their jeans and boxer in step and then shed their shirts. Mark's eyes rest on Sebastian's body, noticing that it is not as tan as in France anymore, reminding him how much has happened since that vacation. He walks over to Sebastian, cupping his face and pressing their hips against each other. "I don't want you to leave." The sadness in the German's voice makes Mark's heart shatter. They stand in silence for a long time, their faces against each other, Mark's hands on Sebastian's shoulders and Sebastian's arms loosely around his waist. They hear the rain and the still roaring thunder and both can feel the other breathe, hot air on their cheeks. Tears are streaming down on their cheeks, neither attempting to hide it, neither attempting to fight it. "Mark, this is so difficult." The fear in Sebastian's voice, a voice that suddenly sounds very young, is crushing him and Mark slides his arms around the small body, holding him close, squeezing him as if he wanted to break his ribs. 

_I'm here to catch you and hold you a while_  
 _I'll just hold you a while_

Sebastian buries his head in between Mark's shoulder and neck and the Australian feels his skin burn under the hot breath. "I promise that it will get better." Mark knows his voice his shaking when he says it, he knows he is lying and he knows that Sebastian knows, too. But what else is there to say? His fingers trail down Sebastian's sides, making the younger shiver.

"Show me." Sebastian's voice is muffled because his mouth is still pressed against Mark's skin.

"Show you what?"

"That you are mine." Sebastian raises his head, fixing Mark with piercing blue eyes and then he frees himself from Mark's arms and carefully shoves Mark against the bed. Mark understands, understands that Sebastian needs to feel in control over this for the night, needs to feel power in order to conquer his fears. With a slow nod and holding Sebastian's gaze, he sits down on the bed, moving backwards until his back is leaning against the headboard, holding a hand out to Sebastian who takes it willingly, climbing over him and kneeling over his legs. He rarely lets Sebastian top, still not overly comfortable with it and, to his gratefulness, the young German never asked for it until tonight. Now, Mark is looking up to his lovers face, reaching upwards to kiss his full lips, and the way he then lets himself slide further down under the German, splaying himself on his back, is a complete surrender to whatever Sebastian may need. 

"Take what is yours then," Mark whispers, fondly watching the spark of excitement in Sebastian's eyes.

_Turn off your senses_  
 _And let go of all those defenses you built up so strong_

Sebastian takes his time, exploring Mark's body thoroughly with fingers, lips and tongue. It is every bit teasing and all the trailing, kissing, biting and tickling is making Mark hard in an instant. He smiles when Sebastian's finger traces his erection and he hears his husky voice full of awe. "It's incredible that I am doing this to you." His lips close around Mark's tip, making the Australian groan. Mark feels Sebastian's finger against his entrance and tenses instinctively, eyes squeezed shut, fingers clenched in the sheets, trying desperately to breathe through it. "Look at me," the German says with a soft voice. It takes some effort for Mark to comply but Sebastian's idea is working, as soon as the Australian is looking into the deep blue eyes and finds them full of affection and love, something not one of his previous partners has ever shown him, he manages to relax his muscles enough for Sebastian to breach him. They make it an excruciatingly slow procedure and that has both of them gasping for air and covered in sweat by the time he is opened enough. "More?" Sebastian moans, propped up over him on trembling arms and looking down at Mark's face with questioning eyes.

"Please." Mark feels that he has lost the ability to respond coherently and jerks his hips upwards to show that he is more than ready. He sees Sebastian reach for a condom, pressing it into his hand and he rolls it over Sebastian's cock, playfully teasing him with his fingers and making him whimper. They both smile affectionately when their gazes are locked again and Sebastian pours lube on his and one of Mark's hands, wrapping both of their hands around his shaft to massage it. The intimacy of the situation along with the pleading noises Sebastian makes under their touch let Mark's cock twitch. "Ready?" When the Australian nods, the young man puts his ankles on his shoulders and grips around Marks wrists, pressing onto the mattress and then he buries himself deeply with a single thrust. It is painful and blissful at the same time with stars dancing in front of his eyes and Mark is whimpering now, desperate for air and trying hard to stay relaxed. "Look at me," Sebastian reminds him and it works again. Losing himself in the other's eyes, Mark's breathing steadies a bit and he calms down enough to let the German move. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Harm Tonight: Written & performed by Lenka, (c) Sony/ATV Tunes LLC, Skipalong Music


	24. No Harm Tonight (2/2 - Sebastian)

_Lucky is the one who breaks free_  
 _Free from himself and his hopes and his fears_

Sebastian is breathing with difficulty, his arms are trembling and he is watching Mark with fascination, seeing him come undone under him. He has seen him unravel before, but never quite like this, he has not seen him unguarded like this. Mark has been trying so hard, has done so much for him, all to earn his trust and while he is leaning there, propped up on shaky arms, thrusting into him slowly, the pieces seem to fall into place and he understands that Mark loves him. It is not a dream, not some affair, not a battle for control - he is loved. The realization makes him stop cold, freezing in his movements and earning him a very concerned look from Mark. "Are you okay?" Mark's voice is breathless and he is looking very worried now. Sebastian stares into his dark eyes, smiles and nods.

He leans down to kiss Mark passionately. When the German breaks the kiss then and before he starts moving again, he softly whispers, "I love you."

Mark moans under Sebastian's thrusts and only manages a very breathless and pressed, "Love you, too." His fingers are clenched in Sebastian's hips now, the German feels the nails digging into his flesh painfully, urging him to push forward. He does, more vigorously now. He changes the angle, searching for the right spot and a loud growl tells him when he finds it. He knows he will not last much longer, the exhaustion of the race and the emotional rollercoaster of the last day have drained him and he wraps a hand around Mark's cock only to have it shoved away. He gives Mark a puzzled look but the Australian just shakes his head. "Only you." Mark's low and husky voice along with the full meaning of those two words are almost enough to push Sebastian over the edge but he wants to hold back now, wants to fulfill Mark's desire and let him come from his thrusts alone. It takes Sebastian's last reserves of strength and makes him gasp and tremble desperately. His vision blurs and fades; stars are dancing in front of his eyes when Mark finally comes over his chest with a string of swears from his mouth and his fingers tearing in Sebastian's skin. The clenching of Mark's muscles around his cock painfully pushes Sebastian over the edge, his mind blackening out completely and his arms collapsing, letting him fall unceremoniously onto Mark's chest.

Reality is slow to return this time and neither of them seems capable of moving or or speaking. The only sound in the room is their heavy breathing, the thunderstorm long vanished and only leaving light rain drizzling along the windows. Night has fallen over them and the room is almost dark now, the only light coming from the busy city outside. Afraid of crushing Mark, Sebastian moves to pull out and shed the condom, making the Australian wince. "I am sorry," he whispers softly against Mark's ear when he crawls under the sheets, draping them around their bodies, burying his head at Mark's shoulder. "And thank you."

"Why would you thank me?" Mark rolls over on his side now, draping his arm over Sebastian's stomach, but it is too dark to see more of his face than a silhouette.

"You've done a lot for me this weekend."

"For us," Mark corrects. "And it was my pleasure."

In the very back of his head, Sebastian is aware of their impending month-long separation, of all the difficulties ahead of them. But for this night, Mark has banned the demons and made the world right. With everything said that they needed to hear, they both fall into a deep and dreamless sleep quickly, arms and legs tangled tightly.

_Nothing will harm you tonight_  
 _All of your darkness will turn into light_  
 _Your shadows will fly away_  
 _Your ships will sail away_  
 _No, nothing will harm you tonight_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Harm Tonight: Written and performed by Lenka, (c) Sony/ATV Tunes LLC, Skipalong Music  
> (This is one of the songs that match the mood I had in mind for them perfectly. Really. I'm loving this.)


	25. Trail Of Broken Hearts

_Once again we walk this lonely road_  
 _There are times that we are wading through the rain and cold_

Saying goodbye, once again, in the knowledge that they will not meet until Sebastian's race in Sao Paolo has been difficult and in spite of what he told Sebastian, it is not getting easier. It is rather getting harder every time, he realizes, the emptiness more noticeable the closer they grow together. Mark remembers the tears, the dull ache of seeing Sebastian broken and the cold feeling in his guts when he sneaked out of their hotel room, grateful for the sunglasses hiding his red eyes. He is even more grateful for Ann who not only does an excellent job at covering up his whereabouts but who is also trying very hard to cheer him up. He is glad Sebastian has someone to talk to now as well with his parents knowing. Which reminds him that his parents do not know a thing yet but he does not want to announce it on the phone and so it will have to wait a week when is scheduled to go to Australia for the weekend after Fuji. Sebastian will be on a sponsor event in Germany and meet with his family, so at least the kid will not be by himself and that is a comforting thought. Mark worries about him a lot, still not sure if with his young age he can really cope with all the changes in his life. In fact, Mark made Fernando secretly agree to watch out for the Sebastian a bit. He chuckles at the thought of Fernando and DC during their last meeting and from a text he later received by DC he knows the two had a fight after he left. Apparently, Fernando had demanded quite insisting why the Scot never proposed and DC had not been pleased. Sometimes he wishes things could just be a bit easier on all of them but he seriously doubts that the world would be ready for their coming out. It is something Sebastian wants desperately and maybe also needs, because it would allow them to meet more freely and more frequently and because, obviously, it could become quite difficult to hide an actual marriage. It is not that Mark would not enjoy that as well, it is just that for the Australian, worries and fears of the consequences weigh out the possible benefits. He could never cope with the guilt of ruining Sebastian's career as the German is clearly too young to think about retiring. Ultimately, Mark is aware that he might lose Sebastian if they do not find a way. But even if they could keep their seats, would they even be able to go to countries like Bahrain and compete there? Last he knows, what they are doing is prohibited there. Does Elton John perform in states like that? He wonders if there is anyone he could ask about all of these things, someone else but Ann who quite determinedly said she would not comment because it was his decision alone after all. There is one person that comes to mind, though he is not sure if he might be making a huge mistake when he is picking up his phone.

"Hey, this is Mark. I'm coming to the race in Brazil, could we meet?"  
...  
"No, I'm happy with Porsche. That's not what it is about."  
...  
"I don't want to tell on the phone. I just... I have some questions."  
...  
"No, really, not on the phone. So would you meet me there? Only half an hour or so?"  
...  
"Thank you, I appreciate it. So, Friday around six?"  
...  
"Of course I know that. Thank you. And see you!"  
... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trail Of Broken Hearts: Written by De Villiers Theart/ Totman/ Li/ Pruzhanov, performed by Dragonforce, (c) Emi Music Publishing Ltd., Albam Songs Limited


	26. Stay With Me

_The stars they used to shine, but now my tears they blind_  
 _The fun we used to have_  
 _At night I toss and turn, the memories they burn_  
 _I don't know how to laugh_

Sebastian is packing up his stuff after another forgettable race in Austin. Five days, just five more days until he gets to see Mark. He draws in a deep breath, this has been a horrible time with many tears and sleepless nights and finally, hope and excitement are crawling back into his body. A week ago, he "met" Mark's parents over Skype and that had also been helpful, hearing them full of approval and seeing their and Mark's faces. Only that the night afterwards, he cried even harder for missing Mark so badly and all he wanted there and then was to board a plane, be with him and his family and stay with them forever. Sometimes, he wonders if he should not just retire and be done with it. Racing sucked this season anyway so it would not be that bad - would it? Then, he has not forgotten what Michael said about the horrors of missing the adrenaline and sighs. Mark would not allow that to happen anyway and it is not as if he does not understand - he would be terrified if Mark made such a sacrifice for their relationship. 

He has spent many thoughts on the foundations of said relationship and one thing does bother him, although the open-minded part of him is shocked at his concern. Sometimes, no, in fact, often, he feels cast into the "girl-role" of the relationship. Internally, he scolds himself quite a bit for this idea because there should not be a "girl-role". It should be equal roles, but if life taught him one thing on that, then that for most couples, it does not really hold true. There tends to be someone who leads and his relationship with Mark is the first that he has, where that leader is not him. Of course, Mark does not do it on purpose but it seems it just happened and crawled up on them. Sebastian is younger, shorter, lighter on the outside, often less stable on the inside and for the most part, he is leaning on Mark and not the other way around. Not only does his lack of strength bother him, he would also love to be a better support for Mark. He thought about talking to Hanna about it - oh, seeing Emilie was wonderful and at least for one day he had a distraction - but discussing it with Hanna seemed wrong and then he was not sure how to deal with his concerns. Voicing them to Mark is not really an option he considers because he is afraid Mark would understand it as critique or as basically a sexual issue and that is not what Sebastian is worrying about. In the end, he comes up with someone. He is not sure if it is the right person to ask but while dialing he figures that he has found help in unlikely places before and it is worth a shot. 

"Hey, it's Sebastian. How are you?"  
...  
"No, I'm fine, just a bit tired. Stop laughing, not because of that. I was wondering if maybe we could talk next weekend?"  
...  
"Obviously I meant in private, why else would I be calling in advance instead of just walking up to you?"  
...  
"No, Friday evening is okay. Maybe for a quick drink before dinner?"  
...  
"Are you? Well, I would not tell you anyway. But thank you, I really appreciate it!"  
...  
"I know! Tell him I said hi, and see you next week!"  
...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay With Me: Written by Shernoff, performed by The Dictators, (c) Shernoff


	27. Break On Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost dialogue only, it's worth a shot.

A hidden place in a quiet bar in Sao Paolo, the Friday before the race.

"So, can we skip the Smalltalk? Why did you want to see me?"  
"I have a question." Mark hesitates, he has no idea how to phrase his request.  
It earns him a raised eyebrow. "It would help with the answering if you could let me know the question."  
"I have to tell you something first."  
"What would you have to tell me?" The other's voice is getting harsh.  
Mark is mumbling now, "It's about Sebastian."  
"No." The man is shaking his head.  
"I haven't even said anything yet."  
"I can't talk to you about Sebastian behind his back."  
Of course he cannot, Mark sighs. "Then don't talk. Just listen."  
"Well, okay, so what do you want to tell me here?"  
"We're engaged," Mark blurts it out, blushing.  
The other gives him a confused look. "That, erm, is nice news for Ann and Hanna. Why would you tell me though? Is it going to be some double wedding?"  
"To each other."  
"No." Again, he is shaking his head.  
"Yes." It is more a sigh than a word.  
The other takes a sip of wine, plays with the glass, letting Mark wait nervously. "How long has this been going on?"  
"Some months." Mark blushes again, staring at his own, almost untouched glass.  
"Why are you the one telling me- wait, he has no idea we are talking right?"  
And Mark's cheeks heat up even more. "Right."  
"Why?" There is no anger in the question, just curiosity.  
"He wants to come out. And I want to know, if, speaking really, really, really theoretically, there is any chance for that to work."  
There is a moment of hesitation. "Very theoretically and totally unofficially I suppose. I don't know. It should. But really, I don't know."  
Mark frowns. "Would he be kicked out?"  
"No way." That comes without any hesitation. "That would ruin the team, imagine the media uproar. Actually, I think he'd be glued to his seat forever because nobody would dare firing the first out-of-the-closet driver and risk being the _evil homophobic team_, no, I think his job would be safe."  
"But?" Mark insists.  
"Both of your lives would be hell on earth for a while." The man sighs and looks at him with concerned eyes. "Chased by paparazzi, flamed by haters, overly idolized by others. I would imagine it to be difficult for anyone and then you are a very private person and Sebastian - well, he can be fragile in this aspect, he is sensitive what others think of him. So for both of you I'd see it as potentially dangerous from an emotional perspective and then it could destroy him, you and whatever you two have with each other." Hearing it makes Mark shudder, feeling ice-cold inside.  
Mark swallows. "If we were strong enough to face that, do you think he could keep racing?"  
"Yes, as I said, nobody would dare to say a thing. The teams come from countries where tolerance of your sexual orientation is a must."  
"What about a race in a country where it is not like that? Would he be safe?" This is one of Mark's biggest concerns and _he_ would know, wouldn't he?  
"I assume as long as you can restrain yourself from making out on the podium, yes, he would."  
"You sound very sure." Mark cannot quite believe it.  
"Because I am." Okay, so the other really thinks it could work. The man looks at him with a frown now. "What about you?"  
Mark is confused and has to ask back, "What about me?"  
"You said _he_ wanted to come out. What do you want?"  
If he only knew himself, Mark ponders, then they would not even be here now. "I think I want to but I don't think I am ready."  
"Why, are you scared? Because the Mark Webber I know would not be scared of being honest."  
"Maybe." Mark drains his glass in a single gulp. "By the way, you didn't seem as shocked as I expected."  
There is a long silence before the other replies, with a very absentminded voice, "Sebastian has always been open in this aspect and you... well, I suspected something, thought you were after Alonso for a while. So, no, you two being into men is not really a shock. That you're with each other- hm, if you'd asked me before tonight I would have said never, but now that I'm thinking about it, it does make a lot of sense. There's always been a weird tension between you guys."  
Mark sighs. "Oh. I've heard that one before."  
"I bet you did. Listen, it was great talking to you but I have to get going now, I am sorry." With a swift movement, the other man gets up from their table.  
"No problem. Can you promise me absolute secrecy on this?" Mark holds out his hand.  
The man briefly shakes Mark's hand and smiles. "If you had any doubts about that, you wouldn't have come to me in the first place, would you? So, yes, of course I promise. Take care of him! And of yourself, Mark!" 

_The gate is straight_  
 _Deep and wide_  
 _Break on through to the other side_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Break On Through (To The Other Side): Written & performed by The Doors


	28. Sway

_Be whoever you have to be, I won't judge you_

"How do you deal with it?" Sebastian is sitting on Fernando's bed, legs crossed, eyes resting on the Spaniard with curiosity. Fernando is sitting across from him, mirroring his position and thinks about his answer for a moment.  
"I don't think it bothers me. Not anymore. But then, I've known that I prefer men when I was a teenager and I had years to get accustomed to it, to accept that for society it would always mean that I am weak." Fernando shrugs.  
"Don't you want to be the stronger one sometimes?"  
"Sure. And sometimes I have to even if I don't. Isn't that how most relationships work? That even if there are rather fixed roles, the roles can or must switch for special circumstances? What if the stronger partner gets sick? Good relationships can deal with that."  
"And Mark? What if he keeps seeing me as an immature child and never takes anything about me seriously? What if we couldn't deal with it?"  
"Okay," Fernando pauses and takes Sebastian's hands in his. "I don't think I am supposed to tell you but I will. Mark always liked that you were young, he loved your _naive enthusiasm_ as he called it." Sebastian frowns. "It's not a bad thing at all, it compliments Mark's character and it makes the two of you a good couple. Also, you managed to impress him quite profoundly with something you said during your guys' vacation, he told me you had a strength and security about your sexuality that he could only dream of. Believe me, you "switch" already and I doubt Mark would think of you as weak at all." Fernando looks at him with a warmth that Sebastian has not received from him before. His words along with his caring behavior are overwhelming the German, letting all the worries and concerns collapse over him and making tears run down his face. And he is too wound up to be shocked when Fernando embraces and holds him and waits for him to calm down. When Sebastian has regained his composure and they are sitting across each other again, the Spaniard looks at him, head tilted and eyes piercing. "Where did that come from?"  
"I don't know. It's just... our last weekend together he did everything for me, like really, everything. Only to make me feel better and now I feel guilty because I haven't done anything for him."  
"That is nonsense, Sebastian," Fernando says with a stern voice. "Mark hasn't been this happy in years. You are the best thing that has happened to him. That is what he says and it is also what everybody who knows him thinks. Don't belittle yourself, he surely wouldn't like you to do _that_."  
Sebastian pulls Fernando into another hug and thanks him, his voice trembling again. It is a silent agreement, one they can make with eye contact only, that their conversation stays only between the two of them and is not to be mentioned again. And they only exchange some meaningless Smalltalk afterwards before the German returns to his room. After all, Mark is scheduled to arrive in Brazil tonight and Fernando is awaiting David as well.

_And take whatever you have to take, you know I love you_

Sebastian has only been in his room for a couple of minutes when the door opens behind him. They face each other for a second, with the usual disbelief in their eyes, still surprised that their separation has ended. Then, they devour each other desperately, shedding clothes that fly in all directions and exchanging violent kisses. Their nails leave scratches and their teeth leave marks when they discover each other's body, wrestling on the bed. With both of them gasping for air, they rut against each other like a pair of desperate teenagers and Sebastian soon winces and begs under Mark, he just wants more, needs more. Tonight, he does not feel like dragging things, he is not capable of holding back. And he knows that Mark understands without them exchanging a single word when he slicks both of their hands with lube and holds them around their dicks. The obscene noises from their rutting mix with their heavy breathing, the smell of Mark's aftershave tangles with the smell of lube and sweat and Sebastian drowns in his sensations, his mind long gone into oblivion. He does not last long, he never does when they have been apart for so long and he is not ashamed of it. Mark follows him soon after, releasing a familiar string of swears that would make Sebastian chuckle if he was not feeling completely drained.

They are still on their backs, holding hands and panting when Mark rolls to his side and looks at Sebastian with sudden seriousness. "I told Christian about us."

_Say whatever you have to say, I'll stand by you._

Sebastian feels weird about this, confused and irritated. Mark's words make the German's stomach twist and he gets up wordlessly and puts his jeans on. He holds a pack of cigarettes out, briefly wondering if it would bother Mark but the Australian just nods and follows him, putting on his boxers on the way. It is not the first time that they find themselves like this, half-naked, backs against the wall on a balcony, lighting up cigarettes, which neither really likes, but which do a great job at hiding nervousness and insecurity. And, but Sebastian would never openly say this, which look bloody sexy, at least on Mark. He sucks in the image of the beautiful body next to him, the serious face, the little lines of smoke from the cigarette he is holding in front of his knees. The beginning of the evening's twilight makes it even more gorgeous. After a long moment of silence, Sebastian takes his eyes off the Australian and stares blankly into the sunset. He swallows and then manages to start speaking. "Why?"  
"I wanted to know if the team would fire you if it was- if we were official."  
"What did he say?"  
"They wouldn't." Well, Sebastian never really doubted that.  
"I didn't know you two were friends." It comes out harsher than Sebastian meant it.  
"We are not. But I respect him and I trust him."  
"So, do you want to come out?"  
"Not yet. I don't think I can do it." Sebastian nods, he knew that, and he is not disappointed anymore, not after talking to Fernando. Mark raises his voice again, "Is it okay for you if we wait?"  
Instead of an answer, the younger man just dumps his cigarette and moves to straddle Mark's legs, leaning forward to kiss him. They stay like this for a while, night falling down around them and both lost in their own thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sway: Written by Pritchard, performed by The Kooks, (c) BMG FM Music Ltd., Sony/ATV Harmony UK


	29. Caught Somewhere In Time

With the last bit of sun gone, Mark is shivering and he feels that Sebastian's arm, pressed against his shoulder, is getting cooler, too. He kicks away his cigarette _\- it is a really bad habit and he still wonders if it is not Kimi's fault after all -_ and gets them one of the duvets. Sitting on that narrow balcony, wrapped tightly and holding Sebastian in his arm, suddenly everything feels like home. Blond streaks from the head resting on his shoulder are tickling his ear. The light is surreal, a bit colorful, coming from the city and the surrounding buildings. Sebastian's question comes out of the blue, hitting Mark unprepared. "Why did you hate me?"  
"I don't think I did," he replies slowly, picking his words carefully.  
"You were so distant when I came into the team," Sebastian insists now and it dawns upon Mark that he will not be able to evade the topic.  
"I think we had quite some fun in the beginning," he says vaguely. It is true, they had good times. Damned, he danced Gangnam style with that boy.  
"And why did it stop?"  
Mark sighs, Sebastian is not dropping it. "I don't know, honestly. I think I got scared when I started to have phantasies with you and then had to keep away. As far as I knew, you were straight and from your behavior on track I thought you would be too selfish anyway. So I had to get the distance between us as big as possible and then you were so arrogant, I always felt provoked and then I kind of had myself convinced that you were the enemy."  
"Phantasies?" He cannot see it but he is sure Sebastian is smirking cheekily while he says it.  
"What about you?" Mark changes the subject, not willing to go there. "Why did you hate me?"  
"Because when I started racing against you all I ever wanted was your approval and you just would not give it to me, even if I beat you. I was standing there, adoring you like some teenager and you would ignore me. It felt like being slapped in the face. And sometimes I hoped you would just do it, give me some reaction so I tested how far I could push you until you would finally snap." Sebastian's voice is barely audible.  
And Mark does not really know what to say, all that comes out of his mouth is a weak, "Oh."  
"Just oh?" Sebastian sounds surprised about his reaction.  
"I never realized you wanted that then, but now it seems obvious and I feel like a fool." It is quiet between them for a moment and under the duvet, Mark is taking Sebastian's hand and lacing their fingers. The noises coming up from the still busy city seem distant, in fact, Mark can not only feel but even hear Sebastian breathing.  
"So, those phantasies..." Mark pinches Sebastian's thigh under the duvet. "Ow! So bad you cannot tell me? Didn't know you had such dirty thoughts!"  
Mark huffs. "Not at all. But I did consider bending you over some table and take your virginity, make you beg for more. At the time, it felt like I was corrupting you, trying to seduce a kid, breaking Christian's innocent angel. Sometimes it still does."  
"Yeah, but you like it." Sebastian lets out a laugh. "And you didn't quite _bend me over some table_ in the end."  
"No, but it wasn't much better, was it?" Mark's thoughts travel back to that night full of tension, when their relationship was much more about anger and provoking than anything else and he is painfully aware that it had not been a very tender encounter. "Did I hurt you?"  
"I wanted it to hurt." Mark remembers that as well.  
"Why?" He never quite understood what had been going on in Sebastian's mind that night, but then he is not even sure what was going on in his own head.  
"Because I always expected you to hurt me, expected you to snap and just beat me or something and with all the rage and the frustration I wanted to feel it so badly, pain seemed... oh, I don't know, it's difficult," Sebastian says with a sigh. Then, he adds, "It wasn't bad actually, just like a reminder for some days. I came back for more, after all."  
Mark chuckles. "Yeah, you did."  
"Want a drink?" Sebastian is already disentangling from Mark and the blanket.  
"Sure. Would be nice." He stays out alone for a moment, contemplating the strange way things had progressed between them. They have made a long way from hateful fucking to a chivalrous proposal. _The Mark Webber I know has never been scared..._ In fact, he has been horribly scared for a large portion of his life but has mastered to look courageous. Though, the gorgeous man who is just returning to him with two bottles of beer, cuddling up against him under a duvet with his toned arms around Mark's back, that man deserves a truly courageous partner. Someone who is not afraid to jump.  
The silence between them feels relaxed and comfortable but then a question pops up in Mark's head. "Did anyone ask about the ring?"  
"No, actually not." He feels Sebastian shrug against his shoulder. "I think most just figure that it is because of Hanna, we never really publicly split."  
"How is that working with her new partner?" Mark is suddenly quite curious.  
"They lead a rather uneventful life I suppose, so it has not been overly noticed by press yet, no rumors of her cheating on her poor, working husband yet." They both chuckle at the possible headlines.  
Mark squeezes Sebastian's knee. "And they all knew about us before we had a clue."  
"Yeah, I know, isn't that strange? Did Christian know, too?"  
"No, not at all." It still surprises Mark, how calm Christian had been about it. "But he said when he thinks about it now, it makes sense and he mentioned the tension as well, so it must have been somewhat obvious. He did suspect both of us to be into men though."  
"I still can't believe you told him."  
"Sorry. I didn't know who else to ask." Mark really hopes Sebastian will not be angry but he is not so sure.  
"Hm, you could have talked to me. It's okay though, I don't mind him knowing. It just feels a bit strange." Sebastian shrugs again and then he yawns and Mark remembers that he will have to drive tomorrow.  
"We should go to bed, you're tired."  
"Only if you carry me."  
"No problem, mate." And Mark picks him up, making the young man squeak. "You should really stop provoking me." With that, he carries Sebastian inside and drops him onto the mattress unceremoniously.  
This night, Sebastian drifts away next to him almost instantly but the thoughts spiraling in Mark's head will not let him follow. He loves it when they can just talk and even when they sit together in silence, he yearns for the feeling of home and completeness that Sebastian gives him and that night on the balcony could have lasted forever. Sometimes, scenarios play out inside his head where they have a press conference and just announce that they are a couple and then there is a _happily ever after_ \- but these scenes are only wishful thinking and they both know that.

_Can I tempt you come with me_  
 _Be Devil may care fulfill your dream_  
 _If I said I'd take you there_  
 _Would you go would you be scared_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caught Somewhere In Time: Written by Harris, performed by Iron Maidon, (c) Iron Maiden Publishing Overseas Ltd.
> 
> (I did not make up the Gangnam style, there is video proof of that.)
> 
> And yay, a chapter without sex. They can do it. *wonders it the story needs more or less sex anyway*


	30. Yours Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of alternation on POV in this one.

Practice and qualifying pass without Sebastian spending a second thought. P4 is good for this season and winning is only possible when they are lucky and even he has accepted the facts by now. Sometimes he notices a curios stare from Christian and his boss blushes and turns away quickly when that happens, making Sebastian chuckle. Mark had decided to wait in the hotel, planning to use the gym and sleep through the rest of the day until Sebastian would return for dinner. He understands the Australian's decision, knows that it is for the better of both of them and that Mark being around the track would be difficult for them. It is still making him sad. Having a partner should mean that he can have him around, right? Patience has never been one of his strong points and he really hopes Mark will overcome his fears soon. Sebastian is fulfilling his media obligations absentmindedly now, every single thought revolving around Mark. Sometimes, he has to stop himself from licking his lips - or doing worse things - when his mind insists on creating images of the Australian splayed out on the satin sheets _\- so cliché and so sexy at the same time -_ of their hotel room, the tanned skin and dark hair contrasting with the pale fabric, the broad chest with the lines of lean muscles showing - "Sebastian?" He jerks his head towards Christian's voice and feels himself blush. "Sebastian, are you still with us?" At least, Christian looks rather amused.  
"Sorry, could you repeat that for me?" He faces the journalists and is very thankful for the table in front of him that covers his lower body and whatever his daydreaming may or may not have caused there. 

_It’s your voice that’s ringing in my ears_  
 _It’s the way I feel inside_

Mark spends a restless Saturday with his thoughts rotating around his conversation with Christian and they have a quiet evening together, both feeling drained and needy. Sunday morning, Sebastian manages to convince Mark to come to the paddock for the race and spend it with Christian. Mark knows he will probably regret it later but he agrees anyway, hoping that Christian would cover for the reason of his attendance. Which he does, of course, if only to please his driver and Mark does not challenge his motives, he is just glad that he can watch from the pit, more or less undisturbed by journalists. Christian, as the rest of the crew, is caught up with the events of the race and there is not much time to talk but Mark does not miss the quizzical and challenging looks Christian keeps giving him. They are making him nervous because he thinks he knows what the Brit expects from him. The race ends up being Sebastian's best finish of the entire season, finally, a win. When Mark watches Sebastian climb out of the car, take off the helmet and locking gaze with him immediately, there is no sign of the earlier years' arrogance, only fondness in his smile. Something clicks in his head there and then, he is full of pride for the young man _\- his man, actually -_ and suddenly he understands Sebastian's desire to show and share their luck with the entire world. And it would be awesome if he could run up to him now and kiss him, tell him how proud he is _\- something he missed to do for years -_ and squeeze him until he is breathless. With a cheering crowd in front of them, that swallows Sebastian from his view, he feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to find Christian looking at him with a broad smile. "You will be fine," the Brit says with an assuring voice and Mark wonders if he has ever been that supportive during his Red Bull days.  
"Will we?" Instead of an answer, he gets a brief hug and then Christian is pulled away to attend the ceremony. Mark knows what he wants now, he knows how to get it and luckily, he even knows the person who can get it for him.

_It’s the thought that I get_  
 _When you are near_  
 _That I’m alright_

While on the podium, Sebastian feels distracted, not as focused on his emotion as he usual is at this point. His eyes are searching for a tall Australian in the crowd and he cannot find him, worries slightly that his old jealousy returned and he is angry now. To Sebastian, it feels like a sign that the first race Mark really attends with him ends up a win and it would be a shame if it bothered Mark. He is distant, feels a little out of the scene, when they are spraying champagne. They will have to do the interviews next, supposedly with David, and he does not know how he arranged it or when or why, but the man who comes out to interview them is not David Coulthard. A pair of very familiar dark eyes looks at him, winking, and there is a broad grin aimed at him. Next to him, Fernando is drawing in a sharp breath, loud enough for Sebastian to hear, even over the noise of the crowd and the sound of his pounding heart. Mark interviews Lewis and Fernando as if it is the most normal thing in the world and only a good observer would have noticed the slight confusion in the Spaniard. Sebastian waits anxiously, his mind unable to focus on a clear thought and his pulse faster than during the actual race that afternoon. Then it is his turn and Mark smirks at him and asks, "Ready?" His dark eyes are piercing Sebastian and the German hopes it means what he thinks it does. He nods, still in utter disbelief of what is apparently going to happen now. The world moves in slow motion and he does not even understand what Mark is saying, he only sees him put the microphone down and walk up to him and then he kisses him. Right there on the podium. And Sebastian would love to tell his grandkids how everyone reacted, but he never could because all he notices are Mark's lips and all he does is hold the Australian, ever so tightly. The world around them has vanished.

_They can say what they want to_  
 _They can all leave my sight_  
 _Cause after all I will be yours tonight_  


Mark feels tears in his eyes when he is standing there, squeezed by Sebastian, their lips pressed together for far too long already. For a brief moment, he wonders if Bernie will kill him or both of them but then Sebastian is all he thinks about. It feels incredibly good, there is so much adrenaline rushing through his body that it comes close to racing and rocks are falling from his chest. He has to break the kiss for air after a while and finds himself looking into teary blue eyes full of joy. "I love you," Sebastian whispers it straight into his ear and it makes the hair in his neck go up.  
"I love you, too. And congratulations, I'm proud you won," he whispers back and then he realizes that they must have been standing there for a while now and slowly the rest of the world comes back to his senses and there is cheering from the crowd, applause even. He looks over Sebastian's shoulder and sees Fernando and Christian both smiling. Lewis is gaping with comically widened eyes and his expression makes Mark chuckle. He knows that the world expects him to pick up the microphone and say something but for now, he will not do them the favor. The after-race press conference is coming up anyway and until then he prefers to enjoy quietly. For a moment, he loses himself in Sebastian's face, which he has rarely seen this happy and affectionate and that in turn makes Mark's heart jump with joy. Then, he wraps an arm around Sebastian's waist and takes him away from the podium, the younger man dropping his head on Mark's shoulder immediately.  
"What changed your mind this time?" Sebastian's voice is a bit muffled because his head is buried in Mark's shirt.  
"You." It is as simple as that. At least, it is for now. They can face the aftermath later, they can face it together and Mark hopes Christian will be right and they will be fine. 

_Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go._

_~ T. S. Eliot_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yours Tonight: Written by Slettedahl, performed by The 88, (c) KEROC Music, BMI  
> My favorite love song of all times and yeah, the moment I decided to keep writing this, I knew I'd use this.


	31. Nights In White Satin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **I tried my best to verify the legal situation in the countries mentioned and I hope I got it right but I am not an expert and I might have messed up stuff.**  
>  (The part on the German foreign minister/secretary is not made up: Guido Westerwelle during his time of duty was already in a civil partnership with a man and has visited Abu Dhabi, being welcomed very friendly.)

Sebastian walks to the conference in trance, Mark's arm around his shoulder and his arm around Mark's waist. "My parents will kill me and Ann and Porsche will be all over you," he whispers after a while, the thought just occurring to him.  
"Don't worry, I texted everybody. They're all warned, even Hanna," Mark whispers back, planting a kiss on his head and Sebastian feels even more overwhelmed and overjoyed with the thoughtfulness Mark has once again demonstrated. They both ignore all the flashing of the cameras around them and the excited yelling and whistling with determination and Sebastian feels glad that the adrenaline in his system prevents him from fully realizing the impact of their actions just yet. When he is finally sitting in his proper spot for the interviews, he exchanges a last fond look with Mark, who is leaning against the wall and watching with an assuring smile. _I love you,_ Sebastian thinks to himself, _and you have no idea how happy you made me_.

When the conference starts and questions, quite naturally, revolve only around him and Mark, Sebastian makes some weak attempts to get attention to the actual race and not take it from his competitors. However, Lewis is still in so much shock that he does not bring out a coherent sentence and Fernando just grins devilishly and, earning a frown from Mark who is still watching from the side, the Spaniard asks, "So, Sebastian, I see you have a new ring. Any special meaning?"  
"Well, Fernando, you're not supposed to be asking the questions," Sebastian smiles wryly and swallows hard, "but yes, it is new and, _as you know already_ ," he adds a threatening tone to his voice and sees Mark's face light up with pride and Fernando's face lose some color at the same time, "it means that Mark and I have decided to get married." The entire room fills with gasps and whispers immediately and he catches a glimpse of Lewis who looks as if he is going to faint. Christian however, and Sebastian is very happy to notice, still smiles genuinely. Most of the press is too shocked to form a coherent questions after this revelation and the conference ends rather soon. Christian takes care of both of them, shielding them from any further requests, and after letting Sebastian change he gets them into a car back to their hotel.  
"We need to talk about this," he says leaning through the window of the backseats where they are leaning against each other before they leave. The sentence makes the blood freeze in Sebastian's veins and Mark is suddenly very pale. "But tomorrow. Just enjoy, and stay away from the TV and the internet." The Brit winks at them and waves them goodbye.

They sneak into the hotel through a staff door, both experienced with this by now and manage to get to their room without being seen. "Didn't we do it to get past the hiding?" Sebastian whispers while they are going up the stairs.  
"Sure, but I doubt you feel ready to face the aftermath tonight, do you? I certainly don't." Mark is right, of course, and Sebastian drops the topic for now. It will change soon enough. On their table, they find a bottle of Vodka that has "Congrats" written over it with black marker and they exchange a grin when they see it. Sebastian takes his phone out and scrolls past the dozens of missed calls and new messages to type a quick thank you for Kimi and then he turns it off, following Christian's advice. Because after all, Mark is very right, he does not want to bother with the fallout from their declaration of love just yet. Not before he had the opportunity to properly celebrate it with his _fiancé_. Taking the bottle, he looks at Mark questioningly.  
"Do you want to talk outside a bit? I feel too giddy to do anything else now." Mark just walks to the balcony instead of answering and so they sit there again, just like two days ago, only that nothing will be the same anymore when they wake up the next day. For now, they are both exhausted and content to be sitting in silence, Sebastian curled up in Mark's lap and held by the Australian.  
After a while has passed and some Vodka has been drained, they have calmed down and Sebastian raises his voice. "Can you really go to Bahrain?"  
"Yes, I think so. It is not illegal to be gay there. Just can't show it I suppose. I'm more worried about you. I think Abu Dhabi is a lot worse." Mark's voice is serious but calm.  
Sebastian has not really thought about it and shrugs. "I'll have to ask Christian."  
Mark sighs now and pours them some more alcohol. "I did, he thinks it's okay. But I'm not entirely convinced."  
There is a brief pause where they both drink and contemplate, listening to the sounds of the city going to sleep underneath them. "Well," Sebastian draws in a deep breath, "I think our former foreign minister who is openly in a gay relationship went to Abu Dhabi in course of duty and nothing happened to him. But even if that is true, I don't think he took his partner with him and I suppose both races are not suitable to attend together, are they?"  
Mark chuckles briefly, imagining the additional uproar and riot that could cause. "No, that is for sure. But now that everybody is aware we can probably have some quiet days in between. And then it's only Sao Paolo again and that will be okay."  
"Can you believe it is winter break then already?" Sebastian asks with sudden enthusiasm. "We could plan our wedding. We're really going to do it, right?"  
The implied doubt in his sincerity makes Mark huff. "Well, there's no point otherwise, is there?" Mark's fingers are playing with his hair now and Sebastian relaxes into the touch. Then the Australian pauses abruptly. "Can we marry in Germany?"  
"Nope, only civil partnership." Sebastian shakes his head.  
"Oh, I thought you'd be more progressive." Mark sounds genuinely surprised and Sebastian shrugs.  
"Nah, the conservatives have too much say lately. I thought maybe Australia is a bit more open?"  
"Oh no, Australia is horribly slow on that," Mark exclaims. "New Zealand has it, but really, we don't want to go there, do we?" Sebastian shakes his head again and Mark tries another suggestion. "So, Switzerland?"  
Sebastian sighs. "Not yet possible either. Damned. It shouldn't be that complicated. It shouldn't matter to anyone but us." He laces his fingers with Mark's and squeezes the Australian's hand. It seems unfair that they have to struggle so much for something that in Sebastian's mindset should be normality. People fall in love, people marry.  
After another moment of silence, Mark wraps his arms around Sebastian's chest and presses their bodies closer. "The world has come a far way but you can't expect everything at once," he says softly. "After all, there were times, not even that long ago, where we would have been arrested on the spot for kissing up there."  
"That's true." Sebastian had not thought about it but Mark has a point there. Then he is hit with a pleasant realization. "You know where we can marry?"  
"Hm?"  
"France!" Sebastian says proudly. "France is perfect, it started in France, you have a house in France, we can move there!" Mark chuckles at the return of the naive enthusiasm but after a while he asks seriously, "Are you sure you want to do it all at once? It is a lot of changes at once."  
Sebastian nods with determination. "More than sure. You?"  
"Oh, yes, definitely. I want to claim all of you, now, as mine and only mine," Mark says with a smile.  
Sebastian is beaming with joy now. "So it's a deal? We move to France and get married over winter?" He wants a confirmation of this, it sounds too good to be true.  
"If you want to call it a deal, yes, it's a deal." Mark squeezes him again.  
A bit later, Sebastian chucks the rest of his Vodka and turns around to face Mark, though in the dim light he cannot see his face too well. "You know, this claim of yours... you could act on that quite literally. I wouldn't complain. Just saying," he whispers teasingly.

And with a squeak similar to that two days ago, Sebastian is picked up and splayed on the satin of their sheets. "So," Mark gets out of his T-Shirt and drops it. "Can I unwrap what's mine now?" Sebastian nods, he loves it when Mark's voice drops that extra octave and he is more growling than speaking and it turns him on to no end. With greedy eyes, Mark crawls over him and tugs at his shirt, so Sebastian lifts his upper body just enough let him shed the offending piece of clothing. Then, Mark's lips are on his, Mark's tongue is playing with his bottom lip. Then his mouth wanders down on Sebastian's body, not missing any of his sensitive spots. He licks his throat, leaves little bruises on his collarbones, bites on his nipples and Sebastian is moaning through it, his hips already jerking against Mark's bottom and legs that are straddling him. His fingers are clutching in Mark's hair, tightly and probably painful but the Australian does not complain. Mark shuffles with his own legs and spreads Sebastian's, sitting between the German's knees now. His tongue has reached Sebastian's navel, licking small circles around it that make Sebastian squirm under him and that make the German's toes curl and his fingers clench in the sheets. His tongue follows the lucky trail and then he opens Sebastian's jeans with his teeth and Sebastian jerks his hips frantically now, only to have them pushed down by Mark's hands. "Greedy!" The Australian says, looking up to him with a cheeky smile but Sebastian is so far out of his mind already that answering with more than a groan is impossible. Mark frees him from his jeans and briefs roughly and then moves to sit back on his heels and stare at him. Sebastian sees the desire in his eyes, sees the dilated pupils, notices Mark licking his lips and he takes the time to study Mark's body in turn as well, the lean and defined muscles that move so delicately and can hold him so well, so tightly. Sebastian feels his cock twitch and leak pre-come, he really wants Mark, now. Mark takes his time though, peeling the rest of his clothes off deliberately slow, before he bends his head down to take Sebastian's tip in his mouth. He starts so slow, so gentle, so teasing, that he has Sebastian wincing and begging almost instantly. With an evil grin, he releases the German's cock and looks up at him. "You are eager tonight. The begging suits you." In response, Sebastian jerks his hips up once again and releases a desperate moan. Mark takes him again, swallowing him down almost entirely without hesitation this time and firmly pushing down Sebastian's hips, his nails digging into Sebastian's flesh. It takes Sebastian a lot of willpower not to battle the restraint, not to push further down Mark's throat and his fists are now so tightly clutching to the sheets that his knuckles are white. He cannot take his eyes off Mark, kneeling between his legs, red lips around his cock, dark eyes looking up at him through his lashes. He sees every muscle in his shoulders and arms move and tremble, he smells his aftershave, he hears the obscene noises coming from him sucking on Sebastian's cock.  
"Close," he presses out between his helpless moans and Mark stops immediately, making Sebastian wince disappointedly again. Mark leans over him, kissing him passionately and Sebastian tastes himself in Mark's mouth. The Australian reaches for the bedside drawer but Sebastian shakes his head. "Not tonight," he pants after breaking their kiss. Mark stares back at him in confusion. "We're both tested and we won't need lube," Sebastian presses out when he has enough breath and then reaches up to kiss the Australian again. Mark soon breaks the kiss, letting Sebastian lick his fingers. By now, Sebastian understands the idea and he complies willingly. It is slower tonight then during their first encounter, Mark is opening him more carefully, using more spit and pausing to suck on Sebastian's cock every once in a while. Sebastian has drifted into oblivion during the procedure, only consisting of yearning and craving. His fingers are still clenched in the now disheveled sheets, his toes are curled and his mouth releases a mixture of moans, whimpers and German swears while Mark is adding more fingers and trying to hit his prostate. By the time Mark buries himself in him with a single thrust, Sebastian has become a panting, needy mess, completely unraveled under Mark's moves. He comes over both of their stomachs, screaming Mark's name and burying his nails in Mark's shoulders. It is the frantic clenching of his muscles that sends the Australian over the edge soon after. Releasing a low groan he collapses onto Sebastian. They stay like that, enjoying the closeness and the afterglow for a long time, before Mark pulls out completely.  
"Shower?" The Australian props himself up and his dark eyes are fixing Sebastian with a fond look.  
"Yes, please," Sebastian whispers and then he lets himself be picked up and taken into the water. It is like their first shower, gentle and tentative, Mark doing most of the washing and drying them afterwards. He also takes Sebastian back to the bed and wraps both of them in one of duvets, spooning with the German closely. Sebastian can feel Mark breathe in his neck and feels Mark's heartbeat against his back. "Thank you. You have done something incredible for me," he whispers.  
Mark immediately corrects him. "For us." The older man presses a soft kiss against Sebastian's damp hair. "I love you, don't ever doubt that."  
"I won't." Sebastian laces their fingers. "And I love you, too." They are both spent and drained of their energy and they fall asleep quickly, still far from realizing the full extent and meaning of their actions from today. Sebastian's last thoughts before he drifts away rotate around a little house in France that he will soon call his home and the image of them decorating a Christmas tree there puts a smile on his face. 

_Some try to tell me_  
 _Thoughts they cannot defend,_  
 _Just what you want to be_  
 _You will be in the end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nights In White Satin: Written by Hayward, performed by The Moody Blues, (c) Hayward/ Deram Records


	32. Monday Morning

Mark wakes up first the next morning, a still sleeping blond head on his chest. Memory kicks in very slowly and his stomach flips when it is fully back. What has he done? That was not the way it should have happened. They should have talked about it beforehand, prepared things, properly warned people. He wonders how their parents react to being informed with a text. And he dreads having to talk to Christian and actually he has to fly to a country where he will not be welcome tomorrow. His eyes glance over the sleepy head resting on his ribcage and his fingers gently play with the blond streaks. _What have I gotten you into?_ Then he remembers Sebastian beaming at him when they were talking about a possible wedding, not a bad prospect at all. Maybe it will not be so bad in the end. It could be the best winter break he has ever had. Then Sebastian is stirring next to him and sleepy blue eyes look at him. "You're staring again," he pouts, voice still hoarse and then Mark sees the grin spread over the younger man's face and he knows that memory just hit Sebastian as well.  
"I'm sorry," he says, kissing Sebastian on the forehead, "but you look adorable when you sleep."  
"Adorable?" Mark cannot resist and kisses the German's pout.  
"Yes, and when you are defiant, you look even more adorable." Sebastian moves over him and tickles him and Mark laughs until tears are streaming down his cheeks and the younger man finally has mercy on him and stops. He is looking down on him now, propped up on his arms and searches his face for something.  
"Are you okay?"  
Mark nods slowly. _I am okay, right? We are okay._ "What about you?"  
"I am brilliant. I've been waiting for that for a while." Sebastian bends down and kisses him and Mark returns the kiss passionately, biting Sebastian's lower lip playfully and dragging him down to press their chests flush against each other. They are both breathless soon. "We should stop. I think we have to take care of some stuff."  
"I'm afraid you are right." Sebastian climbs off him and grabs their phones and his tablet from the bedside drawer. "Ready to face it?" Mark nods and so they sit up, backs against the headboards and sides pressed against each other, two hands laced tightly, glancing over the internet reactions to their kiss and the press conference. "Wow, that is huge," Sebastian says, turning off the screen after twenty minutes of lecture. Mark studies his face and realizes that the young man probably underestimated this and he squeezes his hand reassuringly.  
"It is really positive though," he says and it genuinely surprises him. He had expected more hate and more opposition but at least for now, those voices were rather rare and all in all, stayed decent in their commenting.  
"I know. It will cease, too, there is only so long they can focus on it and we could always out Fernando if we want them to focus on something else." Sebastian smiles at him with cheekily. "I think I should to call my parents now, text or not, they'll want to hear something firsthand."  
"Sure. I'll give Ann a call, should she just take over your twitter stuff as well?"  
"If she could that would be awesome. You know the password, right?"  
Mark chuckles and nods. Yes, he does. He watches Sebastian grab a jeans and get on the balcony, marvelling his body and then shakes his head to get rid of the dirty thoughts that are popping up. Ann is awfully pleased with him and does not object helping out with Sebastian's twitter and facebook and even offers to talk to his parents which Mark gladly accepts. In all honesty, he would not have expected anything else from Ann though. She has put up with a lot during their time together. His second call has him more worried and he tries to calm his nerves with a quick glance out of the window, watching a beaming Sebastian walking back and forth and talking incessantly, cheeks flushed and hands gesturing all the time. _He is so _adorable_ when he gets carried away._ With a sigh and a racing pulse, Mark dials Fritz's number.

_Oh yes the night is gonna fall, and the vultures will surround you,_   
_And when you're lookin' in the mirror what you see is gon' astound you._   
_And all the glow of you from inside the room,_   
_Is burning on inside of you, it all began on a Monday morning_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monday Morning: Written, performed & (c) Death Cab by Cutie


	33. Guilty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you for all the feedback on this again! It is making me massively happy!!! THANK YOU!  
> Also, sorry for updating really often now. I'm trying to get this done rather soon because I won't have much time after next week.  
> As for the story, nah, we're not at the happily ever after. That would have been too easy. I'm not doing fairytales, I'm afraid.

Sebastian ends his call with a huge grin on his face and relief still flooding his body. His parents have not only been accepting everything, they both told him that they were incredibly proud and no matter how old he gets, his parents approval and pride still means the world to him. Still smiling, he walks back into their bedroom only to stop in the middle of his steps, his face frozen and blood and guts ice-cold - Mark is sitting on the edge of his bed, shoulders crumbled and head buried in his hands. "What happened?" His pulse is racing desperately now.  
Mark lifts is head and Sebastian's heart breaks at the sight of the Australian's red and teary eyes. "Nothing in particular." Carefully, Sebastian sits down at Mark's feet and takes his hands, looking up to him questioningly. _You don't cry about _nothing_, Mark._ "I called Fritz."  
"They're kicking you out?" Sebastian feels anger spreading in his body.  
"No, no, they are very understanding. But apparently there are threats against the team that if they let me start there'll be _death_ and-"  
"Does Fritz want you to stay away for Bahrain?"  
Mark shakes his head. "He says they will not let anyone blackmail them."  
"He is right," Sebastian says vigorously. "And you should not let anyone do that to _you_ either."  
"It will be my fault if anyone gets hurt by this." Sebastian feels heartbroken, because in the end, he pressured Mark into this and if there is anyone to blame it should be him, not the Australian. And he feels angry and helpless with the entire world for daring to invade in their luck. He squeezes Mark's hands and looks into the dark eyes as fondly as he can. "You know that it's not like that. Nothing of this is your fault, it will only be the fault of those who are too stupid to understand what we have." It takes a moment, but Mark nods and Sebastian can see that he is starting to relax. "Promise me you will never forget that."  
"I promise." Mark pulls him up on his lap, Sebastian straddling the older man's lap now and the German leans into Mark's body, pressed flushed against him and kisses him gently. Tentatively, Sebastian brings his hand between their legs but Mark gently takes it away. "I love where you are taking this," he says with a smile that has Sebastian melting, "but Christian left a message and we should be down in half an hour and that means we should shower." Sebastian gets off Mark's lap with a sigh and takes Mark's hand, pulling him along into the shower. While they are under the hot stream he screens Mark's face and with relief finds it relaxed. Still he wonders how many of those situations they will have to deal with in the future and whether in the end, he has pushed Mark too far too soon.

_Guilty, I'm paralyzed with guilt_  
 _It runs through me like a rain through silk_  
 _Guilty, my mind won't leave me alone_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guilty: Written, performed and (c) by Lou Reed


	34. I'll Be There For You

_I'll be there for you_  
 _When the rain starts to pour_  
 _I'll be there for you_  
 _Like I've been there before_

They walk to Christian's room hand in hand and ignore the reaction of the hotel staff and other guests that see them on their way, though some of their staring feels to Mark as if they are burning him with their looks. He has never been comfortable with that much of attention and that has not changed over just a night. But it seems that whenever doubts arise, Sebastian senses it and squeezes his hand a bit harder, reassuring him that he is not alone in this. When they have reached the number Christian had left in his message, they stand in front of the door for a moment and look at each other. Mark feels his heart thundering and he can tell from the nervous flicker in Sebastian's eyes that the younger is not as relaxed as he wants to appear, either. He draws in a sharp breath and reaches for the door. "Ready?" Sebastian nods and Mark knocks on the door with determination. _We will be okay._  
"Come in and have a seat," Christian opens them and points them straight to a small sofa. Once they have managed to sit down with a distant that feels neither too close nor too far from each other, hands still lace and eyes on the floor, Christian takes place in an armchair across from them and chuckles. Mark lifts his head, raising an eyebrow. "You look as if you think I am about to kill you. Why would you think that? Mark, you talked to me, I even told you I'd be fine with it. What are you afraid of?" Truth to be told, Mark has no idea what exactly he is afraid of there and then. So, he just shrugs and Sebastian is not answering, either. "Well, if you don't want to tell me yet that's okay. Let me just start then, congratulations!" It sounds very genuine.  
"Thank you," Sebastian whispers next to him. "I am sorry I didn't come to you."  
"I understand about that. Though it's a bit surprising that out of the two of you Mark would approach me. But then, I suppose, our relationship has always been better than the media suggested."  
"Well," Mark swallows, "I trust you. And thank you for being there for me, for us with this."  
"It's okay, you have just as much right to your personal happiness as everybody else. There is one thing to be sorted now though, and that is Abu Dhabi. You know you cannot both go, right?"  
"Yes," Mark says softly, "we figured."  
"Good. I spoke to Marko." The way Christian pauses makes Mark's pulse race even more. "He is not exactly happy about this. But as I said, the fear of being seen as homophobic will keep him quiet. Sebastian, you should not expect too much from though." Mark glances sideways and sees Sebastian nod, the young man's face serious but not disappointed or nervous.  
"It's okay. It matters more to me that you're okay with it." Sebastian shrugs and this time, Mark squeezes his hand.  
"How is Porsche taking the news?"  
"I think they are rather indifferent. They say it is my private business and they will not interfere and won't bother with requests regarding it." Mark does not tell him about the threats but he assumes Red Bull has received the same type of comments.  
"Sebastian," Christian looks over the younger man now and Mark follows his eyes, looking at Sebastian's tense face. "Is it okay for you if the team does not comment on it? We would like to take a similar path to what Mark just describe and tell journalist that they have to direct any requests to you personally."  
"Sure. That sounds like a good idea."  
"Then that's what we will do. Do you need Britta's support with anything?"  
"No, actually, Ann is taking care for both of us."  
"Oh, right. Ann and Hanna knew?" Christian's face is curious now and when they both nod, he smiles. "That's good. Well, I suppose that is all we have to do sort right now and I have to get packing," he gets up and holds his hand out to Mark, "so I'll say goodbye now."  
Mark gets up and takes his hand, "Goodbye, Christian, and thank you again for doing this."  
"It's part of my job," the Brit smiles fondly and is now hugging Sebastian. "Take care, okay?"  
"Sure, thank you, Christian."  
Christian accompanies them to the door and before they exit he puts one hand on each of their backs. "Don't worry too much and please both know that you are welcome to talk to me anytime, I owe you some very successful years of my career and I will be there for you, you understand?" They nod once again and then he lets them out of the room, not without a final sharp remark, "And don't you forget to invite me to your wedding, I'll feel very insulted if you don't!"  
"We won't," Sebastian says, blushing and Mark feels his own cheeks heat up as well. 

Mark has no idea where it comes from, but at some point during their way back to their room Sebastian suggests that they should have a blog together. "A blog?" he asks confused, as he does not see what that is supposed to be good for.  
"I think it would be cute. We could blog some pics, some messages, I don't know. Most people have one."  
Mark pulls a face. Maybe it is a generation thing? With a dry voice, he says, "Yeah, we could call it the Martian."  
"What kind of name is that?"  
They've made it back to their room and Mark opens the door before he answers, "What do you mean? You've not heard it before?"  
"No, why would I?" Sebastian flops down on the mattress of their bed and waves a hand to invite Mark to join him.  
The Australian sits down with his back against the headboard and gives the German a surprised look. "It's what we are known as in the _mighty_ world of fanfiction."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Just google it when you have the time. But apparently, there are people who enjoy seeing us together and I am pretty sure our little declaration has made them more than happy." He is shaking his head now, surprised that the kid wants to set up a blog but has never come in contact with the fanfiction that is circulating about them.  
"It has made me more than happy," Sebastian growls while he sits up to straddle Mark's legs.  
"We should be packing," Mark says but his voice is not convincing and when Sebastian presses his lips on Mark's mouth he returns the kiss passionately.  
"Christian is really great," Mark makes another attempt to stay the reasonable of them and breaks their kiss.  
"Oh, he is a great friend." Sebastian gives him a seductive look and Mark knows he is about to lose this one when the young man continues, his voice purring, "But I would rather not think about him now." And with that, a hand unbuttons his jeans and Mark surrenders. _We'll just have to pack really fast._

_I'll be there for you_  
 _'Cause you're there for me, too_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll Be There For You: Written by Crane/ Kauffman/ Skloff/ Willis/ Solem/ Wilde, performed by The Rembrandts, (c) East West, Atlantic


	35. Fall From Grace (1/2 - Sebastian)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, countdown to the last chapter has officially started (yeah, I know, we've been there before, but unless you prompt for something, I really wouldn't know how to continue after that).

_Mm when the dam bursts_  
 _I can't take it_  
 _We'll drown our sorrows_  
 _Here it comes look here it comes, look here it comes_

The weeks around Bahrain and Abu Dhabi are the worst time Sebastian can remember in his entire life. As much as he hates to admit it, Mark was right all along. It is not that easy and just because he thinks it _should_ be, does not mean anyone else will agree with him. All that he wanted was to be himself and what he achieved is that now everybody treats him like somebody else. It is not that the responses are negative, in fact, for the very largest part, reactions are overwhelmingly positive. But well meant is not well done, is it? He does not feel like a gay rights activist, he is not even gay but he does not want to try to go there as most of the media apparently has decided they know better. And yeah, it hurts a lot that suddenly people think Hanna was just a cover for his sexuality, or, worse, a way to have children. Of course, he called her and she is not upset and does not believe a word of the mess, for which he is grateful, but still, just the thought that someone thinks he would be capable of doing it. And that is not all people think he is capable of. Some assume he is only coming out to get attention after a horrible season. Others make up huge stories on how this is an evil plan of Mark to get back at him. The next article will suggest they had been together when Sebastian was still in kart races, only a short step from calling Mark a pedophile. It seems to get worse day by day and he has come to the point where he prefers straightforward hate or discrimination _\- there is something refreshingly honest about that -_ to the invention of ridiculous stories or being idolized as a gay hero _\- and what is up with that anyway? -_ or the pity that many want to drown him in, as of course in their mind, he must have suffered under his suppressed feelings for so many years now.

Every interview he is asked for serves only one purpose now: discuss his sexuality and the fallout from him being open about it. Nobody wants to speak about anything race related, as if he is no longer a driver. It is a shame not only for his achievements, but also for the team. He feels sorry for the guys who have done amazing work now towards the end of the season, finally allowing him and Daniel to race for wins again. But nobody cares about it anymore. It feels like he spoilt the entire season finale for everybody. Christian is trying his best to be supportive, Sebastian does not miss his efforts. It is just not helping him because he is spiraling downwards in his head regardless, feeling helpless and overwhelmed with a situation that he cannot see a way out of. He has never dealt well with being disliked and he still does not cope well with it, but actually, the way some people now praise him for something he considers normal is even worse.

There is a bit of light in all the darkness, for example, a very drunk night with Kimi who is one of the few people who treat him just the way they always did during with the Finn had demanded to organize Sebastian's bachelor party. Of course, talking to Mark on the phone is always good, too, but then it is sad at the same time because he can hear Mark is struggling as well and he feels incredibly guilty about it because after all, Sebastian pressured for this and not the Australian. Nevertheless, even though the uproar prevented them from meeting between Bahrain and Abu Dhabi, they have finished in those suddenly unwelcoming countries now and they will see each other in a couple of days and that prospect, along with the even better thought of leaving towards France after it, are the sparks of hope that keep Sebastian going, that make him keep smiling for the press and that finally let him go to sleep after lots of tossing and turning at night.

_With my head hanging high_  
 _and my hands untied_  
 _On the horizon there's a little_  
 _piece of land I aspire_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fall From Grace: Written by McConnell/ Robinson/ Doherty, performed by Babyshambles, (c) EMI


	36. Fall From Grace (2/2 - Mark)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's become quiet here, I hope I haven't disappointed anyone and I apologize if I did :(

Mark knows this is not working well. They are both in too deep and suffer in silence and as much as they are playing pretend during their phone calls, it is obvious that his spontaneous idea has caused them a lot to grieve over. For him, being dragged in that much of spotlight feels intolerable. Too many journalists, too many flashlights wherever he turns and too many questions. And no, he will never get used to millions of people sticking their nose right into his private life and digging for his secrets. It is nobody's business how they got together, what they do together or when they do it together. It does not bother him so much that there are assumptions made on his behaviour, that there is heavy criticism of him exploiting Ann _\- she will sort that out for herself, he is sure about this much -_ but he does care a lot about the rumours people make about Sebastian. Because he still hears Christian's words _\- he is sensitive with this -_ and because it is just not true, because Sebastian has done nothing wrong, has been so honest with everybody and especially with Hanna that it seems terribly unfair what some media now spreads about him. Plus, Sebastian travelling to a country where they could be imprisoned for their relationship is not helping and he does not have a single moment of peace during that weekend. He is thankful when it is Sunday night and he gets a text saying that Sebastian is at the airport, ready to board his flight. And now, it is only a couple of days before they will be reunited at Sao Paulo, facing his last race of the season together and then, hopefully, the world can be locked out and stay locked out for winter break. After all, the idea that he will not travel back alone to Australia but with his future husband to France is a really, really good one.

_Can we go some place_  
 _where they don't know my face_  
 _Gather round now, bare witness_  
 _to my Fall From Grace_

Despite the best prospects for the next weeks, he knows that the guilt will be around much longer. Sebastian is so young, Mark is not entirely convinced that the German fully grasps what they have done or what they are about to do. The thought that one day, the young man will wake up and regret it, only to blame Mark, has been haunting him since their first encounter at Le Mans. It is Fernando, who during a phone call asks him whether he regrets coming out. He says he would do it again - but that is a lie. At least right now. Maybe, when enough time has passed, he will look back and it will make sense, but for the time being, he regrets deeply and the guilt of being the one who is putting them through all of this is eating him alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fall From Grace: Written by McConnell/ Robinson/ Doherty, performed by Babyshambles, (c)EMI


	37. November Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (When I said I was worried about the quietness here I didn't want to scare anyone. I am just enormously self-conscious about this and even more so, now that the end is near and I am freaking out that I am letting people down with the ending.)

_And when your fears subside_  
 _And shadows still remain_  
 _I know that you can love me_  
 _When there's no one left to blame_

Sebastian arrives first and waits for Mark anxiously, almost jumping when the door finally opens behind them. They stand pressed against each other in silence as they have done so many times before and tonight, they stay like this even longer than usual, each needing to feel the other and yearning to be held. When they finally break apart and Mark moves to put his suitcase out of their way, the Australian suddenly lets out a laugh and holds up a DVD case from the bed. "What's that about?"  
"I might have read in an interview that it touched you." Sebastian smiles cheekily and Mark first hugs and then tickles him until he can only squeak helplessly and not at all manly under his hands.  
"So we're watching _Marley & Me_ tonight?"  
It takes a moment for Sebastian to get enough air to speak and he is still panting when he finally does, "Yes, popcorn included. Real couple things for us from now on." He smiles broadly at the Australian, while his fingers try to order his now ruffled hair a little.  
"I'll be all teary." Mark warningly wiggles a finger in front of Sebastian's face but he is smiling genuinely while he does so.  
"I know. You can be the weak one for a night." Sebastian says it playfully but there is a bit of a hidden truth to it and he knows it is probably showing to Mark, who mostly reads him like an open book.  
"Wait, what?" The Australian's voice is completely serious now. _So he noticed._  
"You're always the stronger one of us," Sebastian says, feeling himself blush and staring at the floor, "so for tonight I figured you could be the one crying and I get to console you."  
"You really think that?" Sebastian nods and then Mark cups his face, forcing the German to lock gaze with him. "That is so ridiculous. I am so not the strong one here. Never forget that you came to me in Le Mans and that none of this would have happened without your courage, because I behaved like a pretty dumb coward for the most part of our relationship."  
That has to be the one of the most beautiful compliments Mark has ever made him and Sebastian kisses him passionately when he hears it. Mark returns the kiss and soon, teeth are gritting and clothes are flying. Only when Sebastian starts to shed Mark's boxers, the Australian breaks their encounter, much to Sebastian's confusion. "Let's watch the movie first. Real couple things, remember?"  
"Oh, I see. You're really into it!" Sebastian nudges Mark and they playfully wrestle for the DVD for a moment before Mark gets a hold of it and sets everything up. They cuddle up under a duvet in only their boxers, bowl of popcorn in Sebastian's lap, Mark's arms around Sebastian's back and Sebastian's head on Mark's shoulders and towards the end of the movie, they both shed some tears. _It should be like this every day._ Sebastian cannot get rid of that thought. When the credits have rolled off the screen and the TV is turned off, Mark looks at him with suddenly very serious eyes and it makes Sebastian shiver.  
"So, how are you coping?" Mark laces their fingers in his lap. Sebastian thinks about how much he wants to admit in front of Mark and evades the other's eyes. "It is okay. I'm okay."  
"How is the team taking it?"  
"Mostly really well. Britta is a bit disappointed that I didn't talk to her. I don't even know why I didn't" He shrugs and then continues, "Lots of the other drivers are trying to be supportive, too. Most are as usual, and there is only some, like Lewis, who seem a bit unsure how to talk to me. That'll pass though. How has your team been?"  
"They are great, really. But sometimes you can tell that they try too hard to behave as if nothing happened, you know?"  
"Hm. Yes, I think I do." Sebastian nods against Mark's shoulder. "By the way, I googled that fanfiction thing you told me about." _And please let us play pretend, let us not spoil tonight because I missed you so much and I really want us to be in a lighter mood here._  
"Oh." Mark sounds a little concerned.  
"Yeah, and some of it made me never wanting to have sex ever again." Sebastian shakes his head, trying to erase the mental images.  
Mark is chuckling now. "I never said you should read it."  
Sebastian tries to make his voice as seductive as possible when he continues, "Hm... but I am kind of glad I did."  
"How so?" His voice had the desired effect as Mark's question sounds quite intrigued.  
"I think I came across some things that I would like us to try."  
Mark frowns at him. "This does not include a threesome with Christian I hope?"  
Sebastian feels as if his cheeks turn the colour of a lobster at this remark and his voice is squeaky when he replies, "No, ugh. Really. Don't put those images in my head now. I won't tell you everything here anyway." He playfully pinches Mark's thigh and looks out of the window, noticing that the night has fallen down on them. "There is one thing we should try though."

He is leaning with his face and hands against a wet and dirty wall in the drizzling November rain of Sao Paolo, in a quiet backstreet of their hotel that is only dimly lit, shivering in a soaked T-Shirt, jeans shoved down a bit. Mark is behind him, opening him roughly with lube-slicked fingers, panting heavily in his neck, the hot air burning on Sebastian's sensitive skin. Maybe it is a stupid idea and if they get caught they will never hear the end of it, but right now it feels just as great as he imagined it, both of them high on adrenaline and with thundering hearts because of the possibility to be seen. "This came unexpected," Mark whispers into his ear, withdrawing his fingers quickly only to replace them with his cock.  
Sebastian winces at the sudden thrusts but then quickly presses back against Mark's hips, greedy for more. "I like to surprise," he growls between moans and heavy breathing. The nails of Mark's fingers are probably leaving blood on his hips because he is clenching so hard in them now, pushing into Sebastian relentlessly. Then one hand lets go and Sebastian can feel Mark's fingers tightly around his cock, making him thrust into Mark's palm involuntarily. He is squirming in the Australian's hold, desperate for release already and with the little air and brain function he has left, he keeps muttering pleas and German swears until Mark bites his neck and the possessiveness in that pushes him over the edge, making him come in Mark's hands. He can feel Mark follow him soon after, growling into his ear and clutching to his hips.  
"If that's what I get out of it, I'd like you to read more porn. I never thought you had that in you." Mark says when they walk back to the staff entrance of the hotel _\- in this state, they certainly do not want to be seen -_ hand in hand and with their heads against each other.  
"We have a saying in Germany that quiet waters run deep," Sebastian replies absentmindedly.  
"Yeah, that sums it up well." Mark presses another kiss to his damp hair. "I love your dirty self. I love every way you come in, actually." And there and then, Sebastian thinks they will make it through this just fine.

_So never mind the darkness_  
 _We still can find a way_  
 _'Cause nothin' lasts forever_  
 _Even cold November rain_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> November Rain: Written by Rose, performed by Guns N'Roses, (c) Guns N'Roses music


	38. This Time

Their second time in Sao Paolo passes quickly and it is entirely enjoyable. Mark properly introduces Sebastian to the team and they are both surprised how easily the young German is integrated and taken along, even joining them for their end-of-season celebration. And then they are sitting on a plane to France, finally. It seems that a lifetime has passed during the past season. In the last six months, their life has turned upside down and Mark still has problems to really believe it. In France, they fall into the same easy domestic routine quickly that they had established during their summer vacation except that they cannot enjoy the pool anymore. They end up running together a lot though he is concerned with Sebastian who occasionally ends up vomiting during their exercises. Not that it never happened to Mark, but it seems to him that it happens a bit too often to the young man. Other than that, France is paradise for them. Quiet, relaxed and private, with the exact lazy evenings Mark had envisioned, sleeping tangled with each other and waking up next to each other every day, without the knowledge of an impending flight weighing heavy on their shoulders. They have hired a lawyer to take care of their official moving process and even agreed on a date for their wedding. Mark chuckles at Ann's obvious displease when they invited people via e-mail. Now, she has taken over some of the planning and she ended up sending what she calls _real invitations_ to everybody. Kimi still insists on a proper bachelor party but at least agreed that they can do with only one party for both of them. In a couple of days, they will leave for a weekend in Switzerland to pick up some of Sebastian's stuff and meet with Hanna and Emilie for an afternoon. Of course, Mark understands well that Sebastian misses his little girl, but he is horrified at the thought of meeting them.

~~~~~

The trip to Switzerland starts very pleasant, with an easy drive and a bit of snow around Sebastian's house, making them have childish snowball fights instead of packing boxes for the first afternoon. They are more efficient on Saturday and then, Sunday morning, they have just finished packing the things Sebastian wants to take _\- and Mark is still shaking his head over that kid's taste in music and movies -_ when Hanna arrives with Emilie. The little girl is gorgeous and cute, but Mark really has not expected anything else. What surprises him much more is the genuine warmth that surrounds Hanna. He never noticed her much during him and Sebastian's years at Red Bull and right now, he wonders why. Everything about her is loveable, she is sweet, welcoming and even funny. His nervousness is gone in an instant when she walks up to him, pulls him into a hug and congratulates him with a broad smile on her face. They talk and play with Emilie and it seems as if they get along very well, which matters a lot to Mark because Sebastian should be with the little girl as much as possible after all. Said Sebastian is behaving a little strange over the course of the afternoon though, seeming increasingly absentminded, staring out of the window, frowning. Mark wonders if he is bothered with something regarding his daughter or if it is about them. And though he notices the change in Sebastian's mood, disaster strikes him unprepared.

~~~~~

"Why are you so quiet?" Mark looks at Sebastian when they are driving back to France. They have been sitting in silence for a couple of hours and it is not the comfortable kind of silence. He is worried and he clearly missed something because Sebastian looks stricken.  
"You looked wonderful with Emilie. You would make a great dad." Sebastian's voice is distant and he is staring out of the window.  
Mark's stomach ties up in a knot; he has a vague idea where this is going and he does not like it at all. "So?"  
"We will never have kids." Sebastian still seems to be far away, contemplating. It sounds as if he is talking to himself and it is driving Mark up the wall.  
"Would you mind elaborating on why that bothers you so much? You have a beautiful daughter and I don't care much for kids, so where is our problem, what is making your face look like someone just died?" It comes out angrier than he wanted it to but it is too late to change that now.  
"What if you change your mind?"  
And though he cannot even say why, and though he knows it is not that his reaction is not appropriate, Mark snaps. "Seriously? That again? Yeah, so you still expect me to wake up and just change my mind and go and look for a nice woman to have some kids with? Because that would totally be me, right? Because I gave you all those reasons to doubt me, to doubt that I mean this and to doubt us? I'm sick of it, you know? I don't know what else I could do for you. Well, maybe throw myself off a cliff. Now, that would be one final prove of love. You make me sick with this, Sebastian." There is not single word spoken after this and as he finallly pulls into the driveway, his head feels like it is going to explode with anger, anger at himself for snapping, anger at Sebastian for doubting him, anger at the world for making all of this bloody complicated. Smashing the door closed behind him, he storms off, walking away from the car, the house and his fiancé who does not trust him without turning back, tears of rage clouding his eyes and his fists clutched in the pockets of his hoodie.

_This time I need to know_  
 _I really must be told_  
 _If it's over_  
 _It's up to you, you know_  
 _The things you want to hold_  
 _Are in pieces_  
 _Crashing down_  
 _Crashing down again_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Time: Written by Bjork/ Malm/ White/ Corgan, performed by Smashing Pumpkins, (c) Warner/Chappell Music Scandinavia AB


	39. Crystal Village

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written with alternating POV! It is angsty (again) and it might take another 12 hours before it is updated again!

_Take my hand, come with me_  
 _I see the lights so brightly_

In the evening's twilight, Sebastian gets his boxes into their house. Which might not be their house but only Mark's now again. And maybe the boxes do not belong there anymore. Feeling entirely numb, he does not even cry. Yes, he doubts Mark, it is true. How come Mark does not doubt him? After all the Australian has been through, where does he take the trust from? And why does Mark run out on him? Sure, he made a mistake but running out really is not helping trust. When he has unpacked in the cold and drizzling rain and Mark still has not returned, he goes back the car and curls up in the driver's seat that still smells a bit like Mark. Then, finally, the tears flow freely. The despair about their fight, the terror of maybe having lost Mark this time, the nagging voices that Mark might have changed his mind already and all the turmoil of the past weeks, the guilt, the suppressed anger at the media, it is all collapsing over him and he sobs until he falls asleep from exhaustion.

Mark has no idea what he is doing or where he is going. It is almost dark, he is soaked and he is shivering. But he does not want to go back, he cannot go back. It seems unbearable to face Sebastian, because running out was of course totally stupid but also because right now, Mark is hopeless when it comes to their relationship. If he is only making Sebastian worried and fails at showing his love, how are they ever supposed to work? Add to that all the pressure of the entire world watching them, how should it ever have a happy ending? The tears on his cheeks will not stop running but the rain washes them away. Mark's legs are numb when he slowly walks back to the driveway and his heart shatters at the sight of the man he loves, curled up dishevelled and looking miserable in the driver's seat of his car. And that is - of course - his fault. Mark feels like screaming. A constant source of pain and sorrow, he is not doing anything good for the kid. With a sigh, he opens the passenger seat's door and climbs in next to Sebastian who stirs at the sound of the door. "You came back." Mark nods, swallowing hard at the sight of the teary blue eyes that look at him now. "I want to show you something." He nods again and Sebastian starts the car and drives into the night. Mark has no idea where they are going and he is not asking. Maybe he will drive them against a tree and right now, he does not even care. "You are shivering." Sebastian gives him a quick look of concern and turns the heater to full power. It is the last thing anyone says for a long time. They still have not spoken when around 11pm Sebastian stops for gas and parks the car afterwards. "I need sleep," he mumbles absentmindedly and pushes his seat back. Mark nods and does the same and in the middle, over the gear stick, their hands tangle tentatively, briefly sending shivers down the Australian's spine before he drifts away.

Sebastian wakes up when an hour later Mark leaves the car, returning short after with two cups of coffee. Sebastian gets out as well and accepts gratefully, stretching his legs and back and with a small smile surrounding his lips, he watches Mark cringe at the taste. It is not raining but it is horribly cold still and they stand in silence under a streetlight of the highway gas station, clutching to their coffee. Sebastian produces a very rumpled package of cigarettes from his jeans and of course, Mark accepts. Sebastian smiles briefly, this has become kind of a tradition for them _\- impending separation? Have a cigarette first!_ He sees Mark fidget with the lighter a bit helplessly and lights it for him, his warm fingers brushing with Mark's ice-cold digits longer than necessary. He wonders if Mark knows where he is driving. The Australian still has not asked. _One of the ways he completely trusts me._ His eyes follow the small lines of smoke and then rest on Mark, who looks tired and exhausted. And sad. His dark eyes are staring back full of resignation and Sebastian feels his own heart breaking at the image. _I am such an idiot._ With a swift movement, he sheds the stub and goes back into the car, Mark following him immediately. When they have made it back to the highway, Mark's hand rests on his on top of the gear stick again and he releases a deep breath at the touch that feels so comforting and painful at the same time.

"Maybe we should postpone the wedding. Maybe we need more time." Mark's voice is hoarse and sounds distant and he is still holding Sebastian's hand firmly. Sebastian swallows hard and nods, not sure, if Mark is even looking. His heart is shattering into pieces in his chest but he does not speak up. Instead, he keeps staring at the road, speeding relentlessly.

_We were there_  
 _It was good in the beginning._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crystal Village: Written & performed by Pete Yorn


	40. The Promise You Made

_Would you worry for me_  
 _With a pain in your chest?_

Mark has no idea why he said that about the wedding. It is nothing he really wants to do, yet, part of him feels that it is too soon, that he has to give Sebastian time, and maybe their relationship needs that, too. But the look on Sebastian's face now... even in the dim lit car he can see the sadness and it feels devastating.  
He must have drifted away as he has not noticed Sebastian stopping until he hears the sounds of Sebastian opening the door and getting out. When he opens his eyes and looks outside he knows exactly where they are, even in almost complete darkness he knows. With sleepy eyes and worn out muscles he follows Sebastian outside and they lean against the car looking on to the street ahead of them. "Here." He smiles wryly, Sebastian does not even ask him if he wants a cigarette anymore. It is an accepted habit by now. Their teams would frown badly at that but it works for them when they have to communicate. _That is the issue with relationships between men, most of us suck at conversation in the end_. They smoke in silence and Mark's thoughts are spinning, jumping between memories of the past and searching for Sebastian's motives to take him here. The latter question is addressed soon. "I remember it, you know?" Mark does not look at Sebastian, he stares at the street and listens to the distant voice next to him. "I mean, not only how we started. I think I saw you here for the first time, 99." Mark's heart jumps briefly - the flip. "It was the scariest accident I had seen and you were so calm about it. And I saw you in an interview and although I was only twelve I think I knew I wanted you. Not in the way I want you now, maybe more as a bigger brother. But I understood there and then where I wanted to be in my life."  
They stand in silence for a while, before Mark starts to speak with a hoarse voice, "Tell me what you need me to do."  
"Promise you won't ever run out on me again." Mark does not answer right away, instead, he ditches the cigarette and climbs to the roof of the car, pulling on Sebastian to get him to follow. On the rooftop, he sits down and pulls the smaller man into his lap, holding him tightly, sucking in his smell and the warmth of his body and lacing their fingers in the younger man's lap.  
"I promise," he whispers, next to Sebastian's ear and then continues with a normal voice. "And it was stupid to do it. I'm just so disappointed with myself, I don't understand why I cannot prove myself to you."  
"But it is not about what you do." Sebastian is leaning into his embrace, his head against Mark's chest _\- and that is where it belongs -_ and still speaks with a distant, contemplating voice, not really addressing Mark but more as if he is speaking to himself. "It is just that overwhelming feeling of having everything I want and now being afraid that it is taken away from me. When I came to Red Bull, I had the feeling I could have everything at once - and then nothing was the way I had wanted it to be. And I know, with four titles it is an ungrateful thing to say but it is still true. I was unhappy then."  
Mark looks into the dark sky, only now noticing that there is no rain and after taking a deep breath, he asks, "Are you happy with me?"  
The reply comes immediately. "More than that. I am complete with you. I am home with you." _He says that without hesitation, without doubt._  
"I am so sorry though." Mark swallows and coughs before he feels he controls his voice enough to continue without breaking in tears, "I feel responsible for you. You have thrown yourself into my arms without second thought and now I feel like I am only making you miserable since then."  
"No you don't." Sebastian lights himself another cigarette but this time, Mark denies the offer. He slides his hands under Sebastian's coat and shirt instead, warming his hands on the German's stomach who lets out a brief squeak. "And that is the problem? You feel guilty?"  
Mark nods, knowing that Sebastian cannot see but certainly feel it. "You are young and I am damaging you, ruining your life possibly."  
"I am not that young anymore," Mark knows Sebastian has a point here, "and nothing is ruined for me." That, Mark is not so sure about.  
"It is not easier though, mate." His fingers move up a bit and he rests his chin against Sebastian's head, the blond hair tickling him a bit.  
Sebastian does not answer him immediately and fidgets with his lighter. "But overall, it is happier," he blurts out after a while.  
"Tell me how you really cope. Honestly." This is easier when they are not facing each other, Mark notices and wonders, why they never thought about it.  
Sebastian answers after a brief moment of hesitation and Mark can feel Sebastian's chest rise when the young man draws in a sharp breath before he starts answering, "I hate being _the gay driver_. I hate that it is actually not about driving at all anymore. People want to know whether I top or bottom. Honestly. You wouldn't go and ask someone straight which position they do in bed. I hate being pitied. And yeah, it hurts when someone claims they hate me only because I fell in love with you. It is so wrong; it makes me feel so wrong. And yeah, it gets to me even though I tell myself that it shouldn't. I cannot even stop reading. Sometimes, especially during those races in Bahrain and Abu Dhabi, I tossed and turned at night, looked at the tablet again, read all the crap again and did not go to sleep at all." Mark is shocked and heartbroken when he hears the pain in his voice, shocked at the amount of sorrow in the young man's life. It is quiet for a moment before Sebastian presses his hands against Mark's through all the layers of clothes and softly asks, "How do you feel about it?"  
 _Honesty... they are being honest know._ "Yeah, well... you know that I don't fancy questions about my sex life either. And I wish people would not chase us. Or turn us into some gay heroes. I don't think we ever wanted to do this to be role models and I hate being coined as one. I'm the worst role model I could imagine. I can ignore a lot of the other stuff but some of those made up stories about us did drive me up the wall." Mark hesitates a moment. "Would you do it again?"  
"Yes." The reply comes immediately and Mark is immensely happy and relieved about that. "I am proud that I have you and I want to share with everybody and I want the world to know you're taken, too. And I try to remind myself that it will get boring for them after a while and then they'll let us be." Sebastian drops his cigarette and disentangles from Mark's arms, turning around to face him now and wrapping his legs around Mark's waist. Sebastian cups his face and although he cannot see much he knows that a pair of blue eyes is staring at him. "Would you?"  
"Yes, anytime." And this time, he means it, because after all, he does not want them to be like David and Fernando. They could not, because neither of them would ever feel comfortable betraying a woman in that way. Because neither of them would - in the long run - feel comfortable with the hide and seek. And because a possessive part of him agrees with Sebastian and wants the world to know his lover is _his_ and taken, for good.

_Could I rely on your faith to be strong_  
 _To pick me back up and to push me along_

Sebastian wraps his arms around Mark's neck now and pulls him close, kissing him tentatively. Instantly, Mark is melting into the kiss, his hands clenching in the back of Sebastian's coat. It is a chaste kiss, with their lips closed, but it lasts a long time before Sebastian breaks it. "How do you do it? How can you trust me so easily?"  
"I think I decided I had to," Mark is merely whispering. "Remember that first night I bottomed with you?" He feels Sebastian nod against his shoulder. "I was terrified. But I decided to jump and once I had made the decision it was all set, it was clear that I was falling and it felt okay because of you."  
"I am scared of losing you. And losing myself." Sebastian's fingers are tracing his face now, sending endless shivers down Mark's spine and making his toes curl.  
"I promise I will be there. And I promise that I will try to be more patient."  
"And that you won't run out on me," Sebastian reminds him and it sounds as if he is smiling while he says it.  
"And that I won't run out on you ever again." Mark nods and lets out a brief chuckle. "That proposal was a really bad idea," he adds with a contemplative voice, wondering whether they are really ready to take that step.  
"Hm, maybe." Sebastian is burying his head in Mark's coat and his voice comes out muffled.  
Mark takes another deep breath and decides that nobody is ever ready anyway. "I like bad ideas though," he says with a smile, "don't you?" He never gets an answer, just a passionate kiss, this time with parting lips and tentatively playing tongues, still gentle but also sending little bolts of electricity to Mark's groin and with the way Sebastian's breath hitches and his hips move against Mark's, he knows the German feels the same way.

_Please tell me_  
 _You'll be there in my hour of need_  
 _You won't turn me away_

"We'll freeze up here, we should get back inside." Mark is breathing a bit heavier after breaking the kiss. Instead of a reply, Sebastian gets off the car and holds a hand out for him to follow which Mark accepts eagerly. When they are back in their seats, Mark sees Sebastian's face in the car's dim light and he sees the lust in his eyes, sees him lick his upper lip absentminded while he is staring back, studying him in turn as well. It makes his cock twitch expectantly and his pulse race. A Porsche however, is not practical for this, a nagging thought in his head says - but that does not matter anymore when Sebastian's hand reaches out for him and caresses the sensitive spot of his neck. With a soft moan, Mark leans forward, bringing their heads close and brushing his lips against Sebastian's teasingly. Sebastian tries to pull him into a proper kiss but he keeps withdrawing, soft chuckles coming from his mouth. "You're eager, mate." He slides a hand under Sebastian's coat, tugging at the waistband of the younger man's jeans and eliciting a quiet swear and some moans. It requires all of their athletic capacities and their entire flexibility to shed their clothes in the tiny inside of the sports car. Mark pushes his seat back as far as possible and Sebastian understands the unspoken signal and moves to his lap, pushing him back against the headrest and finally getting him into the kiss he has been longing for. It is rough now, for they have been holding it for back for a while and their teeth grit and their lips bleed with the passion of their early encounters and their gasps and moans fill the inside of the car. It was not warm when they got back in but it feels steaming hot for both of them now, bodies covered in a sheen of sweat. Sebastian's hands are holding on to Mark's neck and occasionally caress his hair, electrifying him further. His fingers are in their lap, teasing Sebastian's cock with excruciatingly slow strokes until the German winces and squirms in his hold.  
"Want.You." Sebastian's breathless voice is somewhere between a beg and a command, making Mark's hips jerk up helplessly.  
"How?" He presses out, incapable of thinking of a feasible position. With a body control that Mark has not seen on him before, Sebastian wriggles around, turns around, until his chest is leaning against the steering wheel and his back is towards Mark, who figures now, kissing the small of Sebastian's back before he spits in his hand. Opening Sebastian with spit only is not new but it takes time as usual and the exhaustion, the focus, and Sebastian's helpless moaning and squirming under him make Mark's erection painful. By the time he manages to thrust into him with three of his fingers, it has become almost intolerable and he withdraws hastily, causing Sebastian to wince. Mark's fingers dig into Sebastian's hips now, pulling him back against his cock. The position works and Mark is slowly burying himself in Sebastian now, breaching him further and growling deeply with desire. The car is steamy and full of the noises they make, moans, gasps and the sound of sticky flesh against flesh. Mark is soon gone into oblivion, thrusting into Sebastian faster and harder than he would dare to if his mind was still clear. It is not a good angle, it is uncomfortable and terribly exhausting but none of that matters as all Mark feels is the wet heat surrounding his cock and the clenching of Sebastian's muscles around him. Even if he wanted to, he could not say how long they have been moving like that, both covered in layers of sweat and releasing rows of swears, when Mark cannot hold back any longer and comes with a final scream, his fingers reaching for Sebastian's cock and the German coming over his hand the second Mark touches him. They savor their afterglow for a brief moment, then the inconvenient position takes its toll and they disentangle with some struggle. Mark uses his T-Shirt to clean them a bit.  
"I hope you don't mind the mess in your car," Sebastian smirks at him.  
"It will survive." Mark smiles back at the German, marveling the fondness in the younger man's look. "I can't believe we just had sex in a Porsche. On Mulsanne." He is shaking his head in disbelief, leaning back in his seat and feeling pleasantly drained. "I'm glad we sorted things." Slowly and a bit absentmindedly, Mark takes Sebastian's hand, caressing his fingers with his thumb. "Home now?"  
"Yes, home." Sebastian nods and it is the most beautiful word Mark can think of now, _they are going home_. 

_Remember the promise you made_

Getting back into some of their clothes proves challenging again but they manage. On the way back, they take turns driving, stopping for gas, croissants and a toothbrush with toothpaste. They are exhausted and drained, but they are smiling and this time, Mark notices, the silence does not feel uncomfortable or tense at all. Before he drives them up to the cottage, he stops at Collioure's harbor. It is one of the most impressive places he has ever seen and what they say about its gorgeous blue sky is certainly true, but it does not even lose its fascination on a grey and drizzly winter's day. He is holding his arm around Sebastian's waist when they walk over to sit on one of the brick walls surrounding the water and he is completely oblivious to the people around them. Of course, they must make an interesting sight, with rumpled clothes, ruffled hair and red and tired eyes but right now he cannot bring himself to care. They sit in silence for a moment, comfortable silence, sharing the last cigarette from the carton, while they are sitting wordlessly on the small brick wall, watching the crashing waves in the grey mist of the winter storm. The fingers of their free hands are laced tightly between them and Mark's head is leaning against Sebastian's shoulder this time. "It's beautiful," Sebastian whispers and Mark presses closer against him, burying his head in the crook of his neck.  
"So are you."

_'One never reaches home,' she said. 'But where paths that have an affinity for each other intersect, the whole world looks like home.”_

_~ Hermann Hesse, Demian_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Promise You Made: Written by Kingsbery, performed by Cock Robin, (c) Edwin Ellis Music Lyrics


	41. All I Want For Christmas Is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Christmas in July feels... strange?! Hot chocolate, anyone?

They have a couple of lazy days to recover from their road trip but then Ann comes down, dragging along Simba and Shadow, to plan their wedding. Which is in only three weeks. And before, there will be Christmas when they are expecting their families to invade. And Kimi's party will be there, too. Sebastian would not admit it, but he is already looking forward to their honeymoon weekend because he will have Mark for himself then finally. That matters a lot, because soon after, testing starts and that will mean herds of journalists following them everywhere and it will mean separation, the thought alone unbearable right now where falling asleep on Mark and waking up in the Australian's strong arms has become normal. Having Ann around is nicer than he expected it though and she makes every effort not to get in their way, even insisting on a hotel. The dogs are fun, too, and the three of them spend a fair amount of time outside, going for runs or just walks. Sebastian still cannot help throwing up more than he used to and he knows it is worrying Mark to no ends. In January, when everything is over, he will consult a doctor over this. For now, he tries to calm all of their nerves by reminding them that he has gone through a similar phase back when he was still working with Heikki. Back then, he ponders, it stopped as suddenly as it had started. Ann has made them a complete list of their wedding guests and made a reservation at a restaurant for an appropriate lunch after the ceremony at the town hall. She has reserved rooms for everyone, contacted people to make sure they would come and tried to bribe everyone to shut their mouth about it so that there would not be too much press around and so far, she has been surprisingly successful, not the slightest rumours in sight. Sebastian feels eternally grateful and he is pretty sure, Mark feels the same way. It is the evening of the 22nd, their final evening before Ann, considerate as always because she knows their families are about to arrive, leaves for Great Britain again, when she looks at both of them with a sudden seriousness during dinner. "Guys, there is something I would like you to do." Sebastian exchanges looks with Mark and they both know Ann's voice means that they won't like what is about to come. "There is a photo shoot for a campaign for LGBT rights," Mark starts shaking his head already and Sebastian gently kicks him under the table and gives him a pleading look _\- they should at least think about it after all she has done -_ "and I would like you to participate. I know, you don't want to be special, but matter of fact is, you are. Gay athletes are rare and that you, as two top athletes, have a relationship with each other, a serious one, that makes it even more special. You don't have to agree right now but please think about it."  
Sebastian does not really think about it and instinctively blurts out, "We will." It earns him a not so gentle kick from Mark, along with a furious frown and Sebastian adds, "You've done so much for us that I can't deny you a favour and I don't think Mark could, either." He gives Mark a triumphant grin and evades the inevitable kick this time. Ann is looking at the Australian expectantly now.  
Sebastian can see Mark swallow and the discomfort written on his lover's face makes him chuckle. "Of course we will," Mark manages to say finally, weak smile on his lips.  
"That is awesome!" Ann is beaming at them and Sebastian feels good about this. It will only be a picture and he likes that it makes her happy.

"You only agreed because she said you were special." Mark grunts while they are doing the dishes. Sebastian just chuckles at the remark and nudges him.  
"She said we were special. And she is right." He presses a kiss to Mark's neck and Mark turns around, drying his hands with the towel now.  
"Ann is always right." And with that, he drops the towel, work for the day done and Sebastian barely manages to put away the last plates before two strong arms wrap around his waist and Mark sucks on his neck, certainly leaving a decent sized bruise.  
"Do you miss the dogs?" Sebastian asks curiously, trying to distract Mark from ravishing him.  
"Not really. I know, they're always portrayed as my dogs, but with me travelling eleven months of the year, they have always been more Ann's and her parents animals to begin with. And don't try to change the topic after your little betrayal," Mark says the last part with a dangerous voice. And then Sebastian feels himself pushed forward, bend over their dinner table. "You have no idea how long I've been dreaming about having you right here," Mark hisses into his ear and the German's hips jerk up when Mark's hand slides up between his thighs. He spreads his legs eagerly at the touch, making Mark chuckle softly. Sebastian loses himself in the situation, enjoys being manhandled, having his jeans and boxers shoved down, Mark leaning heavy on him and Mark's fingers pressing against his entrance, slicked with olive oil, if Sebastian interprets the sounds behind him correctly. It is a quick and rough procedure, Mark taking little time to open him before Sebastian hears the rustling of a zipper and feels Mark's cock press inside him, slowly but relentlessly. Soon, he realizes that it gives them a perfect angle, Mark hitting his prostate with each thrust and he is screaming and begging for release under Mark's hold in record time. The Australian teases him though, dragging everything and always stopping and slowing down when he is just about to come, prompting Sebastian to switch to unmanly whimpering and squeaking. There is something so deeply arousing about Mark completely dominating him, controlling him, pinning him down without a possibility to escape, that the thoughts alone are almost enough to push Sebastian over the edge. But again, almost and not quite enough. An eternity passes, Sebastian has turned into a begging heap of mess under Mark, panting and squeaking desperately, before Mark finally thrusts hard and fast enough to push both of them over the edge.  
"That was mean," Sebastian presses out after a moment of recovery, still trapped on the table under Mark's chest.  
"Are you sure? Because it sounded like you were enjoying yourself." Sebastian can hear him smirk while he says it.  
"Maybe," the German says after a while, finally having caught some breath. "So, how do you suppose we look into both of our mother's eyes while they are having brunch at this table tomorrow?" And when Mark freezes on top of him and does not respond at all, Sebastian knows he has won this one.

_I just want you for my own_  
 _More than you could ever know_  
 _Make my wish come true_  
 _All I want for Christmas is you_

It is nice to have his parents around, who reside in a hotel nearby and come for brunch on the 24th and after a terribly nervous, nauseous morning, Sebastian also meets Mark's parents in person for that brunch, finding that he loves them immediately. They are a bit more reserved than his family, matching with Mark's personality really well, but they are warm and welcoming nonetheless, never making him feel as if they would prefer their son's love life to go into any other direction. Just as anyone else they have opted for a hotel, meaning that as busy as their days get, he still has the evening with Mark alone and Sebastian savours every second. Mark has started giving him little kitchen lectures and he enjoys those immensely. It is nice to fall into a kind of domestic routine, to be grounded after what feels like an eternally lasting season of circus. They exchange gifts on midnight of Christmas eve, a compromise between the traditions they know from home, where in Germany it is customary to do so on the evening of the 24th and in Australia, the morning of the 25th. Sebastian adores the watch Mark got him, it suits him perfectly and he is even happier about Mark's genuine joy at the antique motorbike he got him. They had agreed to make large gifts this year because they had noticed that they had ignored both of their birthdays over the summer, preoccupied with other struggles in their relationship. On the evening of the 25th, when they once again have the house to themselves, they fix pasta together and then eat on the couch, watching _Life is Beautiful_. It might be the most normal, boring thing for many couples, cuddling up under a blanket and staring at the telly, but for Sebastian every second of it feels heavenly. He is drowning in Mark's smell, resting comfortably against the Australian's shoulder, fingers laced after they have cleared their plates. Every time Mark laughs, the vibrations his body makes also rattle through Sebastian, sending shivers down his spine. It is so peaceful, so beautiful, that sometimes retiring to stay like this becomes overwhelmingly tempting. And then, without further warning, it is the 26th and Hanna and her family join them for lunch, completing their family and somewhat crowding the cottage, in the most pleasurable way. Emilie is a delight for all of them and Sebastian cannot help admiring the image of Mark, smiling childishly, swirling her in the air and making her squeak with joy. There is a rare openness in Mark's eyes while he plays with her and Sebastian likes him this way, unguarded, enjoying himself, not worrying about what others think. It is simple and beautiful at the same time. He sees that Mark's mother secretly wipes tears from her eyes at the image and he feels sorry, feels that he is taking away something from her.

And then, just as suddenly as they invaded, everybody has left again, and they are by themselves, the house suddenly empty and very quiet, feeling a bit strange for Sebastian after all the chatter and laughter of the past hours. With a sigh, he joins Mark in front of the fireplace. At least he has him to himself now. He cuddles himself into Mark's lap, pressing his body flush against Mark's chest and melting into the embrace of Mark's arms. "We need a Christmas tradition, you know? Something only for us."  
He does not get an immediate response and has started to wonder whether Mark ignores the question or thinks it is ridiculous, when the Australian suddenly raises his voice, "Do you know _Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus_?" Sebastian shakes his head against Mark's shoulder. "My grandpa was not really into church and disliked the bible's Christmas story so he would read that letter instead for us on Christmas." Mark's voice sounds distant, lost in memories probably. Then he lets go of Sebastian and fidgets with his phone.  
"Would you read it for me?" Sebastian would love it. He cannot imagine Mark would do it, he will probably just hand him the text and let him read it by himself. But it would be sweet.  
"Sure, if you'd like and if I find it." _Oh..._  
"I'd love it." Sebastian curls himself up, wrapping his arms around his knees. He is beaming now.  
"Ah, here you go... you know, it's an answer an 8 year old girl got from a newspaper when she asked if there really was a Santa Claus..." And then Mark reads it for him, starting with a somewhat hesitant and self-conscious voice but then Sebastian can hear he is getting caught in the little text and stops worrying. It is wonderful, better than any other story he could imagine for them, and Mark reading it for him makes it even better. Sebastian decides there and then, still leaning against Mark's chest, that this will become their Christmas tradition whatever it may take him to convince the Australian.  
He does not know what to say when Mark has finished,and drops the phone, once again draping his arms around Sebastian now, so he just turns his head, presses a gentle kiss to Mark's cheek and whispers, "Thank you."  


_Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to our life its highest beauty and joy._

_~Francis P. Church, **Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus** , The Sun (1897)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I Want For Christmas: Written by Afanasieff/ Carey, performed by Mariah Carey, (c) Columbia
> 
> The full text for "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" is available here: http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/


	42. The Boys Are Back In Town (aka Vodka In The Jar)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one is a break from fluffy, teary and romantic and just plain out silly. I blame Kimi :) The big emotions will return tomorrow in what was supposed to be the penultimate chapter and for today, indulge in the silly...

_Guess who just got back today?_  
 _Those wild-eyed boys that had been away_  
 _Haven't changed, haven't much to say_  
 _But man, I still think those cats are great_

They enjoy a number of days that are only theirs, having the house to themselves and all the time in the world. Sebastian learns to cut carrots. And other vegetables. And manages to cook an entire pasta dish by himself. They indulge in a Star Wars marathon and go mountainbiking surrounded by the first flurries of snow Sebastian has seen around their cottage. Mark keeps bickering about Sebastian's lack of taste in music and tries to introduce him to some classic rock and metal artists, frowning heavily when he does not approve of Cream. And Sebastian introduces him to Mario Kart, noticing amused that Mark has no talent for that game whatsoever. Time flies, as much as they try to savour every second, and then it the last day of the year much quicker than they expected. They have not planned anything particular and end up having sex instead of fireworks and they both agree that it is the best way to greet a new year and the partying is reserved for the third of January anyway as Kimi has invited everyone to Mark's house for their proper bachelor party. Kimi being Kimi, they prepare for the worst during the day before and have actually and literally taken some valuables and put them in the attic, fearing serious damage to their home. After all, it is not just Kimi, he invited David and Fernando, Dan and Christian, Nico Rosberg and even Mark's teammates, Timo and Brendon. They were both surprised to realize that Kimi knew so well who to invite - and who not - but then they always knew he was sneaky around the paddock and just because he does not speak much does not mean he cannot listen carefully to what is being said around him.

When Kimi arrives late afternoon, his trunk looks as if he robbed a bar on his way and as if the entire party thing was not bad enough, he brought a karaoke machine. Mark cannot believe that Kimi out of all people would bring that into his house but when he asks, the Finn just shrugs and does not even answer. The last thing Mark sees him carry inside looks like some huge barrel or jar. "Kimi, what's in there?"  
"Oh, vodka. It's my favourite, want to try?" Mark surrenders to fate and accepts the offer, chucking whatever Kimi is handing him there while out of the corner of his eyes he sees Sebastian beam at the karaoke thing. _If he asks for a duet I will have to punch him. Or Kimi. Or both of them._ He is disturbed in his thinking when people start pouring inside. It is of course nice seeing everybody - but not all at once. And maybe with less of that excitement? Everybody is stepping into his private space, being all touchy and hugging him to congratulate. Not only him, Sebastian too, obviously, but they are different with this and he can see that the young man is clearly enjoying it. Even Kimi seems to have fun but that is probably because of the Vodka in the jar. Maybe he needs more of that as well? Mark moves through the crowd - when did all these people get here? - and bumps into a seemingly tipsy Sebastian who snogs him in front of everybody and - to his own surprise - Mark only blushes a little. When he has finally made it to his drink and turns back around, he almost drops it because Nico is just bringing in two very scarcely dressed and giggling young women. With a sigh, Mark turns back around, chucks another Vodka and fills the glass again. This will be a long night.  
On his way back across the room where he spotted a somewhat decent looking Dan who he wants to talk to, he hears Christian hiss something in Nico's ear. "Why would you bring strippers?"  
"They aren't strippers. Think of them as groupies. They are entertaining."  
"Nico, Sebastian and Mark are gay!"  
"Sebastian's not. And anyway, I'm not."  
"But shouldn't this be about Seb and Mark?"  
"If you insist, we can always let Brendon strip! In fact, I might even join him."  
Though that was one of the creepiest conversations he has ever overheard, Mark has to suppress a giggle at the images popping up in his head. When he makes it to stand next to Dan, he has to realize that while his fellow Australian is still looking unimpressed, he slurs as if he has had more than enough for the night and he also notices that the young man desperately needs the wall behind to keep standing. Mark sighs. _I will just have to drink more..._ and then he chucks another one and it is all downhill _\- or uphill? -_ from there.

The next morning, Mark wakes up with the worst hangover and it takes a while for the world to stop spinning after he opens his eyes. It takes even longer for memory to kick in. He does not like the images his mind is producing. Maybe bad dreams? With a moan, he rolls on his side, cursing his headache. Sebastian stirs now and looks at him with sleepy eyes. "You're up. How are you feeling?"  
"Could be better."  
Sebastian giggles at his response. "I figure. I have never seen you that drunk."  
"I was not drunk", Mark cringes. "But I think I had weird dreams."  
"Sure?" Sebastian snorts. "Maybe they were real."  
"Seriously? Was there a polonaise in our kitchen?"  
"Oh, yeah, that was your idea I think." Now that must be a blatant lie. Sebastian must have been drunk himself and now he is confusing things.  
"How come you're not sick?" He frowns at the German.  
"I didn't drink as much."  
"But you were all tipsy!"  
"Yeah, a bit. But then I felt weird and didn't have any more drinks. Lucky for you, actually, because this way you had someone to hold you while you threw up."  
"I did what?"  
"Don't worry, Christian was worse. At least you made it to the bathroom. Timo had to hold Christian while he threw up all over the bushes next to the terrace door."  
"What else did I forget?"  
"Are you sure you want to know? Maybe there's a reason your mind erased it."  
"Tell me."  
"Remember how you sang karaoke with Kimi?"  
"I don't sing. Kimi does not sing."  
"That's what I thought. And I wish you hadn't. Goodness, that version of My Way will be stuck in my ears forever. Apart from that _lovely_ serenade..., some people played hockey with eggs and kitchen utensils, Nico stripped for Brendon and when he tried a lap dance they broke a chair, Timo made out with both of those groupies Nico brought along...whatever they were... DC initiated a round of truth or dare that had Christian kiss Nico, oh, and you had to dance the Macarena... Dan passed out before midnight, face first on the rug next to the fireplace and Kimi drew tattoos all over him with permanent marker... Oh, and maybe you forgot that when you stumbled in the bathroom you kind of fell over Fernando sucking on DC?"  
"Stop. No more details. I might need to go to the bathroom."  
They are disrupted by a high-pitched squeak and a low string of possibly Spanish swears. It could only have been Madama Rinier, who does the cleaning and who had thankfully agreed to come over today and the lower voice sounded pretty certainly like Fernando. Why was he still here? "You think Fernando is still down there?"  
"I don't think I saw anyone leave, actually." Sebastian shrugs.  
"We only have two guestrooms, where is everybody?"  
"I don't think I want to know." And with that, the German rolls over on his stomach, drapes his arm around Mark's waist and whispers, "Let's get more sleep, I am tired."  
And Mark decides that most likely, he does not want to know either and with his headache he will not be capable of moving anyway, so he just leans into Sebastian's touch and closes his eyes again, drifting away instantly. 

Madame Rinier not only stumbles over a half-naked Fernando who had fallen asleep on the little bench in the hallway, hugging a sleeping DC who is wearing a curtain as a toga, she also trips over Dan who is still passed out in the living room and has a moustache drawn over his face and little cartoon animals on his chest. In the first guest room, she is greeted by a blushed and tired girl who was just trying to sneak out of the window and catches a glimpse of a naked Christian splayed over the bed with his hands bound with a scarf... The second guest room has Brendon and Timo asleep fully clothed, with another, not so dressed girl between them. She finds Nico in the bathroom where he crashed in the tub, wearing the matching curtain to that of DC. And now, she just wants to sink to a kitchen chair with a desperate sigh when she lets out yet another squeak after a certain Finn addresses her who is just sneaking in from the terrace. "Coffee? You look a bit pale, like you saw some ghost." Actually, Madame Rinier thinks, she would have preferred a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Boys Are Back In Town: Written by Lynott, performed by Thin Lizzy, (c) Pippin The Friendly Ranger Mus. Co. Ltd.
> 
>  ~~Vodka~~ Whiskey In The Jar is traditional I suppose, but there are great recordings from Metallica and Thin Lizzy


	43. Love Conquers All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the cheesy got a bit out of hand on this. Then, I suppose it's a wedding, it has to be cheesy. It's a little messy with regards to POV ;)

_And if it takes me a lifetime_  
 _I swear I'll tear down every wall_  
 _Love conquers all_

Mark and Sebastian never really thought about how they wanted to marry and if it had not been for Ann, they would have gone to the town hall, signed the papers and left. Which would have gotten them into considerable trouble with their mothers and some of their friends, therefore they are thankful that Ann took the burden of organizing them a little ceremony with a lunch for everyone, a wedding cake and suits. Okay, they are not really thankful for the suits. And the idea of spending the last night separated would not have been necessary either. Neither toasts. Nor vows. They would not have wanted presents or flowers and very certainly a dance was not on their agenda. Ann however, with a lot of determination, some blackmailing and her irresistible puppy eyes, insisted on all of that. Which is why now, the night before he is getting married, Sebastian finds himself in a hotel room with Kimi, not for the first time wondering if the Finn, though his best friend, really was a good choice as a watchdog. "Here." Kimi hands him a pair of boxer briefs.  
"Erm..." Sebastian does not really know what to say about that now. "Thank you?"  
"They are blue."  
"I figured." Is Kimi drunk?  
"They can be your something blue."  
"Oh." _Yeah, oh, this is ... not quite the Kimi he knows._ "That is sweet."  
"Yeah, you should also borrow something. Maybe take my watch?" Sebastian nods, still wondering how this fits with the Kimi he is used to. And he realizes that since the beginning of the season, when they had met for a match of Badminton, they never had a chance to really speak in private and it is a shame. "Great," Kimi continues, his voice content. "You have a new suit, old shoes, blue underwear and a borrowed watch. Do you bring the rings?"  
Sebastian shakes his head. "Ann has them."  
"Who picked?"  
"Mark and I, together. We had them custom made at a jewellery here."  
Kimi nods. "Sounds good. You know," Kimi is staring straight into his eyes now with a look full of fondness. "I am proud of you. I never thought you'd turn out such a brave kid one day." 

For the same night, Mark finds himself at their house, watched over by his father who has left his mother to herself at the hotel in order to have a guy's night with him. His parents had spent the past weeks travelling through France, enjoying it very much and now his father tells him a bit about their trip, though Mark is not really focused and his father knows but wants to keep talking just to distract his son. "Dad?" Mark interrupts the flow of stories after a while and his father looks back at him with a concerned face. "Am I making a mistake?" Mark has not been as dependent on his parents' approval as Sebastian, but right now, it matters.  
"Do you love him?"  
"Of course."  
"How can it be a mistake then?" His father pats his shoulder over the table.  
"Is it that simple?"  
"What do you mean? If loving him is enough?" Mark nods, locking gaze with his father who thinks a moment before he replies. "At first sight, maybe not. But then, when you ask yourself what it comes down to... yes, loving him is enough. Love is a little demon, but in the best possible way, and it will always give you the motivation, the strength, the endurance and the determination to overcome all the rest." His dad's voice has become distant, his gaze has wondered away a bit, as if he was reflecting on his own feelings now and Mark understands.  
"Thank you, dad. I think I'll call it an early night." He squeezes his father's hand briefly before he gets up and leaves. And his father stays behind, sitting at the kitchen table, with a broad smile on his face and the thought that they really do grow up quickly. 

_And if it takes me forever_  
 _I know it's worth every teardrop that falls_  
 _Love conquers all_

The moment of meeting your future husband in front of a picturesque town hall on a sunny but chilly winter morning is more magical than they would have expected. It is strange, Mark thinks, because we picked the suits together, it is not a surprise and yet, Sebastian looks more gorgeous, more beautiful than he ever thought. And for Sebastian, it feels just the same way. And so they are standing there, in the middle of their families and friends. They are all there, Ann, Christian, Kimi and Minttu, Fernando and Dasha, David and Karen, their parents, Hanna, her husband and Emilie. And the two men in their middle, wearing matching dark grey suits and teal shirts, blush helplessly and watch each other in disbelief, both on the verge of tears. Ann wraps her arms around their waists now, exclaiming "You look marvellous." And with that, she shoves them inside, not without handing each his flower. The ceremony is not especially romantic, more a bureaucratic procedure, but it makes their mothers cry and some of their other guests sniffy and maybe they are both trying very hard not to cry, but obviously they would not admit that. They exchange rings that are engraved with Sebastian & Mark, LM14 and they kiss and then it has happened: they are married. They let themselves be dragged to the restaurant with their minds on complete overload and their expressions full of disbelief. This will have to sink in a little before they will understand. On their way, Mark points over to Fernando and Dasha and David and Karen, all four looking wistfully in their direction though the women probably have no idea what the men are wistful for, and Mark whispers, "I am so glad we went public."  
"Me too." Sebastian presses a kiss to Mark's neck and looks to the two couples as well. _So glad I am not in their position._

_Love conquers all_  
 _This one will last a lifetime_  


They have made their own little vows for this, because Ann asked them to, and Sebastian is the first to read his, before the lunch actually starts. Mark chuckles at the sight of his _husband_ who is trembling and red as lobster when he speaks, the ruffled sheet shaking in his hands, "When I came to Le Mans, I was lost and after I met you there, I was home. There is something about you, Mark, that will make me feel alright anywhere, anytime and anyhow and I thank you for that. I thank you for being strong, for being forgiving and for eating the stuff I cook without running away. I promise I will always try my best to be the man you deserve, I pledge that despite my imperfectness I will strive to be perfect for you and I vow that I give you my heart, my love, my soul. I love you, now and forever."  
Sebastian sees the first signs of tears in Mark's eyes when he speaks now, blushing to an adorable shade of pink and Sebastian's look is full of awe when he listens. "Sebastian, you have taught me to trust. You have taught me to laugh. You have taught me to cry. And you have given me a powerful lecture on accepting me and you and us just the way we are. I cannot find the words to tell you how grateful I am for everything you have done and how proud I am of your courage. If it was not for your bravery, we would not be here today. Thank you for bringing out the best in me, mate. I promise and I pledge and I vow, that I will take the weight of the world from your shoulders, that I will work hard to always be what you deserve and more - and that I will never run out on you again. And in faith, honesty and love I will give you all that I have. I love you, Sebastian Webber, now and forever."  
They drop their notes and lace their hands, staring at each other with tear-filled eyes and they whisper it in unison, "Where you go, I will go and where you stay I will stay." Mark cups Sebastian's face and kisses him, claims him, passionately in front of everyone and Sebastian reciprocates, his hands clenched in Mark's shirt. Their entourage claps and cheers but they are oblivious, only having eyes for each other.

 _And if love conquers all_  
 _This one will last forever_

During lunch, there are more toasts, many sweet words are spoken, gallons of tears are wept, but later Mark and Sebastian will agree that Ann's words, spoken right before they finally cut their cake, were the most touching they heard all day.

_"Dear Sebastian, dear Mark, I have been around you for a while and I assure you that there has always been something between you, that you did not see and I know you finally found it and see it now. I hope you never lose the sight and I hope you never forget. I've seen it all along because ever since your very first meeting, whenever you look at each other, your faces light up for an instant. Whenever you see each other, you relax. Even if it is just for that brief moment before it looks like you're about to punch each other. Whenever I saw you face to face, be it after a great race on the podium or after crashing into each other, I felt that I should knock your heads together so you'd finally kiss. Thank you for fixing it yourself. And thank you for showing me and the rest of the world that love is strong enough to face everything. I promise to be there during your way and I promise that you can always count on me because what you have is the most honest, most genuine and most beautiful love I have ever seen in two people, a love that is blind to prejudice and blind to judgement. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the strength and the courage to make it a happily ever after."_

After Ann's speech, they don't even try to stop themselves from crying anymore and they take turns hugging and squeezing her until she cannot breathe anymore. After this, even Mark agrees that Ann deserves to have her dream of a wedding dance come true and they chuckle briefly when they see her cry helplessly while they manage a more or less decent waltz to a Deep Purple song. At least, Mark ponders, he was allowed to pick the song. "This has to be the single-most-teary day in my life," Sebastian whispers into his ear when they start.  
The older man chuckles again, almost losing the rhythm, and replies, "That from you off all people who almost drowned all of us in tears on the podium?" Instead of an answer, he feels Sebastian pinch his butt. "Ow, you're cheeky."  
"Oh, stop pretending, you love it. And you're supposed to be leading, watch your steps."  
With an evil grin, Mark leans forward and kisses Sebastian gently, while deliberately stepping on the younger man's feet. "Now we're even." He smiles at Sebastian fondly. "I love you, Mr. Webber."  
"I love you, too, Mr. Webber." Sebastian loves the dance, though he would not admit it to Mark. He feels good in Mark's arms, he does not even mind being led. Instead, he finds it just perfect, because it is Mark and he would let Mark lead him anywhere. His head drops to Mark's shoulder now with a happy sigh, knowing the song is almost over and he knows that they can leave for their honeymoon hotel in Girona afterwards, a much appreciated recommendation from Fernando, and although the best is probably yet to come he knows that this is already the best day in his life - and that is supposed to mean something from a man who has a daughter and won four championships.

_That which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil._

_~Friedrich Nietzsche_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love Conquers All: Written by Turner/ Glover/ Blackmore, performed by Deep Purple, (c) Blackmore Music, Jolt Music


	44. Chocolate

They had been released shortly after their dance which had made most of their guests teary again - not for the first time did they both wonder whether there was a tiny bit of wetness in the eyes of the iceman - and Sebastian had driven them straight to their hotel, following a beautiful but now partially snowy street through the Pyrenees. Without much procedure, they had checked in, dropped bags carelessly and now they are standing in front of a gorgeous metal bed with white satin sheets - as they had requested - and once again, their faces are full of sheer disbelief and astonishment, neither of them having grasped the full meaning of the day yet. With his hands on Sebastian's shoulders, Sebastian's hands around his neck and their foreheads against each other, Mark finally whispers, "You are mine, finally. And I am yours now."  
"I know. I just can't believe it yet," Sebastian says softly. Neither can Mark. It is the most wonderful but also the scariest feeling right at the same time, being married to this beautiful young man whom he feels so responsible for. It is the most pleasurable burden he can imagine to make Sebastian happy for the rest of his life. His fingers slowly trace Sebastian's jawline and move to the sensitive spot under his ear, making the German moan ever so softly and that rushes all of Mark's blood right to his groin. Sebastian reaches out to hold up his chin with a finger, his eyes meet the blue eyes of his husband, full of lust and desire and then, with a hoarse, low and incredibly sexy voice, Sebastian asks, "Ready?" Mark nods slowly, drawing in a sharp breath and feeling his cheeks flush because yes, he is as ready as he can be for what they agreed on for the night.

_If love were liquid it would drown me,_  
 _In a placeless place would find me,_  
 _In a heart shape come around me and then,_  
 _Melt me slowly down,_  


Holding his breath, Sebastian takes in the gorgeous sight in front of him. In the dim light of the night lamps and on the immaculate white sheets, he sees Mark, splayed out on his back, legs spread and hands tied to the bed with Sebastian's tie above his head, which is propped up on a pillow. It is something he had not known he wanted until he read about it and he cannot believe Mark is really doing it for him, is lying there like the most beautiful gift. With his pulse racing and shivers going down his spine, he studies Mark face, the Australian's eyes flickering nervously, the toned chest lifting and sinking quickly. _He is too tense._ Sebastian tries to lock gaze with Mark. "Trust me?" Mark nods and swallows. Absentmindedly, Sebastian licks his lips and then sheds his shirt, socks and shoes, not failing to notice the growing interest in Mark's looks and the way Mark is biting his lower lip now. He unbuckles his belt, shoves his pants down and sees Mark's eyes widening with surprise, hearing the older man release a brief chuckle. Then he remembers. "Yeah, Kimi's idea. Something blue." He shrugs and cannot help smiling himself.  
"Kimi's idea, okay." Mark is smiling back at him now and seems more relaxed. Sebastian gets rid of his underwear and moves to the bed, straddling Mark's still clothed legs and leaning down for a kiss, cupping Mark's face gently. He takes things slow, he savours, allowing his lips to rest on Mark's mouth without moving for a while before he parts his lips and tentatively licks Mark's with his tongue, intruding bit by bit and then playing with Mark's tongue. He sees the Australian close his eyes, he can hear and feel that he is breathing heavier and when Sebastian moves his hands up, running his fingers through Mark's dark, soft hair, he makes him moan quietly into their kiss. Under the skin of his own butt, he feels Mark's cock harden and twitch and that lets Sebastian's own arousal grow steadily. He bites on Mark's lower lip briefly before he parts their kiss for some air, panting slightly. Mark's eyes flutter open now and although the nervousness has not vanished completely, Sebastian sees they are mainly filled with desire. So, the German smiles, tracing Mark's lips with a finger and then he props himself up and kisses his way down on Mark's body. He starts with Mark's throat, licking it and sucking little bruises, while he uses one hand to unbutton Mark's shirt. He kisses and licks every inch of skin he frees from the offending fabric and slides the shirt back as far as possible. With his fingertips he draws circles around Mark's bellybutton while he carefully bites and sucks on his nipples. Mark's hips are bucking up and when Sebastian checks the Australian's face, he notices that the nervousness seems gone. Mark's eyes are squeezed shut, his lips slightly parted and Sebastian hears him panting heavier now, all confirming that Mark is enjoying this as much as Sebastian does.  
Pressing another kiss to Mark's throat he inhales the smell of his aftershave, allows himself to drown in him for a moment, until he licks a line from Mark's chest down to the waistband of his pants. His fingers unbuckle and remove Mark's belt swiftly and Mark pushes his hips up eagerly to help him remove the pants and boxers as well. His fingers brush over the tip of Mark's straining cock, making the older man moan louder. Sebastian is kneeling between Mark's spread legs now, his fingertips brushing the inside of the Australian's thighs to make him shiver and marvelling the tan body, the lines of the lean muscles on Mark's chest and stomach, the vulnerability Mark is allowing him to see, to _use_ turning Sebastian on to no ends. Placing a peck on the Mark's tip, Sebastian watches the shaking in the Australian muscles, feels the twitching of his cock and hears the quiet whimper and he indulges in the feeling that he is capable of doing all of this to him, to Mark, to a man who for years he believed out of his league. He keeps teasing for a while, softly caressing Mark's thighs, brushing his fingers against Mark's groin, placing little kisses in Mark's lap and Mark's hips are jerking under him, the Australian is squirming, releasing loud and desperate moans. When those turn into whimpering and wincing, Sebastian has mercy, swallowing Mark down whole with a sudden movement and using his arms to pin Mark's bucking hips to the mattress. "Sebastian, please." It is a low and growling plea and Mark is fighting his restraints now. Sebastian smiles around his cock and starts moving his head up and down.  
After a while, Mark is alternating between gasping for air, releasing swears and groaning but has stopped fighting against his chains and Sebastian's grip and the German takes his hands of the Australian's hips where his fingers left bruises in the golden skin. His mouth never stopping to work on Mark, Sebastian reaches for the lube he had previously left on the bed and applies it to his fingers. They had planned something different but Sebastian wants to surprise and he opens himself now, quickly and unceremoniously, feeling a flicker of nervousness arise when he questions whether or not Mark will like the alternate path. When he takes his mouth away, the Australian winces, writhes and swears but Sebastian quickly repositions himself over Mark and starts sitting down on his cock. He studies Mark's face intensely while he does so and sees the dark eyes flutter open with surprise when he lets the Australian's cock press into his entrance. With relief, Sebastian sees the surprise being replaced with fondness and then lust. "Oh god, more," Mark growls breathlessly and Sebastian complies, sinking down until Mark is fully inside him. Riding Mark is not the most comfortable position they have tried so far, but the feeling to be the one in power while bottoming and the overwhelming beauty of Mark squirming and unravelling underneath him in his restraints makes it incredibly arousing, pushing Sebastian's mind on overload and into oblivion quickly. Through a haze of desire, lust and pleasure, he distantly hears their panting, moaning, swearing but he cannot focus anymore. His hands are grabbing fistfuls of sheets, he is moving his hips frantically, and then, somewhat without a warning because he has not been able to listen for the signs, he feels Mark come inside him, feels his own muscles clench tighter and then comes over Mark's stomach and chest before he collapses onto him with a last moan. He wanted to draw things out, to be teasing, to make it last forever, but something about the entire situation pushed him too hard, made it impossible to hold back. He slides off Mark, making the other wince quietly.  
"Sorry," he whispers, untying the Australian with trembling arms.  
"No problem." Mark wraps his arms around him as soon as he can and presses him tightly against his chest. "That was perfect," he hears Mark's muffled voice, speaking into his blond curls.  
"Yes." Sebastian rolls on his side and looks at Mark's face, drowning in loving dark eyes. "Today was perfect."  
"Definitely." Mark lifts his head and presses a kiss to his cheek. "Sleep now, shower later?"  
"Great." Sebastian gladly accepts, falling on his back and snuggling up next to Mark who is covering them with the duvet now. "I love you, Mark."  
"I love you, too. Goodnight, Mister Webber!"

_If love were human it would know me,_  
 _In a lost space come and show me,_  
 _Hold me and control me and then,_  
 _Melt me slowly down_  
 _Like chocolate_

Mark feels splendidly drained and rests on his back, eyeing the ceiling and listening to Sebastian's even breathing. His husband _\- and wow, it feels so good to call him that, finally -_ has fallen asleep cuddled right next to him, also on his back, head buried in Mark's left arm. With a content sigh, he places a kiss on the blond hair. _I am married to the most beautiful, most lovable man in the world._ They will have an entire weekend for themselves before they have to return to France and Mark has every intention to make it a memorable one. There is still something on his mind and with a contemplating smile, Mark moves his hand to Sebastian's stomach and lets it rest there. _If you were a woman I would know what it means._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chocolate: Written by Poole/ Douglas, performed by Kylie Minogue, (c) Parlophone/Douglas


	45. Contra Todo - Against Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so not over yet. Sorry. I'm trying to stop but it's impossible. We've established where it is going ;) and after much internal debate I opted against a new work. Simply because it is not new. It is the logical path of their relationship - ignoring any laws of nature, but anyway - and so it will stay here and go on here until one day I will reach a point where there's nothing more to do with them. If you don't like what I am about to do here, just stop reading, I understand. It wasn't up my street until recently either ;)

Saturday morning, the day after their wedding, Sebastian wakes feeling sick. Not that it is anything new. Except that they have not exercised and that is very new. When he returns from the bathroom, forehead still covered in sweat and his legs trembling, Mark is sitting on the bed and expects him with a frown and very concerned eyes. "Have you made an appointment?" Sebastian nods. He feels that Mark is behaving a bit like a mother hen but he feels far too weak to argue about that now and just flops back on the bed, lying flat on his back with his eyes squeezed shut. "When is it?" Mark's voice is full of worry and Sebastian hates it, because it is probably nothing. It has to be nothing. And it quite certainly is not what it looks like.  
"Next Thursday, with a doctor in Toulouse." Sebastian pauses briefly, considering whether his next question will make him appear too weak. "Will you come with me?"  
"That's good. Sure I'll come. You have me worried." He feels Mark lean against him, pressing a gentle kiss against his forehead and he releases a pleased moan at the touch of Mark's lips. "Maybe we should go for a walk, get you some fresh air?" Mark's fingers traces lines on his temple and make him shiver. There is a ton of things Sebastian would prefer doing now but if he is honest with himself he will not be fit enough and going outside is tempting.  
"Sounds great." It takes him forever to get ready because his legs will not behave and his vision keeps blurring but he manages and it feels so good when Mark wraps an arm around him and his head falls heavily against the Australian's shoulder. They stay like that while they walk down the beautiful old and narrow roads, mostly oblivious to the staring they provoke every once in a while, ignoring the giggles and flashing of cameras when occasionally people realize who they are. They are both lost in thought, Sebastian assumes, too lost to care. It is another cold but sunny day, the sky clear blue and the air crispy and fresh, for his health, it is doing wonders. Sebastian slides a hand in the back pocket of Mark's jeans, slightly squeezing the Australian and it earns him a low chuckle and kiss on his hair. They walk for some time, passing old houses, small tapas bars, narrow roads with the occasional stray cat. Fernando was right, it's a pretty city, but Sebastian is too drained to appreciate it as much as he would want to. The previous day and night had been perfect but also exhausting and although he doubtlessly feels enormously happy, he is also on absolute overload and despite never mentioning it to Mark, he is worried, too.  
It is when they reach a wider road, with more people, more stares, more flashing cameras, that he has a silly idea which he feels could lighten both of their mood temporarily. He stops cold and tilts his head upwards, whispering straight into Mark's ear, "Want to give them something to really talk about?"  
Mark cups his face and looks at him with an evil grin and a nod. "Absolutely, mate!" With that, Mark pulls him into a vigorous kiss, devouring him right in front of a shocked crowd. Sebastian briefly wonders why it still seems to surprise people after they have shown it on the podium already, then he loses himself in the moment, his hands clenching in Mark's hair and returning the kiss with full force, tasting blood in his mouth and feeling their teeth grit. _Still can't believe you're mine,_ he thinks to himself pressing their bodies closer together and he hears Mark moan into their kiss now. _And still can't believe I'm doing this to you._

_Jamás me daré por vencido_  
 _Te lo juro mientras siga vivo_  
 _Mi dignidad es mi única arma contra el enemigo_

_Never will I give up on myself/ I swear to you/My dignity is my only weapon against the enemy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contra Todo: Written by Olvera/ González, performed by Maná, (c) Olvera/ González, WEA Latin. Translated myself, so might be messy. Let me know if you know better :)

**Author's Note:**

> Break Me: Written & Performed by Jewel, (c) Downtown Music Publishing LLC


End file.
